Ashamed to say....

[MsBearL26]

On Saturday I hit my partner, and his son who's 18 heard what went on as he was in the house upstairs. We had fallen out whilst out drinking (root of many evils I guess) and he called me a catalogue of vile names which he knew would rile me. His past 2 exs have cheated on him and I guess he's wary of women, but after 2 years with me I thought he had more trust in me. He ended up screaming at me calling me a slag continuously, even though I never have and never would cheat. I locked myself in bathroom n he kicked door in. Then called me that name again and again til I snapped. Now I feel incredibly disappointed in myself and his son won't talk to me. I just don't know what to do apart from cut back/give up drinking so I'm more in control. Just looks like it's all my fault but after hours of name calling and criticism me myself and my family I just lost it. I'm 44 and have never behaved like this and just feel so sad and ashamed.

[dodobookends]

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

You lashed out in self defence and fright (hardly surprising given that he kicked a door in to get at you). His son won't talk to you? He has obviously been learning about how to treat women from his dad, and has probably seen behaviour like that from him before, so thinks it is normal.

[ChocolateForAll]

He sounds emotionally abusive. You were pushed to breaking point and I certainly am not judging you for lashing out. What on earth are you doing with this man? Why are you planning on marrying him?

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

You know this isn't good, and you're better off without him.

Be prepared for the inevitable avalanche of "if this were a man ..." goady MRA shite. It is not the same. Not at all.

He broke down a door to keep calling you a slag. Just remember rhat when he comes to you all grovelling.

Oh wait, he hasn't been apologised. Well, there you go.

[Blackbird82]

Your relationship with your children will be serious affected if you marry him. He is emotionally abusing you and has done the same to your children. Have there been any other occasions?

Personally I would get rid. He's not a nice man.

[Bertucci]

Awful behaviour on both sides.

You have both lost control and need to end this horrible relationship before it gets even worse.

Why would consider marrying someone that has a violent temper and calls you names?

[whattodowiththepoo]

You both sound bad, end it soon.

[MsBearL26]

At the moment I own my own house mortgage free. He has his house with 7 year mortgage remaining. He wants me to sell mine and he'll get mortgage for half new house. I can pay outright for my half. BUT he says he won't sell his, just rent it out for extra income

[Blobby10]

If you were my sister/friend and I all I had to go on was the info on this thread I would advise:

1. Split up from him - DO NOT get married whatever you do
   
2. Be honest about your drinking and why you do it - losing control is never good. Go teetotal if necessary before you or someone you really love gets hurt

[OohhThatsMe]

This is such an unhealthy relationship. If you marry him one of you will end up dead or in prison.

Your poor children.

Do you live together? If so, whose name is the house in?

[fleurdelacourt]

OP why would he dictate that you have to sell your existing property?

It sounds like he's trying to control the relationship and control you. You cannot consider marrying this man - if he's like this now, then how will he be a few years down the line?

[slippedupagain]

OP, you need to get away from this man. He is abusive, and the mortgage situation sounds like he is hoping to lock you further into the relationship. Think about it this way - would YOU batter down a door (which he's locked, to get away from you) to yell abuse at him? I very much doubt it.

[BurningBridges]

You have no reason to stay - you have safe accommodation elsewhere, no young children together, this will only get worse please end it now.

[SquinkiesRule]

Do Not Sell your House
Do Not Marry this Abusive man
Do Not even stay with him.
Leave and don't look back
He's vile and trying to gaslight you into it being your problem and you being wrong.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Awful behaviour by both of you.

It's a toxic relationship

[madgingermunchkin]

DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE

You need to leave this man, he's an abusive coward, and the police certainly wouldn't charge you for defending yourself in the face of aggression. They would however, more than likely be having words with him for his threatening behaviour.

If I were you, I'd phone the local police station and say that you want your ex to move out, but due to past threatening behaviour, you're scared of how he will react.

Please. Don't stay with this man. It will only get worse.

[Pallisers]

Do not sell your house
Get out of this toxic relationship
Ask yourself why you would consider marrying someone like this
Cut down on your drinking.

I feel very sorry for your children. For an 18 year old to hear that horrible drunken, violent fight must have been awful. For what it is worth, I'd have hit him too if he kicked in the bathroom door but that is neither here nor there. This is no way to live - for any of you. Get out.

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

So he kicked the door in and repeatedly called you a slag, yet his son's ignoring you?

Looks like the misogynistic apple hasn't fallen too far from the tree.

[hellsbellsmelons]

DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE
DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE
DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE
DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE

You are in a good position right now.
Get him gone and live a lovely abuse free life in your mortgage free home!

But.... I have an awful feeling you will be taken back in by him.
Do try not to!!!

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

Also, he called your daughter a slag for daring to form a relationship with a young guy. Does he treat his son the same way when he has a relationship?

[SandyY2K]

I was thinking this is bad .... until I read him kicking the bathroom door in. You moved yourself away to escape the verbal abuse and he forced his way in so violently.

Well I can't say I blame you.

Does his son know what his dad did?

With the name calling and what he said to your daughter .... I think I'd end the relationship.

His insecurities will destroy him, but you do not deserve to be insulted and abused like that.

You know if he'd been shot you would have had a good defence and him forcing himself into your safe haven by kicking the door down would have been all the evidence they needed.

[CoughingForWeeks]

You have nothing to be ashamed of here: if a bloke kicked a door in and came at me hurling abuse, I'd hit him too, with whatever blunt object was nearest to hand. He sounds like a right cunt vile, controlling and aggressive. You wouldn't be happy for your daughter to marry someone like that so please don't settle for this yourself. You deserve better.

[TheCakes]

So he wants you to relinquish your assets into joint property, while he keeps hold of his? That's not equal or fair. He's taking away your independence while retaining his own.

[tribpot]

You definitely need to detox. Start with purging yourself of this poisonous relationship, later you can examine whether you need to address the drinking as well. Do not even consider moving in/selling your house/marrying him. And don't fall into the trap of thinking if you end the relationship you are admitting you were at fault - just get the fuck out.

[MsBearL26]

Oh yes there's a massive hole in his bathroom door. Just wonder exactly what he's told his son because it's not first time he's heard his dad calling me that name. At the moment he lives in mine midweek and me at his weekends

[MsBearL26]

To be honest I only drink once or twice a week, usually happily. But he'd chipped away at me since 2pm and after a few wines I just lost it I guess :(