ExH applying for sole custody - I'm miserable

[user1475501383]

I've been sneaking on this message board for a while and am liking it, I hope you could give me advice and opinions on this...

The beginning 'sticky' post is brilliant where it says the only amount of abuse that is acceptable is 0%. But there is one thing that has not happened in my case. It says 'no your kids won't be taken from you'. But mine has been taken away by XH, at least for the time being.

It's a long story but I'll try to be as brief as I can without leaving out too much important detail...

2 years ago I moved out because of constant disagreements with XH. He was the 'domineering' type and found it hard to accept my imperfections, so it was an ever-increasing amount of criticism, escalating to verbal and sometimes physical abuse. At the same time, he presented as TheWorld'sBestDadTM and TheWorld'sBestHusbandTM and I doubted myself for years when I wanted to leave because my family adored him, as well as our DS, and also, he was so super nice to me sometimes.

He always told me that if we ever broke up, he would refuse to move, as it was his deposit in the house. We were abroad with DS (now 9) and got into another conflict and he refused to let me on the plane, so I stayed behind and flew back to UK the next day. I moved out then.

XH also always told me that if we break up, "I will take DS and use your mental health records against you". I am on antidepressants and I also have a diagnosed learning disability similar to Dyspraxia.

I moved back 6 months later, for a 3 month period, as I was so depressed I wasn't getting proper access to DS. Everyone told me not to get a lawyer - XH and my family - so I wanted to see if we could live together as a family again. However, it didn't work out, I moved out again and we stayed friendly.

However, I still wasn't seeing DS enough - I only had him over half a weekend and also one night during the week when I 'babysat' for XH at the old marital home.

Things rapidly got worse when I found a new man. On one of the conflict occasions I expressed that I wanted to have our son overnight during the week at mine, as obviously (because of the conflict) it was no longer viable for me to 'babysit' at the old marital home. XH was walking away from my flat then but turned back and busted his way in, and in front of DS and new partner XH started pushing me and threatening to take pics of the state of my flat for social services. (It was a bit messy as I was packing up due to an impending move etc.)

Long story short, I called the police and XH from then on stopped me seeing DS AT ALL without 'supervision'. I started court proceedings but progress has been slow. For an agonising three-four months I could not see DS for more than 2 hours a week at a mutual friend for a playdate. Mother's day I spent 1 hour at a local shopping mall cafe with my son and XH!!!

Then XH agreed by consent for me to see DS overnight one night a week without supervision. The court has not taken a stance yet AT ALL because of several bureaucratic issues delaying the process. Social services have been involved and so far they have said to me that they have no concerns regarding my parenting and that all restrictions imposed come from XH only.

We are due to have the first official report published in a few weeks as we're also going to court again then. I am nervous - my parenting will be judged based on an 1 hr long meeting with me and DS.

One silver lining has been that I got a good report from my GP stating that my medication and mental conditions should pose no risk to my parenting. I cannot stress enough what a relief it was to have someone say I'm sane enough o look after DS! Especially as I believe XH's behaviours fall a lot under 'gaslighting'.

Things that worry me include:

DS says he wants to only spend one night a week with me, XH has been parrotting this from the start. I used to look after him full time and then later on more like 60% when XH went freelance. I don't understand why suddenly my own DS does not want to see me more, and I don't know what it is that XH has done for it to get to this point.

DS has got a legal guardian so his voice will be heard in court through that. I worry it will actually be XH's voice that gets heard through DS.

XH lies a lot in his statements, I have tried to point these out in my responses to his (as I do have proof that some/many of them are lies), but the Judge has not yet had time to go through any of them properly, and I worry that XH will get his way as he is so determined to erase me from DS's life.

XH is a very charming man, and I worry the social worker / legal guardian falls under his charm. XH has successfully mobilised his whole family and many of our mutual friends to give written statements against me and my parenting. (Obviously the mutual friends are not my friends anymore after this!) He is very good at people skills and he also lies (which shows in the statements written by former mutual friends) that I am applying for sole custody when in fact he is. I am only applying to co-parent on the 50-50 principle, shared care. Like we always used to do when we lived together!

This has been a miserable experience and I doubt I would have made it this far if I didn't have my new partner by my side, as well as my family's support and their money to pay for my legal representation.

Any comments are much appreciated. Honesty too, especially that. I feel guilty - what kind of a mum does not live with their child??!! Have I failed my DS? Where did I go wrong??

