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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DRY 16

991 replies

vxa2 · 21/11/2016 21:38

If you're quitting alcohol for a brighter sober future come and join us here. A very welcoming bunch supporting each other every step of the way. Smile

Link to Dry 15

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2726334-Dry-15?msgid=65047780#65047780

OP posts:
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6
Vidorra · 08/01/2017 10:24

That's a difficult one Asahai although I do suspect you probably know the answer to it yourself Smile Ah yes Jason Vale, he is very SHOUTY !! I must get out my kindle and reread some of my books. I like This Naked Mind too free here

You never regret the drink you didn't take as they say Donald. Well done, one week on the horizon. I've also given up smoking although I do smoke a lot of the time. I cannot quit when drinking however, willpower goes down the toilet. It's shocking isn't it, how much headpsace alcohol takes up? That's the one thing I remember from my last long sober period, how much time I had to think of other things without that constant trying to moderate chatter going on in the background.

Sunday dinner here today too although parents are doing Dry January so I'm not worried about it.

Day 14. Woo!! Grin

Vidorra · 08/01/2017 10:26

wemay that's a huge move, I've done it myself in the past. Dust yourself off and try again Smile

wemayhaveaproblem · 08/01/2017 12:54

Gosh well done, Donald I have spent so long in the past thinking about how to avoid driving so I can drink. Have taken ridiculously long public transport options with kids to avoid having to drive.

And thanks vidorra. In Asia as of 5 days ago, so nighttime here. End of day 1, no booze.

Timeforteaandcake · 08/01/2017 16:45

Hi, just popped over from the Dry January thread to say Hello. I'm more of a lurker, so will pull up a chair in the corner for now, if that's okay Smile

sobersarah · 08/01/2017 17:35

Hi timefor and hi to all the new people :) And wemay well done for getting straight back on it :) Learn from it and move on :)

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 08/01/2017 21:03

Hi folks just a quick hello from the best looking only male on the thread.

feminazi · 08/01/2017 22:06

Hello,

I'm having a sober year. So far, so good! Smile

I'm going out for my birthday in a few weeks, so would appreciate some tips? I like the Appletizer in a wine glass idea!

wemayhaveaproblem · 09/01/2017 05:51

Hello fellow strivers, enjoying reading all your posts. feminazi Virgin Mary, depending on how you feel about tomato juice. I also quite like just having a tonic water with a slice of lemon in it.

Day 2 for me. Felt so good so far today (early afternoon in Asia). Must remember that tonight when DH wants me to join him for a G&T.

HopesDaddy · 09/01/2017 16:20

Hello everyone. I've been on a long time lurker on the dry threads for a long time now and it has been a source of unending support for me in recent times. Knowing the struggles i have had are shared gives me the strength to conquer my demons. Thank you.

In the place i am now i can say that my mis-use of alcohol started many years before the level of my drinking became problematic. Using alcohol to relieve stress and anxiety from when i first started full-time work.

My use of alcohol gradually increased, for many years just at the evenings and weekends. My DW became concerned about my level of drinking so i started drinking secretly, alone, secreting bottles about the house.

In my professional life i worked my way up the greasy ladder, able to function normally whilst all the time hiding my emotions using alcohol.

One fateful day i was bought a bottle of vodka, which provided a new way to secretly drink whilst being able to hide it from the world. By now my first waking thought was booze and the last before i went to sleep. I would drink a lot without appearing drunk. I would pass out at night only to wake in the early hours racked with anxiety.

Eventually i needed a drink first thing in the morning to cope with life. My timetable revolved around acquiring alcohol, removing evidence and then drinking in private. All the while i held down a busy job and family life as by now my children had come along.

I would drink all weekend, to the point that come the weekdays at work i'd suffer from mild shakes and sweating. Nobody had noticed the state i was in. A lonely depressing place battling a demon alone.

One fateful day i over topped up and was drunk at midday. My DW confronted me and i revealed all to much shock and horror. I was kicked out of my home. The penny finally dropped. I entered an addiction treatment programme and spent a month in residency detoxing and having counselling.

To cut a long story short, today is my 531st day without alcohol. I don't intend to drink today.

To anyone lurking, loitering or not sure, just to read the words of the people on this thread will do you no end of good. Good luck.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 09/01/2017 17:15

Hi Hopesdaddy, good to see you and congrats on the sobriety. Hope to hear a lot more from you.

