I'm so sorry to start another thread about him, I really am but momentum is building and i need to keep this anger. Sod October, I'm going sober today. One less thing to hold over me.
I got far too drunk over the weekend to the point I begged him on Sunday morning to get up with dd because I was hellishly hungover and couldn't lift my head off the pillow. I do all the mornings but just felt rough on this occasion. Cue 'ffs temp, you know you drank xyz amount last night and it's the last day of my annual leave and your making me get up because you got pissed last night'. I spent the day apologising to him so onto last night I didn't have a leg to stand on. He told me he was popping out to our local to pick up something from a friend and would have a half and be back for dinner. 4 hours later he rolls in off his face, crashing about waking me but thankfully not dd. I pretended to be asleep even when he was being unpleasant to me and he soon fell asleep. This morning he's up and gives me a nasty smile saying 'oh did I forget to come back from the pub last night?' laughs and goes off to work. No apologies for staying out and missing dinner because he knows given my drinking (he's not one for going out on the piss every night) if I was annoyed at him he would have a good argument and come down like a ton of bricks on me.
So in a nut shell i feel like he has broken me down to a point where he is indeed King of the castle and never need apologise for anything whereas im constantly apologising. I'm always sexualy available to
Him and my experiment of saying no a few weeks back resulted in him being unbearably horrible and moody because of my 'denying him' and 'not putting out'. He knows he can tell me to shut the fuck up, call me a fucking idiot, push me (only on one occasion), and get me to apologise for anything without fear of retaliation by me. There is nothing in his mind that he does that is wrong and warrants an apology. I don't want to ask for him to say sorry because he so clearly isn't.
Dd hates him, HATES him. When he comes back from work or gets up on the morning she screams 'go work daddy,!back to bed Daddy' and of course this angers him so she gets more worked up. I don't know how She'll cope with staying with him when I get the courage to leave. I assume there'll be shared contact but she hates being with him without me there, though I'm told that's once I'm gone she's fine and she's just acting up to me. He's not violent to her at all but is strict, far stricter than me and she'll get even worse mixed discipline messages from us when we split.
I've exhausted all my resources. WA have nothing new to add, I've exhausted all of your good advice and sympathy no doubt and when I was given a golden opportunity by a friend saying 'are you safe, are you ok?' I changed the bloody subject!
Ahhhhh! This is all so fucked up and horrible!