Is it quite normal not to have contact with siblings?

[Boomerwang]

I have one brother who is five years older than me. He is married and has two boys. I have not spoken to him or seen him in years. He's uninterested in me or my daughter.

As far as I know we haven't had a fight or pissed each other off previously, but him ignoring me has kind of made me do the same, rather like 'if he won't then I won't either'.

Growing up with such an age gap meant we never were particularly close, but we both lived with our parents into our twenties (who could afford to live alone in Birmingham?) so it's not like life took us in different directions early on.

I just want to know if it's kind of normal to lose touch completely with your own brothers or sisters.

If it matters I know his wife has cut me and my parents out of her life completely. Perhaps he's just supporting his wife? Even before that though he didn't seem to care.

I'm a bit scared, to be honest, which is why I'm bringing this up now, because my parents aren't getting younger and I don't have any other family in my life.

I have an only DC & on threads on here, I sometimes read that she'll miss out due to not having siblings. This thread has solidified to me that she won't miss out and I can stop worrying

I don't have a great relationship with my siblings. we see each other a few times a year and occasionally speak on the phone. They're nice but we're very different.

I have a large circle of friends, many of whom I've been friends with for more than 20 years. I like my SIL and work friends - I'm happy to keep sibling relationships on casual terms.

I rarely see my two sisters, I guess we talk every few months. No falling out just very different people and we are spread out geographically. I don't really know that many people who are close to their adult siblings come to think of it.

Sometimes it comes down to the parenting.

Even in later life I never once heard my mum express the wish that she should see us both at the same time or 'be together as a family'. She definitely preferred to be with her friends.

I can go months without speaking to my sister, we both have busy lives and my mum let's me know what's going on in her life. However if she needed me I would be there in an instant.

I hardly have any contact with my brother and haven't seen him for over a year. I am very close to my sister though, we speak everyday and see each other at least weekly. I think it boils down to whether you would be friends with an adult sibling if you weren't related.

My brother left for uni at aged 18 and reduced ties ever since. My parents tolerate it even though they get little contact with their grandchildren. They just don't want to rock the boat. Calls to his mobile are left in a voicemail and responded to months later because he's "busy". He's a doc with three kids and wife.

I don't tolerate this type of relationship so we effectively haven't spoken to each other for 25 years. Our lives get on fine without each other.

My parents are devastated that we don't get on. They coerce me to see him at Christmas time when I conveniently travel to their neck of the woods. I felt awkward being in my bro's home with my parents. I was never officially invited, just tagged along with my parents. They never saw it from my perspective that I felt cheap.

My brother NEVER makes an effort to call me or visit me even though he might be in my neck of the woods. He travels to London and literally waves out of the train window as he travels past my home, if at all.

I finally convinced my parents to leave me out of forced Christmas reunions at my brothers in 2019; I pointed to all the times he visited London and never popped in. He would fly down on his way to some attraction with or without the kids and said he couldn't get time off to visit.

His wife makes no effort at all. She makes effort with her family only. She didn't even invite me to her hen night. Their wedding day, we were cast offs and knew our place.

I doubt we would even be informed if their kids were getting married.

My daughter has no cousin relationships at all. She has no siblings either. That is the bit which makes me sad

I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers. I haven’t spoken to any of them for almost 10 years. We had a very dysfunctional upbringing due to my mother’s MH issues and basically we were not brought up to care about each other and rather saw each other as competitors for my mother’s affection which was scarce.

I have tried to bring my own DC up very differently.

It is a source great upset for me, as well as shame and embarrassment, and it is weirdly heartening to know I’m not alone so thanks for this thread OP!

I don’t think 5 years age gap makes a difference. My sister and I are 7 years apart and we’re really close growing up. I think it’s more about the dynamics in the family and about parenting.

My sister and I haven’t seen each other in 12 years and maybe talk in the phone once a year. We do text a bit in spurts. We both struggle with MH issues and since our DM has passed we have both become a little avoidant but we are like that with everyone not just each other.

My brother is the person I trust most in the world. We tell each other everything.

My partner is not particularly close to his sister, but they do keep in touch. My old boss (now friend) literally hates her brother, he smokes to much weed for her liking and they are vastly different people.

What I’m saying is everyone is different OP. If you want to reach out, do! But equally you don’t have to. Sounds like he is v tied in with his wife anyway

Did your SIL just unfriend you and your DPs for your public FB stuff - or did they block and ignore you on everything else as well. I have “hidden” a few people on FB whose posting I find irritating - but still have a RS with them in RL. What was the advice your DM gave in a public forum to someone she maybe doesn’t know that well? Was the advice sought? Did it cause an issue with the recipient or did your SIL/DB deem it unboundaried or socially clumsy?

I also think a lot has to do with upbringing. Did your parents pro actively support your relationship - to encourage your differences (non competitively) but also ensure kindness and respect was the core way all 4 of you behaved towards each other at home. Also how valued were your DPs relationships with their adult siblings modelled to you when growing up.

I wasn't close to my brother at all in our 20s and early 30s, despite being very close as children. He was with a woman for 11 years who didn't engage much with our family and was all for hers. When they split we gradually got more in touch and are now very close and speak at least weekly and see each other much more. It's great.

Reach out OP, you will be glad you did, at the very least you will know where you stand.

I am youngest of 5. Eldest sis is 8 years older so didn't see much of her once she left home. Add to the mix loads of horses and other animals so she doesn't visit much, lives 200 miles away, doesn't have or like kids meant I didn’t see her for 6-7 years when our kids were young.
We get on fine but have totally different lives. I’ve not seen her for 18 months and probably call couple if times a year.

I see my others siblings maybe 4 times a year. Geographically none of us are ‘just pop in for a coffee’ distance but we all get on well when we meet and we haven’t all been together at Christmas (including mum) since about 2005!

I have 1 half brother, 4 years older. Not seen since Wedding in 2001.
A 'Mother', seen twice in last 10 years - she's 'busy'. Father is dead.
All other family estranged since I went to Police about CSA (family member). Other side of family (Father) located after 'Long Lost Family' type scenario. Ok but they were not esp bothered so tailed off.

exH family: all v 'normal / lovely'. VERY pleased with themselves.
But ... no- one bothers to speak to each other unless it is to complain about another member / to show off so fake as anything imo.

You can choose your friends ...