Rrross1ges · 09/01/2017 19:38

HopesDaddy Flowers

It's day 40 here and my sister-in-law has sent me this. She doesn't know I've stopped drinking. DH is away until tomorrow night. DH has whisky and rum in the house and it doesn't really bother me but this is bothering me. I don't want to waste it by binning it. I could probably regift it. Ideally I'd exchange it for something AF. This is one of those times when the gin hag is calling me and I'm feeling hard done by.

I really need DH here to whisk it away and deal with it like a big spider.

DRY 16
TwirlyFoo · 09/01/2017 20:32

HopesDaddy a fantastic post which is very inspiring. A massive well done and wishing you many more successful days to come.

Goldenhedgehogs · 09/01/2017 20:40

rross your post really resonated with me I have lurked all the way through Dry 15 and never posted but I read your post and really felt your dilemma. Gifts always confuse me but I would think ...That gift has been chosen with love and care. The person that choose that gift cares for you, they would not want it to cause you the angst and grief it is now. Be strong you can do this, and get it out of the house, so it can't tempt you anymore. Either put it outside your back door to the bottom of the garden or pour it down the sink. Then scoff the chocolates as a reward. The person that bought you the gift would totally understand and if you are not "out" about not drinking you could always lie and say you loved it so much you had to finish it. Please stay strong and play forward the video of how disappointed you would be if you had to restart at Day 1. Good luck

Vidorra · 09/01/2017 20:46

Put it away somewhere Rross, attic or garage or something. Out of sight, out of mind. Then get DH to hide it tomorrow. I was the same the other day, bought a bottle of whiskey for a friend's birthday and they decided not to call over when I expected them. I gave it to my mum for safe keeping Grin

That is some going Hopes, massive well done to you! Such a hopeful, positive post. Thank you.

Rrross1ges · 09/01/2017 21:21

Thanks guys. I am determined no more day ones. The present is locked away. I think I'm more gutted that I'm missing out on chocolate (not comfortable with gin truffles).

SIL is great but I rarely see her so telling her that I have stopped drinking wasn't on the radar. I believe (from BIL) that her husband stopped drinking for similar reasons so I know she'd be understanding.

One more challenge to overcome.

lizzytee · 10/01/2017 07:35

Well done Rross i have found working out this kind of mind reset crops up all the time. It's also made me realise that there are lots of people who don't drink, and then lots of people who do who just don't notice if you don't, particularly after they've had a few.

But yes, put the present out of sight or out of the house.

FlowersFlowersFlowershopes daddy

Good to hear from you and thank you for sharing.

Loubilou09 · 10/01/2017 08:21

Hi all, just whizzing in to say hi and well done all!

Nice to hear from you hopes daddy, brave post and very inspiring. It's stories like yours that really kick me up the butt when I am feeling a little bit like I can't do this. What an amazing achievement....well done Star

DonaldStott · 10/01/2017 09:17

Very inspiring story Hopes you have dine so well.

I am on to day 8 now. Had a brilliant nights sleep last night. Undisturbed and slept right through without waking up, for the first time in god knows how long. Feel great today. I am starting a weight loss club with my sisters and auntie tonight, so really feel like this is my year for change. I know I need to exercise more, but one thing at a time. But I feel like, for the first tietime in a while, alcohol is not consuming my thoughts. Well it is, but in a good way for a change. More like. Tick, another day without it, rather than thinking at 10am, ooh what is on tv tonight that I can watch, which I will need wine for.

HopesDaddy · 10/01/2017 09:29

I hope that if maybe I just helped a little bit one person by posting then it is worthwhile and has been very cathartic.

Anything is possible, as long as you look after yourself, seek support whenever you can and have the support of those around you.

It is also good to write to down my story to realise how bad things had become. This addiction has a way of playing tricks on you to make you think it wasn't really all that bad.. But it clearly was.

Another day without that evil in my life. KOKO.

Vidorra · 10/01/2017 11:11

Hurrah well done Rross. I wouldn't chance the chocolates either.

First week in the bag Donald, congrats. It's great getting a proper, decent night's sleep again. Good luck with your club tonight. I agree, if you do too much you might end up feeling overwhelmed and stressed and we all know where stress can lead. One thing at a time.

See that's where my problem is lying the last day or two Hopes, little mind tricks that are telling me I'm not that bad. Oh how I conveniently forget the crashing panic attacks the next day.

