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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I Go to His Christmas Party?

93 replies

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 14:41

Hi all, I'm new here but could really use a friendly ear and some advice please?

My partner of eighteen months has told me that he has been invited to the Christmas party of his former workplace and that he wants to go. All his work colleagues are women and some will be bringing their partners as they did last year, as last year he invited me but this year says he wants to go by himself.
I said fine... but wasn't thrilled about it, so he said (rather stroppily) oh whatever, come if you want to... Do I go or not??
I just can't decide what the right thing to is... we are having bad issues in various other parts of our relationship and he will not have sex with me... at all, and lies like a corpse next to me. Though he isn't having any kind of affair... he says its just depression. But I'm broken by him, and some of me wishes he would leave, and though he threatens me weekly with going, he never does...
So sorry to moan... just not sure where to turn.x

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 02/12/2016 20:22

Does he know you're done?

Nirvanababy · 02/12/2016 20:26

Oh sweetheart, right there he told you who he is.
You deserve moreally than this cry-baby juvenile. You've given up enough. He's using you for your money / hospitality/ naivety
Pack his bags and send him off. Show yourself and DS that you know your worth. Nothing get to lose, but everything to gain.

AnyFucker · 02/12/2016 20:26

Thank the lord

Happybunny19 · 02/12/2016 20:28

Stick to your plan and finish it, he's a nasty cocklodger. You're doing really well op, you're clearly a v strong woman

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 20:30

Yes he knows I'm done so he has walked out telling me he cannot live with me calling him names constantly!
Not quite sure what to do really... his bags are still packed from the last time he had a tantrum so I have put them in the hall...
Thank heavens my boy is with his dad tonight.x

OP posts:

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 20:33

Happybunny19 "Cocklodger" is my new favorite insult!

OP posts:

TwentyCups · 02/12/2016 20:35

I'm honestly glad to get to your last post where you say he is gone.
I agree that he has preyed on your vulnerability here and you sound very strong.
Please don't let him back and accept the help from your sons father, who sounds like a good person to have in your lives. Today can be the start of better things for you.

Original poster

endlessdilemmas · 02/12/2016 20:37

You are all so lovely... and hearing all your voices has spurred me on tonight.x

OP posts:

Costacoffeeplease · 02/12/2016 20:42

So glad to hear that, what a twat he is. How lucky his bags are still packed

Branleuse · 02/12/2016 20:44

good work. He sounds like a dickhead

MargoChanning · 02/12/2016 22:50

Well done! I really think he's taken advantage of you and you are well rid of him.

Have some and a big hug from me.

Miserylovescompany2 · 03/12/2016 06:58

Hallelujah!! :) you are stronger than you realise!

Take his stuff to his mothers, so he doesn't use it as an excuse to return.

You need to prepare yourself now, he will bombard you with texts, calls and impromptu visits. He will firstly assign the blame on you. Then he will try the sympathy route...whilst he's throwing himself the biggest pity-party known to man! He will beg and plead. Then he'll turn nasty.

He will ATTEMPT to systematically press every single one of your buttons.

He will spread lies about you. He'll make out you were the abuser.

When the texts start. Simply text "please stop harassing me, the relationship is over" then do not text again. Don't block his number yet. As you need him to dig his own hole. Let him set the scene and be ready to finish the job he started..you simply do nothing. By not replying you will wind him up and he won't be able to stop himself.

You can use that text to get a non molestation order. (If needed)

Then go no contact.

Might I suggest you google cognative dissonance. In a nut shell it's two opposing views. It actually causes physical pain. The Cocklodger has been saying one thing and doing another. This is to leave you in a perpetual state of confusion and wear you down.

He's got nothing to lose. As he NEEDS you. YOU were the host of a parasite.

Remember YOU are strong. Xx

SweepTheHalls · 03/12/2016 07:14

Good luck today

Miserylovescompany2 · 03/12/2016 07:15

Might I suggest you give the Cocklodger's son a Birthday card and hand it directly to the boy himself. Maybe enclose £10 as a token gesture? If you can take it to the boys mothers home. I suggest this because it gives you an opportunity to tell the boys mother that you have ended the relationship. She might well tell you why her relationship ended with the Cocklodger? Don't prompt her to divulge anything though. (I'm guessing the Cocklodger described her as an abuser to gain your sympathy and to keep you away from her)

By doing the above you'll might get an insight to how he operates?

happychristmasbum · 03/12/2016 10:28

Well done OP - don't relent, you can come back to this thread as much as you like and we will support you.

Onwards and upwards.

LuluJakey1 · 03/12/2016 10:34

Do not, under any circumstances, let this man back through the door. Cut him out of your lfe completely and never look back at him.

Move on. You have support and deserve so much more that this horrible, weak, bully.

Yourface · 03/12/2016 10:47

How did it go last night/This morning?

Ahickiefromkinickie · 03/12/2016 23:30

But as the relationship has become so unstable he now says he wants to go ahead and buy it and live with her if necessary while he gets the deposit together thereafter to rent somewhere else - as his main objective now is to live around the corner from his son

Presumably he was hoping to get the deposit together while living at yours bill-free. Cheeky fucker.

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