DRY 16

[vxa2]

If you're quitting alcohol for a brighter sober future come and join us here. A very welcoming bunch supporting each other every step of the way.

Link to Dry 15

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2726334-Dry-15?msgid=65047780#65047780

Finnish

Huge congratulations Cookie

I felt a bit antsy yesterday because hogmanay was always a licence to drink and it felt odd and I was getting a bit wistful about all the super fun times I had whilst conveniently forgetting the crippling panic attacks, the time I bought wine in M&S at 10am then went into the changing room to pretend to try on some jeans so I could drink away my hangover or the time my kids caught me drinking prosecco in the wardrobe and weren't even remotely bothered because Mum was always doing crazy shit.

And I got to thinking about how I'd used alcohol as an emotional crutch, how I'd relied on it to get me through all the bad shit. Last year was a bit of a nightmare to be honest and I kept turning to the drink in the belief that it was getting me through.

Then last week, 24 days into my sober journey, 2016 bit me in the arse again. DS was admitted to hospital on Christmas Eve and had to have surgery in the early hours of Christmas day. It was a hard, hard night and a hard morning watching my son so distressed at being in hospital and in pain and frightened and trying to hide my fear. But we got through it. We dug deep and we found the resources we needed and we survived. And in all the drama I didn't have a huge panic attack or get shitfaced or make DH do it all because I wanted to drink instead of looking after my son.

And then yesterday I realised that all those times when I drank to help cope with the bad stuff I would have come through without the drink. And then I thought that the fact that I coped with DS being ill better than when I was drinking just perhaps showed that all those times in the past I was coping with the difficult bits despite the drink. Maybe all along I had it in me to deal with the bad shit but I couldn't see it for the fog.

misscookie how marvellous. I hope you have a great treat planned for yourself.

finnish, so glad to read you are doing so well after all this year has put you through, well done.

Adding to positives when I did 11 months sober before falling off the wagon, other than the brilliant sleep etc

Anxiety went totally. I always had the nagging feeling in the back of my mind I was running out of time health wise and it low level panicked me constantly. Every ache I worried, spent too much wondering if that was a pain I could feel in my liver area, what if I pushed it too far and ended up with withdrawals, got anxious every time I time to the doctors for something unrelated in case they found something etc

I was the healthiest I'd been in my whole life. Quit smoking, running half marathons, excellent bp

Mood was generally great with none of the guilt and shame baggage, I felt motivated and positive. Had so much time to do stuff.

I was far calmer with the dc and able to do more things with them as I had more money and time to do it.

I was able to put savings away and that was even with treating myself and the dc all the time.

I'm actually excited to have this ahead of me again. The last year of relapses has taught me that my life is incomparable better with alcohol out of the equation I know I might struggle as I'm still battling with everyday pain that drove me back to the bottle last year but I'm hopeful as long as I bear all these positives in mind it will be a success.

That's my first week done and for the first night in a long time I feel like I might actually sleep properly

Morning folks, loving all the positivity on here. misscookie hip hip hurray for your year achievement. Welcome to all new people especially those who have yet to declare themselves and are reading and lurking and wondering if this is for them. Balibabe was it you who said you would try for 100 days and then see how it went? That is a good tactic as it is very daunting at first I know to think you're never going to take a drink again. (Although I've now evolved to the stage when I'm ok with that). Dry January is a fantastic opportunity to try to pack in, you have so much cover as people tend to accept what you're doing without asking many questions. Good luck everyone x

I spotted this comment today on reddit regarding moderation; 'When I controlled it I didn't enjoy it, when I enjoyed it I couldn't control it'. This describes my relationship with alcohol perfectly.

Love that vidorra.

I had a wonderfully productive New Year's Day - cleared out the attic, found a ton of clothes / shoes I'd forgotten about, and de-Christmas-ed the house completely. Everywhere is spick and span and organised for a new year. Another brilliant side effect of sobriety

violets I did that yesterday in my office (I'm self employed and mainly work from home :) ) Lots of filing, dealing with stuff, dusting the now clear desk and sorting accounts. Shredding paper and lots for the recyclng :) It all seems so much easier to fesl with now I'm sober :)

Bloody hell Vidorra that sums me up perfectly as well!

Rrross1ges, what an horrific Christmas Eve/ day you had . Well done for staying off the booze. How is your son getting on?

I'm loving all the productive NYD reports! for everyone.

Hi everyone

Not really sure if I should join in here or not as not convinced my experiences are the same as a lot of you on here.

Generally speaking I don't drink too much; I often don't drink Mon-Thurs then get a bottle of wine on a Friday which usually sees me through the weekend and I'm fine with that.

The issue is when I'm in a social situation, birthday nights out, work night outs etc. I just don't seem to be able to stop myself on those nights and it is like a switch is flipped in my brain and there's no turning it back again. I end up being the drunken twat who tells her life story or any thought in my head to any one who will listen and just generally make a prat of myself and feel so embarrassed for days after and want to hide away.

These nights out can sometimes be few and far between, only every few months at the most so it's not like it happens every weekend which is why I'm not sure if this is the place for me or not?

There have been more of those kind of nights in the past year as there were a lot of birthday celebrations and weddings so I think it has highlighted more to me how much of a prat I turn in to on these nights.

I went far too far on new year's eve again and was throwing up and horrifically hungover all day yesterday, still feel exhausted today. Before NYE I had already decided that I was going to jump on the dry january bandwagon but now I'm considering making it more long term.

My reluctance at giving it up altogether is that I do enjoying having a nice glass of wine with my dinner at the weekend and on those occasions I am more than capable of just having a couple of glasses at home and then stopping. It's social situations that I can't control it. I wondered if after dry january I could go back to having wine with my dinner at the weekends but permanently stop drinking on nights out etc or is that just doomed from the start if I only half give up? Does anyone have a similar experience with alcohol? Maybe I do look forward to wine at the weekend too much and even though one bottle usually lasts the whole weekend it could still be better to have a clean break?

Sorry if this isn't the place for me and I won't be at all offended if anyone wants to suggest a different thread for me to chat on that is more appropriate.

Thanks.

Hi yes I could have written your post. I'm on day 43 of being dry but realistically I wouldn't have drunk on 40 of those anyway. The other three are the reason I'm here I've always been pretty good at turning down a glass and have never been one of those who pops out for 'a quick drink' after work. However I have always (subconsciously, but realising the extent now) got out of my skull smashed at birthdays / weddings / family parties / anniversary / really any social situation. It was ruining my enjoyment of those special occasions. It took me either not remembering or missing altogether two first dances and a much wanted pregnancy announcement to realise those social situations were about more than getting blind drunk and ruining the night for other attendees.

Everyone on this thread has really different experiences and reasons for being here, but we all have in common the desire for alcohol not to take up valuable headspace for us any more. I certainly have infinitely more mental space and clarity now I don't spend days / weeks ahead of every party planning my booze and day-after strategy.

You are very, very welcome here and there is no need to have all the answers straight away.

Should also say if you think that moderation is a better strategy for you yes then you might want to check out the Brave Babes thread. It's with a view to moderating alcohol intake rather than abstaining altogether like we're aiming for here. Hope that helps

Thanks very much through, you're situation does sound very similar to mine, I also feel like I ruin other people's enjoyment of social events and become the annoying drunk.

I really can't figure out what to do for the best long term. I'm definitely not drinking at all for January so I'll make that my first target and will reassess then. In which case I think I'd like to stick around here for just now to help me totally abstain and then you might all actually motivate me to stay off it all together for the long term!

Day 2 nearly done, going to have to find some really tasty alcohol free drinks to use as a treat!

*your situation

Sounds like a plan to me yes

Goodnight all, marking off day 44 in my diary!

Hello, hope I can join you. When i first separated from my Ex-H 5 years ago, I drank every evening after DS went to bed for 2 whole years. I managed to get sober using EFT and was dry for 18 months before thinking I was cured and could drink just at the weekends again. I managed to do so until december this year when ex-h introduced new gf to DS and I just descended into self pity. Comparing my life to his and thinking I'd failed. Near broke, renting, 37, single and having let myself go. Whilst he's buying his place, got a fantastic career and getting to now start over with a pretty little 25 year old. I drank pretty solidly from when school holidays started until New Years Eve and I've had enough. I want to heal properly, alone in my sober state, I want to get these extra stones that have crept on off, I want to get running again, I want to be clear headed and open and honest, not hiding my wine in the boiler cupboard or behind a curtain , to not have DS thinking drinking every night is "normal" and so that I can look at myself in the mirror. Now is my time to close the door to the past and start building a new future. I'd like to be able to handle whatever pain and struggle comes up like a healthy adult. So umm yeah sorry if that's TMI for an introduction lol, never been good at those... but yes it would be nice to be accountable here if that's ok. Today will be day 3.

Hello everyone. This is the start of my new life. I spoke to my dh and posted on here last night. I want to kick my binge drinking. I have a serious issue with booze. I can easily drink 2 bottles of wine and get up for work the next day. In fact. Its just the norm for me. I don't drink every night, but I don't know when to stop. This year, things are going to change. I want to be healthy and happy. I am 40 this year and have a lovely dh and dd and want to do this for myself and them also. This is a big step for me. Admitting it out loud. And it feels good to do.

Hi fellow newbies monica and donald I think this is definitely the right place to be! Hope it gives you the help you're looking for.

For those that are much further down the road than me, how long does it take to stop feeling exhausted and groggy in the morning? It's now day 3 for me (with the last time I went 3 days being mid-december) yet I'm still desperate to be tucked up in bed and already dreaming of dc's bedtime so that I can go to sleep again! Really looking forward to the first morning where I wake up with energy!

