Crying

[pinkpixie83]

My silly boyfriend has flown off on holiday today without me.

Over two years together, no discussion and off he goes. We haven't even had as much as a weekend away together.

But it's ok because is parents booked and paid for it. So why should I be considered after two and a half years!

pictish no one is supporting the idea that this guy just can not possibly go away with his parents.
What I support is the idea that what normally happens is that parents invite him, he talks to the OP, tells her about the plans and when they would be going. He is communicating and talking.
What he would NOT do is hide the fact he is planning to go away for months and just drop it in a conversation with his dd.

And she might have accepted it last year already. She might have 'suck it up' but then a lot of women accept unacceptable behaviours for a long time before finally standing up on their two feet and say NO.

pink unfortunately if he has never had time for you as a couple and has always refused weekends away etc.. then it really confirms that he wasnt into you at all and you were more a fuck buddy for him than a bf/partner.
And doing that when the other party isnt aware/agreeing to it is crap.

You regardless of the reson, hidding things and pouting your had in the sand has NEVER helped

Sorry too many spelling mistakes in there...

The point is you want something from the relationship that he isn't prepared to give.

It doesn't matter whether you're right or wrong or expecting too much / too little.

You've finished it now so you've said your piece. What he needs to do is decide if he's willing to give you what you want or if he feels that he's dodged a bullet.

Don't force things any further. Just wait and see.

If you've known for a month, I really don't get why you sent him a shitty text on the first day of his holiday.

I'm not sure why people have chosen to pick up on whether or not this lad is her boyfriend or partner, or even why them living together matters. You've been with him for two years, and if I was in your position I'd expect some amount of decency and respect for the other half. I'd be upset if a holiday was casually mentioned in passing rather than just being told straight like an adult in an equal relationship.

Hmm...but if she was unhappy about it last year it's going to make it that bit harder to broach it this time round isn't it?

It's also possible he was trying to avoid an extended period of moaning about it as well, so left it till later to drop it in there...all casual like.

I'm guessing of course...but if you get a bad reaction the first time, there's no reason to believe you're going to get a better one the next time is there?

Pictish - please read Pink's last post:

It's not the going away with his parents that's the issue.

It's the choosing not too tell me, to allow it to be dropped into conversation. The fact that we never do anything as either a couple or a 'family'. I have suggested we do weekends away just us, but there is always a reason not too or something comes up. I have suggested and looked for ways for us to do things as a 'family' but again there is always something stopping it.

Like I say it doesn't matter anymore does it.

Please also read OP's post on page 1.

"If I'm honest I don't think he should want to go on holiday without me after two years but clearly I am wrong as no one shares that opinion."

Just because I don't think he should want to doesn't mean I would stop him going!

I just wanted some communication and understanding but I didn't get that from him.

Understanding about what though?

And given that you did your nut about this last year, I suppose he was reluctant to tell you this year.

That communication/understanding door swings both ways, pinkpixie. You don't sound very understanding yourself, just quite petulant and annoyed that he is daring to go on holiday, on his own with his daughter, again...

It's actually none of your business. You were not a family, you have your children and he has his child. You haven't posted anything to the contrary other than that you have been dating for 2 years and he went on holiday also last year - but without you. What was your reaction last year? I think that might explain to you why he didn't draw your attention to it this year. He should have, he should have just told you straight - but your reaction to this year's holiday is disproportionately angry.

I think you've come to the end of the road anyway with this relationship and if you hadn't ended it, he would have, sooner or later. You're not right for each other and you want different things, have different expectations.

Sending the text was shitty; you keep on about communication and how you expect to be treated - and you end a 2 year relationship by text.

Yes, understood Pictish, but more of the picture has emerged in Pink's post at 18:49 which you are choosing to ignore.

I responded straight afterwards.

Just because I don't think he should want to doesn't mean I would stop him going!

Well, no, obviously you couldn't stop him going anyway, but it does sound like it means you feel vindicated in emotionally blackmailing him about it. What he 'should want' first and foremost is to put his daughter first. That means if he has the opportunity to take her on holiday, he should take it.

I don't understand what communicating you wanted him to do above and beyond what he has done. Him 'dropping it into conversation' a MONTH prior is him telling you. What else do you expect? It doesn't require a sit down chat.

And Pag I agree. It's none of OP's business. Why she thinks a discussion must be had and understanding offered I do not know - it's between him and his parents and that's all.

All he is obliged to do is inform her...which he did!

Sorry OP I think you've had very harsh responses too!
He won't plan anytime away with you and your kids, he 's hidden the fact he's going away with his parents for the second year running!
I think you've done right to end it though! He obviously was not keen for the relationship to develops & move on!
I'm sorry
This man is not for you!
Try to look after yourself & keep busy!

pictish if you mean that he didnt disappear for a week wo telling the op, then yes he told him.
If you mean, he directly talked to her when it was being arranged rather than avoiding telling her and dropping it in a conversation with someone else, then yes thats what this guy did. And no, in my books, its not telling the OP.

Ok...but it would have done for me.

pink from you said, ie his total lack of involvement, I dont think you would have got any understanding at all.
He seems to be doing what he wants/likes and spending time with you isnt one of them :(

You knew a month ago that he was going, but yet you've waited until the day he leaves to dump him by text on the first day of his holiday?

Have you spent the last month moaning about it and hoping that he wouldn't go or something?

You've sent that silly attention-seeking drama llama message just to get a reaction and intrude on his holiday.

Honestly, you need to grow up.

pictish it wouldnt have done it for me neither. If I have spent two years of my life with someone, I expect a minimum of respect. And that means talking to me directly rather than dropping stuff in a conversation.
You can do that sort of things when yu know the other person doesnt give a shit about that particular thing.
When you know its not the case because you are refusing to go away with them on a weekend etc.. then no its absolutely not on.

Context is everything there.

Aye a lot of guessing there. I can see the OP saying anything about manning about it for a month or anything like this.

I would rather suggest that once this guy went away on hols, the reality of it hit the OP and that's when she really started to realise she would not be able to 'suck it up again' and that she would not stand up to it.

Telling him now would only be attention seeking if she had plans to use that to force him to stay with her or spend more time with her. As it stands out, she made a clear break. So she wont get a lot of attention from that!