Hello everyone. I've been on a long time lurker on the dry threads for a long time now and it has been a source of unending support for me in recent times. Knowing the struggles i have had are shared gives me the strength to conquer my demons. Thank you.
In the place i am now i can say that my mis-use of alcohol started many years before the level of my drinking became problematic. Using alcohol to relieve stress and anxiety from when i first started full-time work.
My use of alcohol gradually increased, for many years just at the evenings and weekends. My DW became concerned about my level of drinking so i started drinking secretly, alone, secreting bottles about the house.
In my professional life i worked my way up the greasy ladder, able to function normally whilst all the time hiding my emotions using alcohol.
One fateful day i was bought a bottle of vodka, which provided a new way to secretly drink whilst being able to hide it from the world. By now my first waking thought was booze and the last before i went to sleep. I would drink a lot without appearing drunk. I would pass out at night only to wake in the early hours racked with anxiety.
Eventually i needed a drink first thing in the morning to cope with life. My timetable revolved around acquiring alcohol, removing evidence and then drinking in private. All the while i held down a busy job and family life as by now my children had come along.
I would drink all weekend, to the point that come the weekdays at work i'd suffer from mild shakes and sweating. Nobody had noticed the state i was in. A lonely depressing place battling a demon alone.
One fateful day i over topped up and was drunk at midday. My DW confronted me and i revealed all to much shock and horror. I was kicked out of my home. The penny finally dropped. I entered an addiction treatment programme and spent a month in residency detoxing and having counselling.
To cut a long story short, today is my 531st day without alcohol. I don't intend to drink today.
To anyone lurking, loitering or not sure, just to read the words of the people on this thread will do you no end of good. Good luck.