Wally's post has reminded me that I wanted to say it is a very positive sign that SS see no problem with your parenting, and have stated it is only exh who is raising concerns. SS are very experienced at dynamics like this ie domestic abuse.

Reading through your thread it seems to me you have to be patient to allow the system to go through its exhaustive checks (that's not to say you shouldn't be actively proactive, which is essential, but the system is necessarily exhaustive and can take time). The fact that SS have already identified they see no problem with your parenting is a very good sign - their antennae are up re ex.

You are not to blame for his abusive behaviour 'frustration'. As if your stopping pandering to him could be justification for his appalling behaviour towards you! Please don't waste any more time trying to understand his motivations or his feelings. People like this are not amenable to reasoning or empathy, not from the person they've been victimising for years.

Wow, what can I say except thanks to all of you for your support.

DS & I had a fabulous night away doing some stuff that was really special to him (I can't go into too many details due to identification risk). XH tried to convince me that going away for just one night was 'irrational' but I stuck to my guns and arranged the trip around XH's inflexible attitude - I still had to bring DS back after 6 on Saturday, when we could have spent another night away but apparently XH 'had already made plans for Sunday' that would have been disrupted even if I'd brought DS back Sunday noon.

Currently any contact outside the court order is something XH will not agree to. I am starting to realise this is unhealthy, as if I was the RP I would certainly have given XH permission to take DS away for 2 nights because it was clearly better for DS.

That said, I am getting serious doubts about XH's parenting. I don't want to get too paranoid but it does seem that my easy-going attitude with aiming at 50-50 residence may not actually be the best thing for DS. I have started to realise, with significant help from you all, that XH's attitude alone can cause psychological damage to DS and therefore it might even be possible that me being the principal RP might be best for DS. DS also shows that he's scared of being told off by XH, in the sense that he often tells me things like ' do not tell XH', and yesterday just before I dropped DS off to XH, DS was panicking to dispose of his nearly full bottle of Coke that we bought on the train, in case XH was to see it. Similar reactions from DS have happened previously relating to video games and such, as XH doesn't really approve video games even though he still often lets DS play them as it makes his life easier. He lets DS play them but condemns it at the same time, I wonder how damaging this is?

I wonder what I should make of this? That DS is clearly scared of 'crossing' XH even when it comes to stuff which is petty, such as drinking a bottle of Coke on a weekend. My XH seems to lack perspective as he condemns a bottle of Coke yet thinks he's doing the right thing by preventing more contact with DS and his mum, me - especially what with all the lies he's been telling in the court proceedings. DS's fear reminds me of my near-constant low-level fear of being judged / criticised / condemned while I still lived with XH. A fear that I still haven't entirely gotten rid of but with your help I have made huge progress from being a complete doormat with my pandering attitude.

Major update from my last post: The caseworker's report (the appointed guardian) came through on Friday. I managed to read it on the train while DS was engaged in a game on his tablet. It literally changed my life. It was extremely professional, and unbiased. It was detailed, and gave clear explanations to her (social worker / guardian's) views.

That alone was huge. I had so been dreading that another miscarriage of justice would take place. But my worst fears were shown to be wrong on this occasion. To my absolute delight and relief, the social worker / guardian had not been sucked in by XH's charm and lies, but was able to give a voice to all of us.

Another massive thing about the report was that it gave a voice to my son. I had been worried sick that it would be XH's voice on the report not DS's. But the guardian had done an excellent job. The report was very detailed and concluded that DS loves both of his parents very much and has close relationships with both, and 'doesn't seem to favour one above the other' and that the reasons why he wants to spend more time with XH rather than his mum seem to relate to things like XH having a private garden in our old marital home.

My life has been changed by this report. It has given me hope. My DP calls everything that has been going on thus far 'a clusterfuck' and this is the first time some justice has been done for a very long time. What with the police reporting things wrongly on several occasions, and one particularly nasty psychiatric report regarding myself from years ago (which was overturned after 3 weeks but which XH knew to demand to be exposed as part of the court bundle) - the relief that I feel upon finding that somebody actually did a professional and unbiased job and actually took their time to do so instead of just quickly reporting something that is only vaguely reminiscent of what is actually going on or what I had said, this relief is so huge.

DP says 'I'm not surprised with the report but I understand that you are because everyone's been lying so much that you just assumed there would be more lies, and that you're amazed that she (the social worker) hasn't lied."