I think mainly because back when I originally joined the thread I was drinking a hell of a lot consistently. My almost year off knocked that on the head but I'm back after realising I still can't drink without getting drunk. Well, I can but don't enjoy it and feel unsatisfied. I drink nowhere near the same amount I used to but binge instead. Rationally I know alcohol problems come in all shapes and sizes but still there's that tempting voice going you weren't as bad as you were before, you can 'cut back' again.

Rrross1ges · 10/01/2017 14:02

This addiction has a way of playing tricks on you to make you think it wasn't really all that bad

I can really relate to that. I need a laminated copy detailing the state I was in when I was drinking just to remind me that things really were that bad.

BGJ42 · 10/01/2017 21:46

Evening Troops...

Just wondering if anyone has had their sleep get worse? Some 40+ days in now and sleep still very broken... I'm attributing it to the withdrawal of the booze, but am also hoping it's going to improve or settle at some point.....

Hormones also a little all over the place - sorry gents, but my 'cycle' seems to be in full hiccup mode too... Again happy to put that down to the shock to the system of suddenly removing the drink, but wondering if anyone else has experienced similar...

Otherwise feeling OK, despite coming home from work with a bottle of martini..... I've added it to the pile of illicit booze accumulating in the spare room. I know I can't open any of it as I can't be trusted to have 'just one'. Actually I used to be much better, even in my boozy days, if the bottle wasn't opened it wasn't on the radar, but lately I just had to know it was in the house for it to be fair game... So I know I can do this... I want to do this...

Early start tomorrow, so really should be off to bed, maybe tonight will be the night for sound sleeping...

Finnishbiscuiteater · 10/01/2017 23:02

HI BGJ42

I found that it took ages and ages for my sleep to settle down - I still have to use sleep aps when I'm stressed now (8 months in)

It has definetly improved, but I think it's because I'm more aware of what helps me when Im stressed, if that makes sense (I guess it's all part of the learning to do better self-care thing...)

I really do find that just listening to guided sleep meditation from you tube very very helpful. Much better than getting drunk because I don't do the waking up at 2 am feeling a massive sense of dread!

Rrross1ges · 10/01/2017 23:47

Hiya. My sleep is OK at the moment but the hormones are all over the place. I don't know if it's age related (almost 44) or lack of booze related. I'm on CD 17 and already have all the PMS symptoms again. I seem to be on a 21 day cycle - I'm not amused. Also I'm really grumpy in the morning, especially with DH.

Loubilou09 · 11/01/2017 11:01

Hi all Rrrross well done on the present - that must have been hard. I think one of the hardest things to conquer with this addiction is the "treat/reward" aspect of it. It is absolutely ingrained in society that alcohol is a reward/need/stress reliever/treat/mood uplifter/confidence boosts blah blah blah that it will take a LOT to get the mind to see it differently.

What I also don't like is the whole "giving up" approach to it when we stop. It makes it sound like you are missing out on something when really you are choosing freedom from it. I remember when I quit smoking, I was so relieved to be free from the constant sourcing of them, constantly needing and wanting one, worrying if I had enough to see me through, worrying that I had left them at home, in the car or whatever. Worrying about where to buy them on holiday or where to buy them when the shop had run out of 20's or my particular brand. The freedom was AMAZING, plus the health benefits were incredible and everyone commended me on what a great job I had done to free myself from it. With booze it is a completely different attitude in society, people look at you pityingly at you being so weak that you have to "give up" this wonderful life enhancer...it is so much crap but I am also on that treadmill...it has taken me a long long while to start seeing it for what it truly is to me and that is far from a life enhancer!

I wonder if we could all make a pact on this thread and start using the language of being FREE from it rather than "giving up". I am a real believer in the power of positivity and if we keep using the terms "failing" "giving up" "quitting" we are not putting our minds in the most positive place.

Regarding sleep, I have written many a post about sleep post being FREE from wine. It took me a long time for my sleep to truly settle but when it did it is so so worth it. Sleep was actually one of the things that made me drink in the first place as I wrongly believed that it would help me sleep and then I relied on it. It did take me probably a good couple of months for my body to work out what sleep actually looked like without booze but I got there in the end. Some nights yes I don't drop off as well as I would like but when I do it is not restless, I don't wake up at 4.00/5.00 in the morning with heart palpitations etc.

KOKO everyone

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