Need urgent advice please. Serious issue

[Namechangeemergency]

Hi. Obvious name change for this.
I have been on MN for years. I don't mind people knowing who I am but I don't want this linked to other stuff and I will be asking MN to delete my history if that is possible.

If you work out who I am that is ok but please don't mention my MN NN. I have had it for years.

I have a DS who is adopted. His birth mother is related to us.
My DS is extremely vulnerable. He has ASD and LDs. He has complex issues.

Last night at 2am his birth mother, grandmother and half sister (a young child) turned up on my doorstep demanding to talk. As if it was a normal time to turn up.
I didn't speak to them but my OH tried to reason with them. They stared shouting and screaming and woke DS up who became very distraught and frightened.

I called the police and they responded quickly and took it all very seriously.

I really need some advice on how to get an injunction and what sort of order I need. The police told me I need something so he can arrest her if she does it again.
I cannot stress the huge impact this sort of thing will have on my DS. He is beside himself and thinks she is going to take him.
We have tried to maintain relationships over the years but her behaviour is so dangerous and erratic its been impossible.
DS is legally adopted. There is no contact order in place because BM refused to cooperate despite me advising her it was important for the future.
We had nothing to do with him being removed. We just stood in when he was going to be put into foster care and he has been with us since he was 8 weeks old.

I need to get this sorted asap but I dont know where to start.
Is there anyone with professional knowledge who would be willing to help us? I know its a lot to ask but just some pointers would be of help.

This is a woman who sent me texts when my DD was terminally ill, wishing she would hurry up and die.
I had to have police at the funeral to stop her turning up and causing trouble.
I have never had an argument, slagged her off to DS or caused any sort of trouble with them. I concentrate on what is best for DS.

She is incapable of doing that.

Oh FFS, non-mol.

OP,
I understand what you mean when you say they want the glory. We've experienced this caustic vicarious adulation from our grandchildren's estranged father.

He never supported them or bothered. Since they've became 18 & 16, getting further education and jobs to support themselves whilst learning. Him & his thick wife have come out of the woodwork to mop up the glory. it seriously makes me seethe.

I hope you get the support you need. Enjoy your new job on Tuesday.

After this mess is sorted, then I really do think that a formal complaint needs to be made. I cannot believe that they published photographs etc without your consent.....someone needs to be made accountable for the fallout this has caused.

As an aside, does your DS go to any respite provision? If so, the carer/club would also need to be informed that only you or DH can collect or which areas should be avoided.

I know who you are - you gave me great advice and support not long ago when I was interacting with SS. You are a wonderful person and you don't deserve this shit. I'm not expert enough to give you advice, but I think you've had a lot of good counsel from people who know a lot more than me.

I hope you get the non-mol sorted quickly and these twats leave you and your DS alone. [floewrs]

DS has been quiet but calm today.
He has been talking about what happened in short bursts. Asking for reassurance really.
Our older boy came round today and that helped. DS idolises him.

I am not looking forward to all the faffing about talking to SS tomorrow but it has to be done. I won't be able to talk to anyone until Thurs afternoon if I don't sort it tomorrow.

I will call the school first thing and ask for someone to see me right away.
I think face to face is better or do you think a phone call would be enough?

You sound lovely. So does your DS.

The LA that precipitated this are truly awful. The birth family sound hideous.

Poor you & poor DS.
Good luck getting it sorted. You sound like a lovely mum!

I agree, face your face at school would be better. At least then you'll know you have their full attention, that they grasp the importance of the issue, and you can make sure the message gets to exactly the right people.

Will be thinking of you

Phone school first thing, say you're going in so they are expecting you. After face to face send email to all the key staff confirming the outcome. Sounds a bit much? But do it anyway for peace of mind.

Just huge hugs, I recognise you, your poor DS and the rest of you

Nothing to add that is helpful but I recognise you and wanted to send my support and best wishes. Thinking of you and your family.

I'm another poster with no useful legal advice but wanted you to know I'll be thinking of you. Don't worry re the new job - you got it because they wanted you, and so they'll wait for a couple of days or whatever if they have to. All the best x

Time to batten down the hatches.

A face to face meeting with the school is essential for your own, and your son's, peace of mind as you certainly dont want to be worrying that his wellbeing may be compromised when he's in their care.

You are best advised to make a formal complaint about the breach of confidentiality that has most probably led to this unfortunate incident.

The police should have warned off the birth family relatives and, at the very least, have issued a police harassment warning.

The local authority should take steps to put injunctions in place to deter any further unwelcome contact.

Your son has rights in this matter - give Coram a call www.childrenslegalcentre.com/

Good luck - I hope you'll be reporting back with a successful outcome tomorrow.

I hope you can get this sorted and that you also have someone looking out for you.

No advice, I recognise you and your family. Sending you strength and

I too recognise you, no advice but wish you the best of luck in getting this sorted very quickly.

Best wishes from me too x

I have been to the school.
Got a call back from Local SS but they seem resistant to helping with legal. I said it would be a goodwill gesture and that we had no support so far from the post adoption team despite many historical attempts to contact them.

SW is going to get advice.
I just want this sorted out so I can forget about it and get on with life.

I recognise you.

What a complete and utter pile of shite. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Fingers crossed your SW will pull their finger out of their ass and get something put in place for you asap.

I recognise you too (i think). This is so unfair on all of you. Your poor boy, and also poor you and DH.

I hate all that slopey shoulders stuff from LA Departments. Been there myself - not nice. But if you are who i think, i know you will get this sorted. You are always so pro-active for all your DC's.

Have you been able to contact a lawyer?

Horrible for you. hope you get it sorted.

I have just asked for a call back on DS's behalf from the Legal Aid Dept.

I feel like I am contacting too many people but I am trying everything today because I can't do anything until Thursday pm.
Also it will be helpful to be able to tell SS if the options they are giving me are not suitable e.g. MASH team told me I should contact an organisation today and they turned about to be a DV agency. They also told me Victim Support would help me but VS said they don't give legal advice, only emotional support.

I am fed up of this already. I wanted to spend today chilling and getting stuff ready for work tomorrow.

Pfft.

Just wanted to say good luck, you sound so strong.

Hope your ok op