How do you split seeing DCs with your ex for Christmas Day?

[gaelicgirl100]

I am a few weeks into a very recent split with my EA (among other things) stbxh.
I have tried really hard to keep things civil with him, so far access consists of him seeing our DC at his on weekends and he has them for dinner midweek. they are both very young, one toddler, one baby.

He put me on the spot last week and asked about xmas day. I stupidly agreed to spend xmas eve overnight with him and the DC so we would be together for them on xmas day. I've since reconsidered and feel huge levels of anxiety about this. I've told him I've changed my mind and suggested we try to find a compromise. I had thought maybe I could do our own xmas day on xmas eve, just me and the DCs, then he could have them xmas day? They're so young they wouldn't really know it's xmas eve anyway.

He is now threatening to pursue changing access (because all weekend and a mid week contact isn't me being reasonable?) but I cannot just pretend things are ok just for xmas day.

So how do you keep everyone happy? Has anyone found a decent compromise or system that works?
Is someone always left unhappy?

Exdh would travel from his home about 100 miles away and arrive mid morning Christmas day. He'd stay for the present unwrapping and lunch and leave late afternoon. The children adored it, I often gritted my teeth but on whole it was good. It worked for us and gave the children some special memories and all animosity was put aside for that day at least. We managed this for ten years. It helped that there was no partner my side to complicate anything

The first year we all spent Christmas at a mutual family friends house which worked well, this will be our second Christmas apart and he is heading overseas and my family are visiting and he will have a Christmas the weekend before and I suppose we will do alternate Christmases from now.

We are on good terms so both sides are welcome to call in for a glass of champagne and some present opening when it's not our year.

I would say don't worry to much about having it all worked out so soon into a separation, it's a big adjustment for everyone and an emotional time of year, try to be kind to each other this year, a lot of settling down will happen over the next twelve months while you find a co parenting rhythm

Good for you op.

Make it a German Christmas on Christmas Eve!