Wow. Just wow, but in a positive sense. I just love it when people do a professional job, especially with things that really matter. The guardian asks the court in her report to do 3 months more work with all parties to ascertain what is going on behind the allegations made by both XH and myself about each other's parenting and the possible risks to DS.

We're going to court this week so I'm really hopeful that this is what will happen.

I'm even relieved that the caseworker said that she does not currently have enough information to base a decision on regarding with whom DS should live with on the long-term basis. The amazing implication is that the RP could be me, not just XH based on the current status quo situation...

My life feels suddenly good again. It's like I've become a mum all over again. I'd started to get really paranoid about having failed DS and that maybe I wasn't a good mother at all. This report really made me reconsider my attitude which tends towards the self-critical.

And I have to state once again, support from you all has been simply invaluable. I hope you write back if you have anything to say about the new developments. It means so much to me to have your support.

Really pleased to hear that the report is professional and thorough. I wonder if the caseworker was already thinking she needed more time when she said your DS could change her mind and she would come back.

I have been thinking about what you asked about whether one night a week and the 'stability' with his dad was actually best. I think the situation when you were together and there was lots of conflict was not in your DS best interests. That is not a criticism- when you are abused, you have two options: to submit and try to keep the peace or to fight back. It sounds like you tried both, but fighting back = conflict.

So, it is better for your DS not to live with that. As it happens, your xH rather engineered you out of the family with the plane incident then it sounds like after going back, you realised it was not tenable.

Now what should have happened here is that through mediation, there should have been some discussion or even negotiations through lawyers, about some form of shared care. This would be the normal course of events as it is generally the case that a child should grow up knowing both parents in all aspects of their lives.

What then seems to have happened is that your understandable mental distress at the situation with your xH and your subsequent breakdown has been used by him to paint you as an unfit parent. Even if you were so unwell as to not be able to care for him, then this should have been seen as a temporary situation with an interim plan to work up contact as you recovered.

And finally, given that you are well, that you have space for DS, and the norm would be at least EOW and a night mid-week if distance permits, then your xH should be promoting that to your DS not limiting his time with you. Even if DS only wanted one night a week, it could be built up with one weekend a month etc.

So, in short, no, the current situation is not best for DS and it sounds like you are starting to see this! It is a means of retaining control and the constant attention to behaviour suggests that DS will not be free from control. One reason I ended my marriage was because I wanted DC to be free to grow up being themselves. I wanted them to be able to play music or to sit on the unit in the kitchen chatting, to watch TV if they wanted or to stay in bed and read if there was nothing on... All those things which suggest a level of personal freedom in one's own living space.

I am hoping for a positive outcome for you, even if it is achieved in stages. You have been through so much. I am glad your DP is supportive. Hang in there

Change his mind, I mean - on phone...

Thank you Cocoabutton. It is so nice to be able to 'talk' about this with someone to get a different perspective.

Thank you so much Springydaffs and Victoriafalls for your views, I have read them several times and they mean a lot to me.

It is so nice to have all of your your support. I often feel for DP as the ongoing situation can easily become the main thing I/we talk about... It's not the most romantic topic of conversation when we should be planning our futures together, have more fun etc. He is very supportive but I feel bad about burdening him and am genuinely wondering whether I should start seeing a therapist again, it's been over a year. It has meant a lot to me that you have chipped in with your views and support, and it continues to mean a lot to me!

Another update just in - I spoke with my parents as the most recent lawyer's bills came in a few days ago. DF says he cannot afford this anymore at least for the time being. therefore I will have to do self-representation like XH. We have a hearing this week but after that I will self-represent. I have sent my lawyer an email explaining this and asking if I could still keep consulting him as an when needed, but there just isn't money for the admin and combining court bundles etc.

XH does not want to even begin sorting out finances before the child arrangements comes to an end. Trouble is, my friend (a father) went to court over his kids for five years. Five years! Surely I'm not meant to wait that long for the finances?

Especially what with you all saying that what I experienced was domestic abuse and manipulation, I am thinking that perhaps I should be less laid-back about the 'let's sort the finances out at some point maybe' thing? Especially as I know XH has hidden some of his money on at least two occasions, one last year and one this year. I saw a suspicious email correspondence between him and his father that had taken place shortly after our separation - I saw it when I was using XH's laptop when I was staying there when we contemplated getting back together. Along with that, DS told me that XH has opened two accounts for him, or rather 'I have two bank accounts now' and he seemed to think there was a lot of money in them although with a 9 year old I dunno what they think constitutes a lot of money! I asked XH about the accounts via email a few months back but he didn't elaborate, just said they were for Ds's future, but I am starting to think I have reason to be suspicious.

