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Original poster

There is going to be a convicted peadophile at BIL's wedding

132 replies

FoghornLeghorn · 16/02/2007 10:28

BIL is getting married in the summer, his fiancé's uncle is going to be there but at the minute he is serving a sentence for abusing his own children.
I don't know what sentence he recieved or how long it was for but I do know the basics of what allegidly happened as BIL's fiancé is a close friend and she confided in me when the court cse was going on.

Her family genuinely believe he is innocent and the children are lying about everything.

I never liked the man before I knew about any of this and now it is making me feel extremely uncomfortable about attending the wedding.
I don't know whether he did what he was accused of or not but it makes me feel very uneasy knowing he is going to be in close proximity to my children and alot of others. I know it is irrational as it is quite unlikely he would abuse anyone's child there and then but I just don't like it.

What would your thought be in my situation?

OP posts:
wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 16/02/2007 11:11

I would go, and then when they got to the bit about "do you have any legal or moral objections" ... I would stand up and sayy "yes, I don't think the wedding should go ahead, not until that convicted paedofile is removed from the congrigation".

I bet there will be people there who don't even know that a paedofile will be there, so I'd make it my business that they found out, family rift or not.

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 16/02/2007 11:11

No way NP. It makes me sick the thought of his family even viositing him in prison as if nothing happened.

I do completely get NQC pov - my girls are in no direct danger from this man, for the short while they are there they will not be out of my sight.
I feel terrible for BIL - he knows how we feel about this man

OP posts:
nailpolish · 16/02/2007 11:12

foghorn yu wont be able to keep an eye on them everysingle second of the day

sorry but thats impossilbe

sounds like you have decided to go though

expatinscotland · 16/02/2007 11:12

It wouldn't matter that they wouldn't be in his direct line of fire to me. The fact that he'd be there at all would be enough for me not to go.

Much less give him the chance to catch an eyeful of my children dressed up in frilly clothes.

Nope.

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 16/02/2007 11:13

RR - that is something I will defo do if he is out.
Wannabee - This upset me alot, I know what the man is and now I can make a decision on that but I am one of a very small number of people attending

OP posts:
Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 16/02/2007 11:14

I do understand NP & Expat. It's so hard.
I haven't made any decision yet NP, I just don't know what to do

OP posts:
nailpolish · 16/02/2007 11:15

but NOTHING

nailpolish · 16/02/2007 11:15

its a no brainer foghorn

kittylette · 16/02/2007 11:16

even if you did go could you relax and enjoy the day??

would your daughter enjoy it when you keep her close to your side, wont let her go to the bar to get her own drink? will she wonder why you insist on escorting her to the toilet eachtime she needs it? will she get upset when you wont allow her to go and play or dance with her friends because this man is in the room??

will you relax and have a drink?

the chances of this man 'getting hold of' your daughter is unlikely admittedly, but its still a chance.

and what would you do if he attempted to talk to her? compliment her on her bridesmaids dress??

or even catch him looking at her??

doesnt sound like san enjoyable day to me,

id cancel and take her to the zoo instead

FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 11:16

Message withdrawn

SecondhandRose · 16/02/2007 11:16

Isn't it better to know who the paedophile is than be at a function not knowing? What I mean is you can keep an eye on him and your family knowing full well what has happened. At any other function you wouldn't know who anyone was or what their past was.

When I worked in dentistry my boss used to point out that it was far safer to treat aids patients knowing they had aids than it was everyone else not knowing. Does that make sense?

expatinscotland · 16/02/2007 11:17

small number of people attending?

he'll get an eyeful of your girls.

sorry, but i don't see where i'd dither on this.

convicted paedo. in the same room. as my children. with my permission. b/c i didn't want to offend.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 16/02/2007 11:17

tbh I would risk the family rift.

I think the sooner this family realize that accepting the word of a paedofile over that of his victims is unacceptable the better. And I would make bloody sure that everyone who knew this family knew exactly what it was they were condoning.

Anyone who associates with a paedofile is almost as guilty as the paedofile IMO.

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 16/02/2007 11:17

Right i am going to call her today, be completely honest and ask what the likelyhood really is of him being there

OP posts:
nailpolish · 16/02/2007 11:17

yes but cod imagine if he said to your daughter "you look very pretty in that dress" and stroked her hair

or even your son

nailpolish · 16/02/2007 11:18

although im sure your sons dont wear dresses

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 16/02/2007 11:19

Expat I meant I was one of a small numer who knew

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 11:19

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 16/02/2007 11:19

no, i don't think he'd run off with them, cod.

but really, by taking your children there, you're giving your permission for them to be around a convicted paedo.

that to me is a big deal.

yes, there are plenty of unconvicted, uncaught ones out there.

but giving my permission for my children to be in a place with a convicted paedo.

no, i don't think so.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 16/02/2007 11:20

cod, I do agree that the risk is neglidgeable, and that wouldn't be what bothered me, because I would know who he was and know where my children were.

But ...

a man was convicted of abusing his own children

the children he abused were accused of being lyers

the family have embraced this man back into their family.

and meanwhile lives have been destroyed.

It's not the paedofile as such, it's the principle of condoning what he has done.

FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 11:21

Message withdrawn

nailpolish · 16/02/2007 11:21

cod dont be mean

FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 11:22

Message withdrawn

kittylette · 16/02/2007 11:22

cod my gran used to run a childrens playgroup (7-14 year olds, we had an entertainer come once a month,

it was a crowded hall, lots of parents lots of workers, and years later we found out he was a peado and one of the incidents took place there, in that crowded room,

it doesnt take hours alone to scar a child for life just a few seconds

FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 11:23

Message withdrawn