Crying

[pinkpixie83]

My silly boyfriend has flown off on holiday today without me.

Over two years together, no discussion and off he goes. We haven't even had as much as a weekend away together.

But it's ok because is parents booked and paid for it. So why should I be considered after two and a half years!

Exactly this from hermione2016:

'You feel it's upset you, hear that and accept this man isn't right for you, or its the wrong time for you and him.Don't force yourself too be ok with this if it doesn't sit right.He has made a decision which is right for him, so do the same for you and your Dc's.'

Good luck x

Pinkpixie83
Please do not start worrying/feeling guilty about the text, it really is nothing less than he deserves.

He doesn't seem to care about your feelings.

I'm really sorry if I'm being a clod OP...but surely it's perfectly acceptable for your boyfriend to go on holiday with his parents and child, when it has been booked and paid for by his parents...and that there was no discussion that needed to take place other than for him to inform you that he was going...as he did a month in advance.

I don't understand why you are breaking your heart over this OP, I really do not. You surely did not expect him to turn it down...did you? In his position I certainly wouldn't have had my child miss out to satisfy you.

If there is more to this than we know then fair enough, but going on what you have given us so far, it seems disproportionate and dare I say it, inappropriate to be this upset.

What am I missing?

Texting when he's away when you've known for a month is really shitty. Were you waiting for him to cancel? Or magic a space for you and your dcs? Leave him alone to enjoy his holiday with his daughter and parents

Well you've done it now so dont go back on it , or youll find yourself replaying this next year as well.

But what's wrong with him going on a holiday paid for by his parents, last year, this year and every other bloody year to come?

When my mum was still alive I went on holiday with her a few times without my boyfriend (who later became my dh) - there was no problem. I wouldn't ever have expected there to be one and lo and behold, he was absolutely fine with it. Not an issue.
That's normal imo.

This mooning about acting the injured party and sending good time ruining texts is not.

This is weird.

I would probably tell a boyfriend, especially if I wasn't living with him and had no kids together, if I was going on a family holiday with my parents (which happens once a year) but it wouldn't be up for discussion. It would be a 'I'm going to be away the first two weeks of July" kind of statement. It also wouldn't be something I would expect him to have any feelings about. I mean, it's a family holiday, not a drink fueled night club based week long rave.

I don't think he's inconsiderate. I think YABVU.

The holiday is not the big issue here - the lack of discussion and communication about it is what has bothered me the most and the lack of willingness to do anything us a couple or with us and respective children.

I've figured out I'm in the wrong, I shouldn't be upset and ultimately I'm a bitch for texting him. It's ok because I'm sure he's got better things to do on his holiday than look at or even dwell on my message.

Sorry for expecting support/

If I'm honest I don't think he should want to go on holiday without me after two years but clearly I am wrong as no one shares that opinion.

It's a family holiday. They are his parents and his daughter.

You are an important person in his life, but these people are also important. This holiday is not about you.

And I would break up with you immediately if you ruined my holiday with my family by sending needy texts while I was away.

I have to say I'm at these answers.
The OP head no issue with him goimg away with his dd and parents. She had an issue of not being invcluded and told. In effect she had some issue with RESPECT towards her. It would have been totally normal to tell her about the plans when they were made rather than arriving with a 'fait accompli'.

Im also at the attitude that she should 'shut up and out up' and that she is nothing as 'she is just a girlfriend'.
When we decided to get married with DH, we hadnt actually lived together so i was 'just' a gf at the time. Yes if he had behaved like this, I would have even very hurt as clearly we had arrived at a very different level of relationship (and yes still lived apart)

OP Im really sorry that things are not going so well.
I agree with you that you shouldn't 'put up and shut up' nor that you are less than nothing because you arent living together. 2 years IS a long enough time to be considered a serious relationship, even if you aren't living together.
I also agree that it des say someting about your relationship and that maybe he doesnt see it as important as you do. In whcih case, then ending it will be a much better option for you, even if it hurts atm.

Xpost.

YY it is VERY clear that your issue is about communication and not about the hols.
Unfortunately, it seems that MN is getting deaf at the moment and is refusing to hear what you are saying loud and clear.

Again, sorry about what's happening to you atm. Its not right.

I think it is becoming apparent as to why he didn't tell her sooner.

It strikes me as very controlling to text him that when he's away with his wee girl. And very unattractive behaviour too. I'd hate a guy to do that to me. Do your kids see their dad? How would you feel if he refused to do anything with them that his girlfriend wasn't involved in?

I totally get that its about communication. With the best will in the world he did it last year and you got upset but stayed with him, he's done it again so yeh youre upset again but youve ended it now so there you are youve made the call. I dont think youre being a bitch, maybe a bit of a martyr though. The passive agressive stance of apologising for your feelings in.a bid to have them actually validated is rarely a successful way to communicate your point. Its clear he doesnt have 'couple' plans for you though so I think youve made the right call.

What has made it clear he doesn't have 'couple' plans for them?

Btw OP just for information, MN doesnt do sarcasm very well. Apparently, it is not the acceptable thing to do .
Which I think explains some of the responses you got.

It doesnt mean that these people are right though.

pictish I'm with you on this one. I'm not getting it at all.

op does he have to check with you if he goes for dinner with his parents/child? What about a trip to the cinema/zoo/park? Does there need to be a discussion each time he does something with his family without you?

Could you (and your dc) have afforded to go along with them had you been invited?

Are you crying because you know deep down that this relationship is going nowhere and probably was never going to?

I can see why that would upset you but the actual going away he told you about a month ago so if not the above I'm not sure why it's upsetting you so much now a month later.

To be honest if I were him now I wouldn't be impressed with that text and would be ending it anyway.

If he told you earlier that his parents had done it again and booked a holiday the op would of been OK with it. But it's ok for him to do that but it would be nice for them to do something together.
I think you have had a lucky escape so he really doesn't sound invested in you.
And yes this would of upset me as well.

OP kicked off about the same thing last year too. A year in. He wasn't to go away with his parents without her then either.

Why is anyone supporting this nonsense?

Couple plans = a weekend away, a holiday together, saving up to take all the kids on a day trip that sort of thing, You know?

It's not the going away with his parents that's the issue.

It's the choosing not too tell me, to allow it to be dropped into conversation. The fact that we never do anything as either a couple or a 'family'. I have suggested we do weekends away just us, but there is always a reason not too or something comes up. I have suggested and looked for ways for us to do things as a 'family' but again there is always something stopping it.

Like I say it doesn't matter anymore does it.

I think the fact that his parents have funded this is significant in that. I could be wrong.

Maybe he planned to tell you, but didn't know how to say it without upsetting you. Or was reluctant to tell you because of your reaction the last time?