That said, the finances aren't really at the top of the list what with wanting to have proper contact with DS! However, I am starting to realise that the unresolved finances do impact on my life directly and therefore they possibly impact on DS's life too. The reason he wants to stay more at XH's is, as stated in the guardian's report, that XH has a garden! I am renting a two-bed flat with my DP, no garden. XH has a three bed house with a large garden. I lived there for 5 years, we bought it together and my name's on the mortgage as is his, but I also don't want to be unfair because it was his deposit and life savings that secured him the house.

Any thoughts? I might start a different thread re finances as I have gotten so much good advice from you all with regards to this situation.

I'm slightly nervous about going ahead without proper legal representation but I didn't quite realise how dire my DF's financial situation is due to all of this... I cannot keep putting this level of financial stress on DF even though, as I am their only child, I'm sure if it was absolutely necessary they would do anything, including selling their home of 30 years, to support me having proper access to DS. I just don't want to take too much advantage of my OAP parents when they have been under such financial stress due to this already - as well as the emotional and mental stress of seeing what is going on with their daughter and grandson!

When I eventually had to self-represent, I won the case! Ex could see how well I was doing and sacked his team in the courtroom to represent himself. He dug a hole for himself, I'm very happy to report.

You will need counsel every now and then to check you're on the right track BUT you can arrange a payment plan with your firm re I paid my lawyers a manageable amount by standing order (I think - or direct debit) over many years. Many firms offer this. I also paid one firm out of my settlement (ex was a serial litigant).

I'm so happy to hear the report was professional and unbiased. What a joy of itself but what a joy for you (and your boy). Rah rah!

You need to include in the court bundle (?) all the evidence of ex's controlling and dominating behaviour. Do you have diaries from that time? Letters, emails, any correspondence? These are potent evidence in court. (Also keep a copy of this thread as a timeline, perhaps evidence.) Root out all evidence of ex's behaviour eg do you still have the plane ticket? etc.

Perhaps also write out a timeline of what has happened thus far, all the details - take your time over it. It will clarify to you the facts. And it's facts - or as near as! - you need in court, not feelings.

You probably already know that the court wants to hear the impact on ds first and foremost.

Go you!

I am really minded to swear here. When you said about your xH not letting you live in the former marital home, I thought but surely there is some kind of financial settlement? My xH basically stalled even beginning negotiations about anything (at the same time as harassing me and being hostile so I ended up with panic attacks) until he squirred away the money (in property and an account for DS as well as accounts overseas). God bless him, I hope the money makes him happy. Like you, my first concern was to make sure that contact could be sorted, I was not even asking about money.

I would imagine you can add financial abuse to the list, but it sounds to my untrained mind like he is trying to keep sole custody so he can keep all the house without paying out equity or actually letting you have it. If money for legal fees is an issues, he is effectively also hampering the representation you can access to fight the childcare aspects.

DS contact with his father, I mean, as DS was unable to cope because of ASD; other issues have now come to light. I was RP, so in effect I was paying a solicitor to get xH to agree to a consistent pattern of contact, he was threatening to come to the house when it suited him and calling me about same etc as well as following me after contact, so unsurprisingly I was not focused on financials.

Yes Cocoabutton, I agree with your views and suspect that my XH is doing exactly what yours has done.

I'm starting to feel insecure about the legal technicalities again and am worried that I will need to bankrupt my parents just so I can continue to have representation... It's a grim situation.

It's a catch 22 as I have no money to start a court process with finances but if I don't get my fair share (whatever it is deemed to be) then I won't have money for the custody hearings either should I continue to need it at a later point, or even immediately.

My DF is secretive about his finances, so I genuinely do not know how close they are to the 'family bankcruptcy' as he calls it or whether he's got something like 20k still left but he wants to save it for worst case scenario. Not just worst case scenario with this court case but other things too - it is his retirement funds after all.

Hello again,

I was wondering if you had posted on the Legal boards here - there is also a Divorce/Separation board where you might be able to get some good advice.

