Ashamed to say....

[MsBearL26]

On Saturday I hit my partner, and his son who's 18 heard what went on as he was in the house upstairs. We had fallen out whilst out drinking (root of many evils I guess) and he called me a catalogue of vile names which he knew would rile me. His past 2 exs have cheated on him and I guess he's wary of women, but after 2 years with me I thought he had more trust in me. He ended up screaming at me calling me a slag continuously, even though I never have and never would cheat. I locked myself in bathroom n he kicked door in. Then called me that name again and again til I snapped. Now I feel incredibly disappointed in myself and his son won't talk to me. I just don't know what to do apart from cut back/give up drinking so I'm more in control. Just looks like it's all my fault but after hours of name calling and criticism me myself and my family I just lost it. I'm 44 and have never behaved like this and just feel so sad and ashamed.

Get out now! You need to think of yourself and your children. It's easier said than done byt just look at what he has done...and said!

Please don't sell your house and do not marry him!

I think you have dodged a bullet,It'll only get worse and if you sell up he'll have something else to hang over you!

Just adding to say if you marry him your house will be half his. He will tell you that he doesn't want your house. He will suggest you get a pre nupt which of course you will say isn't necessary.

I have personal experience of this. The 'lovely' man SIL marrried a few weeks ago walked out on their honeymoon. He said she made him do it. He said it was her fault because she knew that he gets upset when she spoke to other 'men'. All she had done was say 'good morning' to the man on reception. And the sad thing is .... she actually still thinks it is her fault. He has 2 ex wifes and she has (had ) 2 houses.

This man is abusing you. Leave him.

Another thing I have noticed is he doesn't like any of my friends, family....even my 80 year old mother! He picks faults in everyone I mix with. Yet he has hardly any friends and wants to spend all his time with me. He doesn't even have a relationship with his mother (or his 3 children from first wife)

Please don't marry this man.

Please don't sell your house.

Protect yourself and your daughter from this man.

You deserve better. You really really deserve better.

Those are massive warning signs OP. Do not buy a house with him, or sell your house, or marry him. Start planning to extricate yourself from this relationship.

If he's like this now, things will only get worse after marriage. I mean breaking down a door to call you a slag - well, it's just beyond the pale isn't it?

I am astounded that men like this get women.

He must have a solid gold cock.

His attitude to your nearest and dearest is classic abuser behaviour.

From all you've said, I think you know what needs to be done.

Calling your daughter a slag would be a deal breaker for me.

You have your own house and no financial ties to this arsehole. Walk now before it gets more difficult.

You have your own house so I'm not sure there needs to be any further discussion. He won't change or see he did wrong. He sounds bloody awful but he must have some good points on the surface or I guess you wouldn't have been making plans to marry.

Get home, change the locks and tell him it's over. Completely over. He won't give up without a fight so block his number and emails and inform the police on 101 because he most certainly is violent.

Please don't let him y'all you round on this.

There are more red flags waving here than there are at a Communist Party convention, OP. Disregard them and you will be the one to suffer.

Trying to isolate you from friends and family is classic. I bet he makes you feel guilty or that you don't love him enough if you don't want to spend every breathing minute with him, like he does with you?

Women's Aid signs of abuse. I'm not excusing what you did but you had been bullied and threatened for hours, culminating in violence.

End your relationship with this loser

There is no future in it

Why would you marry someone that brings so much misery to your life, just don't do it.

If any man called my DD a slag I'd show him the door!
Just bin him, he's horrible.

His ex has tried to warn you.
His family won't have anything to do with him.
He hardly has any friends.
He is trying to alienate you from your family.
He despises your daughter.
He refuses to trust you, and is abusive and violent towards you.
He is manipulating you into thinking that everything is your fault.
He wants you to sell your house and tie yourself to a joint mortgage with him, while keeping his own house separate.

Please OP, listen to what everybody is telling you and get rid of this despicable character.

He doesn't like your friends and family and it is his intent to drive them away from you. Another form of abuse.

These abusers try to isolate you so that you have nobody else and you're stuck with them.

He is Verbally and emotionally abusing your DD too. Calling her a slag for being friends with a lad - what will he be like a few years down the line? She'll have to leave her/your home to get away from him!

Please get rid for her sake, if not for yours.. He is abusive.

He sounds hideous. Do yourself a favour and get rid.

He's an emotionally stunted misogynist. Calling your daughter a slag would be most people's line in the sand. After two years, and when you aren't married? There's only one way this will go if you stay with him. He will get significantly worse and your daughter will think you're a bloody idiot. Come on, you can do better than this.

Look at Yamadori's list and ask yourself if you are so desperate for any relationship that you would tolerate this fucked up one

At the moment it looks that way

You are in danger. You need to get out.

What you did is self-defense. You need to get him out of your life and your children's lives.

Do not marry him. Do not sell your house for him. You don't need him. Financially, and it would seem emotionally.

Actually, your posts are making me angry now.

You are still sharing oxygen with the bloke that called your teenage daughter a slap ?

Get your fucking priorities straight. You might think this loser is good enough for you to be the brunt of his woman-shaming shit but your daughter is off limits. Sort it out.

*slag

Jesus, this post is terrifying the more I read. Please, PLEASE leave this man.