There is going to be a convicted peadophile at BIL's wedding

[FoghornLeghorn]

BIL is getting married in the summer, his fiancé's uncle is going to be there but at the minute he is serving a sentence for abusing his own children.
I don't know what sentence he recieved or how long it was for but I do know the basics of what allegidly happened as BIL's fiancé is a close friend and she confided in me when the court cse was going on.

Her family genuinely believe he is innocent and the children are lying about everything.

I never liked the man before I knew about any of this and now it is making me feel extremely uncomfortable about attending the wedding.
I don't know whether he did what he was accused of or not but it makes me feel very uneasy knowing he is going to be in close proximity to my children and alot of others. I know it is irrational as it is quite unlikely he would abuse anyone's child there and then but I just don't like it.

What would your thought be in my situation?

Message withdrawn

Ensuring your children come to no harm isn't really the point (though absolutely vital).

By attending a social occasion, (and perhaps particularly a wedding which is traditionally a time for 2 families to come together in celebration of a couple's love and commitment for each other, which is about the importance of family, and, for many newlyweds children) where a convicted child abuser is also in attendance, you - and all the other guests, plus the couple who invited him - are saying that he is welcome, (you don't usually invite people you don't want to to your wedding - and if you do, they are usually in the form of long lost relatives you haven't seen for years but who your mother believes is "owed" an invite), you are saying that he is part of a normal and loving family celebration.

By the nature of his crime, that assumption couldn't be any wider of the mark. Normal ? Loving ?

Why should this "man" feel he is part of normal society ? By including him in such events, and by socialising with him (e.g. being introduced to him, having him make small talk with you when you're stood at the bar perhaps) then you are making him feel normal, and quite possibly reassuring him that he did "nothing wrong".

That is why I wouldn't go. It should go without saying that any parent who knew who he was wouldn't let him get within a yard of their children.

Who knows? There are wrong convictions all the time. Also if anyone is Christian on this thread we are supposed to be about forgiveness and those of us without sin being the ones to throw the first stone.

But difficult. I was asked recently about a wedding where a guest who is married was bringing his lover and the groom wasn't too happy about that weddings being religious events where you're swearing lifelong devotion to someone and a guest turning up with a lover his wife doesn't know about is surely not tolerable.

Very good all things about forgiveness... until it happens to your own children or someone you know.
Then it hits, and no unless you are a Christian saint you may not be willing to risk it...

But back to the original question... I wouldn't go, not because I think something will happen but because I would have a bad time stressing about such monster being in the premises.

It's very hard. If my husband had been jailed for a theft he hadn't done (a mumsnet poster was in that alleged position) the family might well stick by the jailed man. How is anyone to know if it's true or not? Even if it is true when someone has been punished by the state do we say that's it - you're not a murderer or a speed fiend on the roads any more or not? If they speeded in the car and killed someone you might well choose not to drive with them again. If they were jailed for theft you might keep your purse out of their way. Would you also avoid being in their very presence? I suppose that's the issue.

In a lot of these child abuse cases other family members are part of a conspiracy of silence and like the Germans who stood silently by when people were sent to be gassed, by doing nothing we are culpable. But he may be embraced back into the family but with them realising he was wrong - my forgiveness argumen. Then finally interest in sex with chidlren seems to be inherent and most people want it by the time they're 18 and still want it at over 70 so serving your time for theft etc is not the right analogy. You remain a danger although I doubt there woudl be much scope for him to hurt a child at the wedding as everyone will be keeping a close eye on their children.