Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Should I Go to His Christmas Party?

93 replies

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 14:41

Hi all, I'm new here but could really use a friendly ear and some advice please?

My partner of eighteen months has told me that he has been invited to the Christmas party of his former workplace and that he wants to go. All his work colleagues are women and some will be bringing their partners as they did last year, as last year he invited me but this year says he wants to go by himself.
I said fine... but wasn't thrilled about it, so he said (rather stroppily) oh whatever, come if you want to... Do I go or not??
I just can't decide what the right thing to is... we are having bad issues in various other parts of our relationship and he will not have sex with me... at all, and lies like a corpse next to me. Though he isn't having any kind of affair... he says its just depression. But I'm broken by him, and some of me wishes he would leave, and though he threatens me weekly with going, he never does...
So sorry to moan... just not sure where to turn.x

OP posts:

Somerville · 02/12/2016 14:44

No, and dump him love.

crayfish · 02/12/2016 14:45

I don't really understand the problem with the christmas party to be honest, why were you not 'thrilled' about it? Because his former collegues are women? Because he wants to go alone? what's the issue?

The rest of it is a whole different kettle of fish but to be honest, at just 18 months in, this all sounds like a lot of hard work and not much fun. Can you picture another 20 years of this? If not, I would strongly advise you to cut your losses now.

TheNaze73 · 02/12/2016 14:46

He's emotionally gone. Why are you with him?

OohhThatsMe · 02/12/2016 14:47

You've had 18 months and you are very unhappy. You want him to go.

You do realise you can make that decision, don't you? Think how lovely Christmas would be without him there - what a treat to lie down on Christmas night without him lying there like a martyr.

Give yourself a treat and get rid! He can go to the party on his own and you can start your new life without him.

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 14:50

Thank you both... I wasn't thrilled about it because we have had such massive issues, we literally never go anywhere because he says we can't afford it, and then he wants to a party he has talked about going together all year round, alone.

And Crayfish... I do know you are right: it isn't fun, its hellish... we just moved in together six weeks ago. He insisted I sell my house of sixteen years because it wasn't big enough for his son when he visits, then we rented one together and he says he wants to go and live with his Mum now.
Isn't it funny how ridiculous your own situation sounds when you write down??

OP posts:

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 14:53

He stopped sleeping with me after three months... he has PTSD and blames everything upon it. I have been as understanding as I can but he is impossible...
Thank-you for taking the time to answer me.x

OP posts:

WiIdfire · 02/12/2016 14:53

The problem isn't tha party. Don't go. He wont have fun, you wont have fun, its not the place to sort out your relationship. If he is at the point he is going to stray, then you being there wont stop it or chance that.

Let him go to the party alone, - and sort out your relationship at home.

fluffiphlox · 02/12/2016 14:54

I hope you haven't sold that house.

WiIdfire · 02/12/2016 14:54

*change

HouseworkIsASin10 · 02/12/2016 14:55

He sounds a dick, get rid.

PlumsGalore · 02/12/2016 14:55

Please tell me you didn't actually sell your lovely home of sixteen years and move into rented with him?

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 14:55

Sadly fluffiphlox I have...x

OP posts:

PlumsGalore · 02/12/2016 14:56

and he wants to go live with his mum and leave you with a lease six weeks in?

crayfish · 02/12/2016 14:56

Oh dear I hope you didn't sell the house either. I would let him go and live with his mum if that's what he wants, I think you would probably be a damn sight happier than you are now.

ElizabethHoney · 02/12/2016 14:57

Is he getting treatment for PTSD?

crayfish · 02/12/2016 14:57

Cross post. Did you make any money out of it? Not being nosy - just wondered if you are in a position to buy again, because if you're not then that's a real shame.

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 15:00

Yes I sold the house... he said we would buy his Mums house together while she lived there so she was safe and we would still have a mortgage while we rented but has since said that he doesn't want that to happen.
I will not be able to afford this house by myself if he goes, jeopardising my sons security and I am absolutely gutted by all of this.

The Christmas party is of course just a symptom of how rubbish the relationship is... .

OP posts:

Happybunny19 · 02/12/2016 15:01

OMG you have to get away from him, he sounds bloody awful. You've only been together a short while, he's made you sell your home for his benefit, won't show you normal affection and sounds thoroughly unpleasant. He may well have MH issues, but he's still basically an arse. Dump him.

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 15:03

Hi ElizabethHoney he has just started a course of counselling and anti-depressants (that are making him angry - I heard him shouting at a sausage the other day because he couldn't slice it - didn't know whether to laugh or cry!!)... but its early days I suppose to monitor any improvement.

OP posts:

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 15:04

Hi Crayfish... no I didn't make any money in the end because in order to sell it quickly so that we could have the family home he wanted, I had to sell it through one of those god-awful quick sale things and so came out with very little.
Lordy this sounds so miserable written down.

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/12/2016 15:08

You need to cut your losses and run far away. Quickly. Surely you've lost enough in this arrangement?

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 15:10

Thank you AnchorDownDeepBreath... I know you are right. I feel as though I have lost everything. My Mum died very suddenly at only 64, the month before I met him and Im not sure I have been thinking straight.

OP posts:

MargoChanning · 02/12/2016 15:12

You sold your house for a man you have known for a year and a half?!

Good grief love, you need to leave the cocklodger asap!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/12/2016 15:18

"My Mum died very suddenly at only 64, the month before I met him and Im not sure I have been thinking straight"

He targeted you OP and of course you were not thinking straight. People can action poor decisions in grief and I think the last 18 months have been the culmination of that. This relationship is well and truly over now and it has been for some time; he is saying that by both word and deed.

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 15:21

Thank you all... I think putting this post up and talking to you all is the first step on the road to gathering enough strength to get shut... x

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread