My husband has hit our daughter and she keeps getting constant UTIs.

[user1478635055]

Would this make you question things?

I wouldn't necessarily link the book throwing to the frequent UTIs but the book throwing is unacceptable as it is. The frequent UTIs need to be investigated - sexual abuse is one possible cause but there are other causes too (when DD had her first UTI the doctor recommended getting an ultrasound because structural abnormalities causing UTIs aren't exactly uncommon in girls)

Please get your daughter to a GP as soon as possible and tell all your concerns.

Op, the two may or may not be related, but anyone who throws a book at their 9 yo daughter has some serious issues.

Let me put this into context as I see it. My father threw tennis rackets, books, magazines and toys at me. Nothing to worry about you might say? No!!! He als beat my brother and mother senseless.

I had recurrent UTIs, not through sexual abuse but through a kidney condition. I also wet the bed regularly as a child, as I lay awake listening to my parents arguing and fighting.

Things aren't always black and white, not always clear cut. The two things may or may not be related, either psychologically, physically or sexually.

Get some help op, you have suspicions.
I really hope this is not trolling. Many mnetters, myself included, are here for you if you need help.

Have you spoken with your daughter?

he's a nice person and works with teenagers - Almost all abusive people are nice with a job before they're caught out and people see them for what they are. He's been physically abusive towards a 9yr old CHILD for heavens sake and I don't care if it's a 'one off' or not, a child should feel safe in their own home.

My daughter finds it hard to speak so it's hard to ask her I try and I try and find stuff out but he says he will get rid of me I'm trying to answer questions sorry

Don't worry, keep talking to us.

HOw would you feel about taking your daughter to the doctor and asking them to explore all the reasons why she might have repeated UTIs?

When you say he is pushy with sex, can you explain what you mean? Are you having sex when you don't want to?

You are obviously worried about your DD - has something made you suspicious?

Cross post

Your daughter finds it hard to speak? Does she have special help with this? Are you not able to speak to her when your husband isn't around?

What does he mean when he says he will get rid of you?

OP Here's a link here to some external organisations who can help

Is there someone in your life in a position to help you, that you can trust with your suspicions?

A Dr, your DD's teacher perhaps?

I'm getting a picture of a very controlling man. Is this correct?

Ok.

What do you mean your Dd doesn't talk? Why not? Does she talk in her home language with you?

Go to the doctors with her and explain to the doctor your concerns.

Leave this man. Hitting her with a book is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE

What happened to make him throw a book?

Has your DD behaviour changed.

Did you suspect sexual abuse before tonight.

What are you trying to find out that say he will get rid of you.

Have you mentioned your concerns to anyone in RL?

You really are giving very little detail but you need to sit down with a professional and talk through your concerns.

This reminds me of another thread we had recently.

OP, I flagged this up to MNHQ not because I think you're a troll, but because I'm hoping they may be able to direct you to a few websites or numbers who may be better placed to advise you. It sounds like a disturbing situation, and I think you need RL support.

Come on everyone, ease up on the grammar police 'we'll only respond once you form proper sentences '. This sounds like someone in distress and she's already said English isn't her first language.

Have a look at the links and try to find some real life help. Something isn't right.

Talk to-

Her teacher at school. Ask her if she has noticed any changes in your daughter? Has she become quieter? More withdrawn?

Call women's aid, Get your daughter, get your important documents and essentials and walk away NOW from this monster. It may not seem that easy but you need to.

If this is genuine, please leave with your daughter as soon as possible. I'm not sure if he has sexually abused her you'll have to speak to gp. But you sound terrified of him as does your daughter, that's enough reason to leave.

Ok.

Firstly, taking the UTIs out of the equation, his throwing a book at a 9 year old child is completely unreasonable. It's disgusting. It's abuse.

The UTIs could be a number of things, one of which is unfortunately sexual abuse. Do you think that this is what's happening?

Is your dd non verbal due to SN or will she not talk about her father?

I think that maybe people are suspicious because the English used in the subject line is very different to that used in OP's posts. Also there is dripfeeding.

I can't prove it, but in my own mind I am convinced that my father's abuse (which included book throwing) caused a number of physical health issues in my teens. (They all stopped when I left home.)

He will only get worse as she enters her teens and becomes harder to control, and the damage he will do will last a lifetime. It might already have happened, as there may be other incidents that your family has normalised.

Please do what my dithering, wibbling, enabling, excuse-making, silly mother didn't do and get the child out of that environment.

I think you are making a big leap. Physical abuse won't necessarily precede or be accompanied with sexual abuse. She could have labial adhesions which is a very common cause of UTIs. Let's hope it is the case. Either way, both issues could be supported and forwarded by visiting a GP with her.

i dont think he can get rid of you. he cant.

you can leave and take your daugher with you. What else has he done?

Your H throwing a book and your child's UTIs wouldn't raise questions for me. Being blunt your failure to take action would.

She could be getting UTIs because of stress at the fact that her father is abusive to her.
It could be lots of things.
Think hard. Really hard at other signs.