Crying

[pinkpixie83]

My silly boyfriend has flown off on holiday today without me.

Over two years together, no discussion and off he goes. We haven't even had as much as a weekend away together.

But it's ok because is parents booked and paid for it. So why should I be considered after two and a half years!

You need his definition on your relationship. Otherwise you will always be feeling as uou do now.

Well, not really. You don't live together, so bar seeing each other a few times what difference will his being away make to your life that week? It doesn't impact you financial either, and telling you a month in advance is hardly last minute.

Tbh, at this stage you haven't combined lives or finances, so he doesn't need to run any of this by you. But it is perfectly reasonable to want to holiday together, that is a separate issue.

He told you a month in advance but you are crying about it?
Do you think you might be over invested in his time/life? You might want to rethink the relationship.

Yeah it's ok I realise I'm nothing to him while he's something to me

OP you're getting way too hard a time. He should have told you as soon as it was booked.

So all of those giving the OP a hard time would be okay if their partners/boyfriends or whatever just fucked off on holiday without discussing it beforehand?

No? Thought not.

If he was my bf i would expect him to mention it of course. OPS bf did a month ago. However i would not expect a discussion about it.
If it was dp then it would be totally different.

But what makes someone a DP Izzy?

The DP/ BF argument is not important here. OP is highlighting an example of how unimportant she feels in his life. The question is what to do when he gets back, as others have said you need a conversation about how you each see the relationship.

I completely get what you mean OP. How do you think he'd react if you did the same?

Onion I agree with what you're saying.

What's to discuss though? It's not like she's going to object to him going (I hope) or that he's going to do as he's told and bail on it if she did.

OP - it might be a bit remiss of him to drop it into the conversation as he did I agree...but you don't live together so it's possible he just didn't think it was a big deal.

He didn't quite sod off without your prior knowledge as you are conveying, so I do suspect you're making more of this than there might be.

It's ok I realised that I must be over reacting and that my feelings have no bearing on his holiday.

I obviously expect different things from a relationship than him and expect more consideration after two years.

If I'm honest I don't think he should want to go on holiday without me after two years but clearly I am wrong as no one shares that opinion.

Put and shut up or get out!

Does it really matter whether the op refers to him as BF or DP? They have been together 2 years, so whatever she calls him, this is unacceptable behaviour. I feel for you OP. I'm having a similar issue at the moment with my BF/DP of 2 years. He wants to use up the last of his holidays next year to go on a ski trip with people he hardly knows from his gym, meaning we will have no holiday together. We normally ski together.

I started a thread in Relationships the other day if you want to have a look (I'm not sure how to link). I got some good advice and over the last few days I have taken a huge step back. I'm very hurt and finding it hard to feel the way I did before.

If he wants things back the way they were between us before, he will have to step up to the plate in a big way. I'm worth more than this and so are you! Just remember that

Don't be easily available to him when he gets back. But do try to talk this through and get an idea of where he sees your relationship going. If you're not on the same page with regard to the future, then it may be time for you to move on.

If he had told you...or discussed it with you, would you have opposed it?

Maybe he knows you will complain so didn't tell you. Have his parents paid for them all to go?

"If I'm honest I don't think he should want to go on holiday without me after two years but clearly I am wrong as no one shares that opinion."

Ok. I think you ought to rethink that.
These are his parents and they're paying for him and his kid. Of course he said yes! Did you really imagine he would turn it down because you weren't going as well?
High expectations indeed. Come on now.

Whatever you call him, OP, boyfriend, partner, etc. isn't really important. I know of people who call their current boyfriends 'husbands'. It's just how they perceive them and it doesn't really matter what other people think. You talk about 2 years as if that means something and again, it doesn't - it's a period of time. Some people fall in love and are close after a week - others aren't that close after 10 years 'together'. It's how you are as a couple when you're together that defines you, if you need definition.

But... the issue here is that you are less important to him than he is to you. You want your lives 'linked', he does not. That is the crux. You see yourself doing stuff as a 'family', he doesn't. You aren't his family as far as he is concerned.

You're giving him a priority that you do not hold for him and that needs to change. Step back a bit. Your children don't need to see their mum crying over somebody who she's been with for a while, because he went on holiday without her.

All the conversations in the world won't change this; you can only change what YOU do, not what he does. Make him less of a focus and get on with your own life with or without him.

He doesn't sound very serious about your future. You've never been away together for even a weekend? I assume you don't live together? And he didn't tell you until recently about the holiday.

What are you getting out of this relationship?

And this has nothing to do with whether you live together or not, as some pp maintain.
You should still receive the same consideration.

But what makes someone a DP Izzy?

I posted the answer earlier.

It's never going to be straightforward when you both have children from other relationships. He won't see you or your children in the same way as he sees his parents or child when you're living apart, with probably different custody arrangements.

I think the lack of discussion was deliberate.Surely when he was considering it, booked it, told his daughter he might have mentioned it.I suspect he knew it would cause issues, because you both have different expectations.

Please don't let this take up anymore of your thinking, I assume it's your dcs half term as well.Focus on them.

I have been the partner/wife to a man who had a child from previous relationship and I have given too much.I should have listened to my instincts earlier on and not compromised on my needs..

If you feel very let down I think you should listen to that.None of us know your relationship and so can't judge expectations.

You feel it's upset you, hear that and accept this man isn't right for you, or its the wrong time for you and him.Don't force yourself too be ok with this if it doesn't sit right.He has made a decision which is right for him, so do the same for you and your Dc's.

What did he say last year when he did the same thing and you explained how it made you feel?

What sort of holiday would you like, the two families combined?

It does sound as if his parents paying might be the clincher, do they like you? More information needed really.

Doesn't matter now and won't anyway.,

I've text him and told him I can't forgive him this year for behaviour that he knew upset me last year so I'm guessing the relationship will be over.

Can't say I agree with your timing OP, when he's on holiday with his DC. Each to their own though

No probably not the best timing but I'm hurting