No-one will judge you for leaving an abusive relationship and now being in a position of having to both try and get fair contact with your son and also an equitable financial settlement. Think about what exact questions you want advice on, and you can simply link to this thread if anyone wants the back story. There is less traffic on those boards, but knowledgeable people who will be able to help more with legal matters.

My only advice is really to consider whether - instead of having no legal counsel at all - whether you could approach someone to represent you wholly, or in part, for both the contact agreement and the financial settlement - with the bills offset by in part a standing order paid monthly by you (the firm representing me do this) and set against the financial settlement (I don't have one and am not seeking finances, as it is not worth it any more, so I am not sure if this is possible)? Do you have a realistic idea of what this all will cost for different stages, so you can plan? Also, is there any way that your solicitor can claim your court expenses from your xH after a certain point if is being unreasonable?

The other point which struck me from the one night per week, is that if you had your DS any more than this, it would make you liable for less maintenance.

I think you said your preliminary hearing was this week. Maybe wait and see how that goes so you can get a better idea of how the land lies, and then thing about what your longer term plan needs to look like. You can get a second opinion from another solicitor, as I have said, without them taking over your representation, and just check whether there are other options your solicitor is missing. If you have to self-represent, springy had some good advice about doing this with some legal support but not full representation. The only caution I guess is that changing solicitors is costly, as they have to read up your files, but in my case I decided it was better than keeping with one who was out of their depth.

It is also worth being mindful of the fact that this may be a longer process than you anticipate. so it makes sense to have a strategy to keep your nervousness about technicalities at bay and to cope. I am almost four years since separation, with a very complex situation and much money spent, and I have basically come to the position that we might not be divorced till the youngest is 18; I just need to make sure that things are manageable for DC. Going back to see your therapist, even once or twice a month, sounds like a plan. You have many more insights than since you last spoke. Or get in touch with another support organisation, there are suggestions on this thread, to find people who you can talk to.

Thanks a lot Cocoabutton. Hearing is tomorrow, I'm really nervous, almost feeling sick. XH sent another aggravating email this afternoon, about how DS 'doesn't understand why his wishes are not being listened to'. This implies that XH has informed DS on what the guardian report says and somehow manipulated this response out of him.

He already had gone back to the guardian saying that DS wants to 'clarify' that he only wants to see his mum one night a week and not even one afternoon a week more (as it currently stands I see him one afternoon a week plus half a weekend). The guardian reported this in her report and said she had advised XH to not talk to DS about these things as it may make DS feel he is not safe in expressing his views. I'm really worried when XH apparently continues his manipulation of DS... I'm actually surprised he put it in an email as now there's some proof that the manipulation continues.

I haven't replied to your post as just read it tonight. Wanted to say good luck. I spent 4 years keeping my mad ex away from my 2xdd that weren't his!! The judge actually said in his final statement that not only was it inappropriate for him to see my girls but that it would be damaging to them if he did!! Your exh seems to hate you more than he loves your ds. A judge will read a lot into this tomo. Remember to bite your tongue and not smile when you win.

As advised by my barrister when I did indeed win!!

Massive good luck. Keep your wits about you. Be as concise as possible. Judges don't like verbose much.

good luck for tomorrow.

It is telling that your xH is trying to steer DS's response to the guardian's report. I would not respond to his email because the matter is within a legal process and your xH is trying to subvert this by contacting you directly. Just do not reply. You have no proof one way or the other what your DS said and in what context; it seems you trust the case worker is being professional, so really it is immaterial what xH says (aside from showing he is attempting to pressure you outside of the proceedings). The email is designed to get a response out of you, so ignore it.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have no real advice to offer, but I really really hope you get a fair outcome and have joint residency of DS.

He sounds bloody horrible :( Well done for getting away. No advice but you sound stronger than you think you are. Be brave!

Thanks a lot for your advice as always.

Well said mybeardeddragon "Your exh seems to hate you more than he loves your ds". This. I really hope the Judge will see what the dynamics at play here are...

Thanks Wally. I probably won't get to talk at all as I still have a barrister tomorrow. After tomorrow i might be on my own, I've discussed this with sol and barrister and they understand. I hope I can keep consulting them if/as&when needed.

Thanks Cocoabutton. I'm surprised that he's now left paper trail that he's going against guardian's very specific advice by continuing to discuss this with DS. Obviously he's also told DS that the report says XYZ as per DS's response having been in reaction to it, if such a response even took place...

