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Original poster

There is going to be a convicted peadophile at BIL's wedding

132 replies

FoghornLeghorn · 16/02/2007 10:28

BIL is getting married in the summer, his fiancé's uncle is going to be there but at the minute he is serving a sentence for abusing his own children.
I don't know what sentence he recieved or how long it was for but I do know the basics of what allegidly happened as BIL's fiancé is a close friend and she confided in me when the court cse was going on.

Her family genuinely believe he is innocent and the children are lying about everything.

I never liked the man before I knew about any of this and now it is making me feel extremely uncomfortable about attending the wedding.
I don't know whether he did what he was accused of or not but it makes me feel very uneasy knowing he is going to be in close proximity to my children and alot of others. I know it is irrational as it is quite unlikely he would abuse anyone's child there and then but I just don't like it.

What would your thought be in my situation?

OP posts:
StrawberrySnowflakes · 16/02/2007 11:02

i nkow you're not saying this as you are on hear trying to condone not going, but!..going would be like saying you put the safety of your children second to that of of upsetting someone by not going to the wedding..its not just a rumer, hes in prison for it!

Cowardice · 16/02/2007 11:03

What does your dh think? Is he comfortable with your children spending the day round a convicted peadophile?

NotQuiteCockney · 16/02/2007 11:03

Hmm, if he was there, and his kids were there, I would just try to report it to the relevant bodies, honestly. I mean, if he's denying that he did it, and his family is denying that he did it, then it sounds like he's not actually dealing with what he did, so there is absolutely no chance that he is not still a risk to children.

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 16/02/2007 11:04

Yes expat and the evidence was bad even to someone who knows nothing about that sort of thing.

I can understand where you are coming from Kittylette. DD1 is a bridesmaid so she is going to be there for the ceremony and photos but then my mum is collecting the girls before the meal and having them overnight

OP posts:
themoon66 · 16/02/2007 11:04

I think I would go so as not to upset the bride and groom. But I certainly would not take my children!! If anyone asked why my chidren weren't going, I would tell them exactly why.

NotQuiteCockney · 16/02/2007 11:04

I really don't think there is any direct danger to FL's kids at the wedding, surely? I don't think I'd want to condone the mad delusional 'he didn't really do it' attitude that the family appears to have, which would put me off going, but paedophiles can't actually harm children by merely being in the same room with them.

nailpolish · 16/02/2007 11:05

i dont think my dh would be able to stop himself punching a convicted paedophile right in the face, tbh, esp. if he even glanced at our dd's

FioFio · 16/02/2007 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 16/02/2007 11:05

Exactly, NP!

RubyRioja · 16/02/2007 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nailpolish · 16/02/2007 11:06

your dd is a bridesmaid? im sorry but i wouldnt go

unknownrebelbang · 16/02/2007 11:06

IF he is released before the date of the wedding, with a six year sentence he will probably be on licence, and there's a strong possibility he will come out to a hostel.

IF his children are going to be at the wedding, I'd be amazed if he was allowed to attend.

StrawberrySnowflakes · 16/02/2007 11:07

there may be no danger to this twats children at wedding but the fact theyre being made out to be liars and paraded in front of everyone while hes there just coming out of prison!....i feel for them wether theyre kids or adults now

Tommy · 16/02/2007 11:07

god - don't envy you, foghorn.

At least you will know who he is - you may well have been at places where there were unconvicted paedophiles around and loads of children. Probably doesn't help much but if you feel that you need to go to this wedding to top a family rift then you could look at it like that - or just not take your children.

rey · 16/02/2007 11:07

If it is a church wedding, I would go to that but not the reception after. That way you could show you are not being uncaring towards BIL but at the same time feel very uncomfortable about being in his presence.

In this day and age there seem to be so many out there and we could all be friendly with one convicted or not but the fact that he has been convicted makes all the difference. If a family rift is caused they are not worth it, life is too short and I would be worrying about how he would be looking at/what he might be thinking about my children.

Can't begin to imagine your dilemma really though, as none of us know what we would really do in your situation.

kittylette · 16/02/2007 11:07

im sorry, and i dont mean to sound harsh, but i wouldnt let her be a bridesmaid - i just wouldnt let her go

its an awful and awkward situation but i couldnt relax, id be horrified at the sight of him,

id just tell them you wont allow your child near a convicted peadophile and however much his twisted family argue his innocence theres no arguing a jury finding him guilty,

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 16/02/2007 11:07

I haven't really spoken to DH about it as its only just struck me this morning that there is a chance he could really be there.

A mutual friend is going who knows nopthing of the uncle or even that he is in prison, she has 2 sons attending rhe wole day and I think she has a right to know and decide for herself

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 16/02/2007 11:07

If he's not admitting guilt, and not atoning, he's unlikely to get out on probation, from what little I know.

DimpledThighs · 16/02/2007 11:07

would not go - can't justify or rationalise why but gut instinct would keep me well away.

What an awful situation for you to deal with. Go with how you feel.

(NQC- )

nailpolish · 16/02/2007 11:09

put it this way - would yuou invite him to your own wedding foghorn????????????

would you invite him round for tea??????

RubyRioja · 16/02/2007 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 16/02/2007 11:09

Thanks everyone, it's helpful tp know all of your opinions and thoughts

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 16/02/2007 11:10

Sorry, but I'd tell the friend. Absolutely!

I mean, what's more important, this convicted paedo's feelings or the safety of children?

Nope, wouldn't let her be a bridesmaid, either.

The thought of some creepo oggling my child would make me sick.

FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 11:10

Message withdrawn

Glassofwine · 16/02/2007 11:10

Life is full of risks - everyday we make hundreds of decisions that affect our safety - to take the car, to drink fruit shoots etc.

There are somethings that are not worth risking however low the chance is. To my mind the children come into that category. If anything happened to them you'd never forgive yourself. I know it's highly unlikely, but not something I'd risk.

Also - there is no way I could attend if he were there as it would be condoning what he's done or implying that you side with the family. I no there may not be anyone judging you other than yourself, but I couldn't be in the same room if it were me.

You do risk upsetting the family, but on balance I think it would be justified. If you dh feels he should go, then fine but there's no way I would attend or my lo's.