I have 2 DC under 2.
Up three times in night breastfeeding baby. H sleeps through.
Toddler cries at 7am, I get up, change her, give her milk, take her downstairs. I ask her to wait while I go back upstairs to get newborn. She follows me back upstairs. H sleeps.
Take newborn downstairs trying to navigate toddler down steep stairs behind me. Make breakfast for toddler. BF baby. Toddler starts throwing food and saying she doesn't want it.
H comes down at 11am, showered and dressed and questions why there is food on the floor. I explain toddler did it. He tells me we need to set a plan in place to discipline her better about food and I must think about what to do to stop the mess happening.
H makes himself coffee and settles down opposite me, still BF-ing, while toddler cries around me because I am not giving her attention. He puts football on his phone.
I burp baby and put him down, clear up the dropped food. then pick up toddler and take her outside in the garden. We play a few games. H comes out and asks if I'd like some of what he's having for breakfast. I say yes.
Baby starts crying while H is making breakfast. H shouts out into garden and tells me to deal with it. I try and persuade toddler to come in but she doesn't want to and starts crying.
I go and get baby while toddler cries outside, with the intention of taking him out, but realise I have to wrap him up because it's cold. Take him upstairs to get blanket. Toddler comes in and follows me.
While wrapping up baby, toddler takes all the clean nappies and spreads them over the floor. Put baby down, try and get toddler to play tidying up game. Toddler takes a pile of nappies downstairs and dumps them at bottom of stairs. H complains that I have let her make a mess AGAIN.
H puts breakfast on table. I hold baby while I eat with one hand. Toddler cries and holds on to my knee. H texts while eating breakfast.
I kiss toddler on head. H looks up and says "you never give me any affection like that." I am so tired I don't know what to say.
I wash up breakfast and baby is crying. Toddler goes into fridge and pulls out bottles and packets. H comes into kitchen, complains that baby is crying, and makes a case that I have "allowed" toddler to "totally mess up the house within 2 hours of us waking up."
H grabs packets and bottles from toddler's hands and shoves them back in fridge and slams the door. Toddler cries and clings on to my leg. I can't finish the washing up.
In dining room, H is setting up his computer on the table (he works from home) and he tells me I must stop toddler from touching it. Baby cries again, wants to be in a different position, so I pick baby up and settle him.
Go upstairs to finally get dressed (yes was in the garden in nightie and jumper.) Toddler follows. I clear up nappies, have a wee and a shower while toddler watches and throws things into the bath shouting random words and pointing out my body parts.
Baby cries, needs changing. H is pacing in dining room saying he cannot do this anymore (unclear what, but presumably just the chaos of mess and noise.) I ask what I can do to help. H lists impossible things like "stop toddler touching anything," and "don't let baby cry." And "be more organised."
Toddler is hungry from refusing breakfast. We need food for lunch, someone's got to get it. H refuses point blank to be left with either child. I give him the option of either going by himself to get food, or me going with both DC. He chooses the latter. Takes me a while to put toddler and baby into car, drive, toddler in trolley, baby in sling, go round Sainsbury's, buy food, back in car.
Toddler is starving now, so give her a cracker while waiting for food. H complains that I feed her junk. I offer to make lunch, but H does not want to deal with DCs, so I look after them while he makes lunch. H asks toddler for a hug. Toddler says no and runs to me. H becomes morose. I suggest that he is a bit gentler with her and then maybe she will want to cuddle. He tells me I have spoilt her and he is the only one who disciplines / is the bad cop and that is why she won't cuddle him.
We sit down to lunch and H accuses me of "never cooking him a hot meal." I say I am always dealing with the children. He says "you don't love me anymore." My brain is too fried from hormones and tiredness to work out what I want to say or fight back or anything.
And on and on and on...
Is this typical of a marriage with very young DC? My H is the one who earns, so certain behaviours and work stress are understandable... but is it really like this?