This litigation is starting to look so blatantly like post-relationship abuse... it's infuriating and I can't wait for it to be over, however I very much hope that the guardian gets to do the 3 months more work with us as per her request in the report. I think it's very important, even tho my sol still keeps hoping this would resolve amicably all of a sudden, but I just can't see how it would be possible and to be honest even if XH now agreed all of a sudden, I couldn't, anymore, because I am worried about the repercussions of his unchecked DV tendencies and his mental state (NPD /paranoid personality disorder symptoms...) and I think it's vital that this gets investigated.

Thanks so much to you all for the well wishes!

Good luck tomorrow

Thinking of you tomorrow!

I'm heartened exH is showing his true colours - in technicolour! As with my ex in the courtroom, in which he absolutely dug a hole for himself, your ex appears to be doing the same. Bring it on!

Hi all, thanks so much for your supportive messages. This thread has been a huge source of support for me.

So - at the court today. Another hearing was ordered to take place in a few weeks. Judge was frustrated that we hadn't managed to solve this between ourselves. I felt he was telling me off too, but I just don't know what else I could possibly do to - I had already suggested an arrangement where I only see DS about 40% on a standard week and that would work perfectly around XH's work etc but XH will not budge.

Guardian was again a refreshingly positive experience, she wanted to increase my contact with DS but XH didn't agree so back to court we go in a few weeks, also with details re mental health examinations and DV allegations.

Judge seemed not happy with my barrister bringing up that I wanted to bring up DV things, he said 'domestic abuse is a horrible thing but the parties aren't living together anymore' implying that he doesn't think the DV things are necessarily relevant at all to the case. I too used to hope they wouldn't be but I just don't see what I'm supposed to do except to roll over and accept I never see DS except one overnight a week... I'm at the end of my tether and also I have thanks to your support started to recognise that I should not cover up for XH anymore -- he is not a terrible person and certainly not a terrible father, but I do worry that his DV tendencies keep going unchecked if I don't raise my concerns properly...

I really do not want to destroy relations between DS and XH, not in the slightest. But I want it investigated what is going on here and how DS may be impacted by it, and also I believe (more clearly now than before, after support from you and the website links you've sent etc) that the source of this whole litigation is really solely XH's way of trying to keep inflicting his control (emotional and psychological abuse) onto me.

It seems the Judge only wants to know things that directly impact DS. I'm totally fine with this, not looking to 'take revenge' on XH or something, I just want us to be able to move on but he clearly doesn't so I think I might regret it if I didn't bring these things up at this stage of the proceedings...

I would love to hear your thoughts, as it's sometimes hard for me to make sense of all this that is happening... It hurt me when I felt the Judge was telling me off, as I've really tried to be reasonable. But XH won't accept any more contact between me and DS than the current arrangement. Perhaps the Judge wasn't telling me of for that but just frustrated with why we can't all act like adults and just agree -- this I very much would have wanted to do from the start but XH always declined mediation etc so I really am at a loss, also I don't want to demonise XH and I still feel a bit weird about bringing up things that officially count as domestic abuse...

Any comments much appreciated - you have all been a huge source of support for me in these difficult weeks

Also, as was to be expected, XH also wants to make his own allegations against me re DV. To say that I'm frightened of what he'll say is an understatement. He will undoubtedly use this opportunity as another platform to do whatever he can to upset me and I don't know what the implications or consequences of these upcoming allegations will be.

aah fuck re the judge.

hoping the guardian can see through your twatex.

I know, I am not getting why

Guardian is saying yes to more contact
DS has been saying yes (I think, away from his dad's control)
XH is saying no

But judge orders another hearing and more evidence? I guess the case worker asked for more time.

I think anything to do with DV needs to focus on DS - which is simply that he does not appear to be free to express an opinion and you have concerns about how you are being portrayed, xH is actively hampering contact. Honestly do speak to Women's Aid, they have children's workers who may be able to advise.

Sorry quick reply, on phone

This is horrendous - you're so articulate despite what a cunt he is too! for you firstly.

I'd say don't wait - get legal intervention now before the next hearing. How did the airline staff allow him to prevent a passenger boarding?! Be strong and persist - you know the truth so don't allow this to happen.

I have much more severe MH issues than you and DH has in arguments said I'd never get custody - my therapist has assured me most children will stay with the mother but there are cases like yours that frighten me into staying when I maybe should've left already.