Hi monica and Donald and welcome to the thread and well done taking the first step and making the decision to stop

Monica, your story is so familiar to me. I also stopped for nearly a year and thought I could go back to moderation and 'normality' hence why I'm back to day 9 now Also a single parent and part of the reason I used to drink so heavily was as a coping mechanism. I found it very hard to deal with my feelings of jealousy, resentment and loneliness whilst I was struggling with young dc and ex got to carry on with his life. Dating, working, a social life, buying a house and even taking up a part time uni course whilst I had to give up studying, sit in the (rented) house every night by myself, barely had time to pee and doing the relentless donkey work day in day out. It seemed so bloody unfair. It still does tbh but I've let it go and have a little rant to a friend or my mum every now and again

I'm doing this for me and for my kids, it's not fair on them for me to opt out.

Hi Monica and Donald, I'm also a new to this thread and on day 3, I cannot express enough the insight of reading the whole thread. It gave me the courage to admit my daily bottle of wine habit, knowing I would not be judged, only supported.
I have never told anyone in RL my drinking abilities and also function the following day, albeit sluggish or groggy depending on if I've drunk more.
Like Donald I'm very interested in the sleep question, the first night I was fine (in reality I was exhausted as I drunk my last NYE), but last night I couldn't settle, and when I finally drifted off I kept having really strange dreams, bordering nightscares. Please tell me this will go soon?
Have a good day eneryone and thank you for all the positive stories provided.

Welcome monica and Donald you'll find no judgement here. Day 3 here, not much sleep and feel hungover. stomps feet angrily and flounces off

Thank you. I have just told my family on whatsapp that the amount I drink is verging on dangerous (I know it IS dangerous), but a lot of our family get togethers involve drinking alcohol. We are due at a family do on Saturday and I am going to drive, but I felt they had to know that I am serious and have an issue or they would try and get me to have a drink (oh go on type of thing). Feeling positive.

Hi and welcome :) if you look back a few pages I put up a post with a lot of links to various helpful sites.
Regarding sleep, it takes a few days to settle, sometimes longer. Don't stress, your body has become unaccustomed to natural sleep but it does come back! Have books, podcasts, music or audio books to hand for when you really can't sleep. No screens an hour before bed, no caffeine after mid afternoon, try a warm bath before bed and some herbal tea and I recommend Headspace and Andrew Johnson apps for relaxation and stopping the brain whirring.
You can do this :)

Hi all day 6 for me. I was an every day drinker and often more than a bottle a night so quitting mean't my sleep was hell for a good few weeks, in fact in truth it took about 8 weeks to get completely normal. I was hesitating telling people that as I thought it would put some off but all I kept telling myself was that it was far far better to be tired than to be hungover and it wasn't hideous for all of those 8 weeks but just not perfect (but then again my sleep certainly wasn't perfect whilst drinking and in the latter months I had started waking up at 3 and 4 in the morning due to booze). In the first 7 days or so it took me hours to get to sleep and I took 2 x over the counter sleeping tablets, eventually after about 3 or 4 weeks I cut down to 1 sleeping tablet and then after 8 weeks I cut that out completely and was sleeping on my own, head hit the pillow and out for the count.

For those of you who have read the whole thread and maybe even previous threads, you will have seen where I said I was a dreadful sleeper in my youth and 20's and I actually think it was one of the reasons I drank in the first place. I was so stressed, had a huge job and used to work all the hours god sent, I would come in from work at 11pm and know I had to be up again in 6/7 hours so wanted desperately to sleep. I started having a glass of wine to knock me out and it went on from there over the years. One of my biggest worries about giving up the booze was actually about sleep deprivation and how long it would take to get into a pattern.

I doubt anyone will take as long as me to get sorted with their sleep but I can guarantee you will get there and when you do it is so so worth it. Yes I also had the nightmares and really weird dreams in the first few weeks so that is perfectly normal too. I used some hypnotherapy type sleep apps which worked well.

I am back on day 6, had three months off before Christmas and stupidly thought I should have a few drinks over the holidays which was a mistake, but at least I have learn't from it.

KOKO everyone!

Hi there

For me the sleep settled after about a week, and now I get really good restful sleep, the only problem is I sometimes get too much - in bed ATM but I have a stinking cold and a night shift ahead of me.

Two things I say - take this thing odaat - one day at a time, you aren't giving up booze for life, just for today...tell yourself this every time you get out of bed.

Don't lift the first drink...sounds silly, but it's the first drink that gets you drunk, not the 3/4th etc, if you don't take he first drink you don't have to take any of the alcohol anywhere in the world. I am now on day 149 - 17 weeks, this from someone who was full blown alcoholic, daily drinker of at least 8 lagers per night

I'm similar to Lou, my sleep took a good while in settling down. Caveat; I am not a good sleeper at the best of times. I did try nytol myself but found it made me so groggy and yuck the next morning it wasn't worth it. Even with a crap night's sleep and though I would appear to be sleeping less when I'm not pissed, I feel ten times better every morning than I did when drinking. It may have been quantity but it wasn't quality sleep before.

For everyone new, if you haven't noticed the usual dry january thread has started in Chat also