AIBU? Finally feel like I have snapped with him. Over bloody Pizza.

[LucLuc]

Had a LONG day yesterday for various reasons. Husband NEVER cooks, washes up, irons, cleans ect. Anyway. I was run of my feet and last night gave our 2 children Pizza and salad for quickness, whilst I got on with chores ect. Gets to 9pm and I realise I am STARVING. Haven't eaten all day. So whilst he is supping his sodding beer in the conservatory, I ask if he is hungry, and would he like a Pizza? He say's he isn't hungry due to large work lunch. I then tell him I am going to eat an entire Pizza on the sofa, in front of TV as I'm starving and knackered. He tells me to knock myself out ect. Anyway, I ask him again if he is sure he doesn't want me to put one in for him to. For the second time he declines. I'm in the other room sorting PE kits, when he calls out my Pizza is ready and offers to take it out of the oven. I walk into the kitchen and he has 2 plates out and comments ''Don't mind if I eat half of this do you? It smells nice''......

So. This is when things went to shit. I tell him I haven't eaten all day, and was really looking forward to tucking in BUT as the oven is hot, I offered to throw one in for him, and told him it would only take 10 mins to cook. He then called me 'Selfish' and stormed upstairs after a lot of huffing and puffing, and he actually slammed a door and muttered 'Fuck You Then!'

He will be back from work in a couple of hours, and I want to talk to him about it. He seems very emotionally immature (been together 18yrs) and he's getting worse with age. I know the Pizza scenario sounds ridiculous, but his behaviour is often like that. Problem is, eldest heard the exchange last night and commented today 'Rather you than me Mum listening to that!' I guess my point is. I am fucking drained. As a couple we have dealt with infidelity, bereavement, redundancy, depression, illness ect.....I just feel exhausted. I have suggested couples counselling. He won't do it. I often feel like I am flogging a dead horse. Anyway. This is my first thread, so go easy. FYI. My thin crust pepperoni Pizza was sodding delicious.

LucLuc

re your comment:-

"Generally, he's a really nice guy. But he can be incredibly snappy/goading almost every day. Anyhow. I'll pour a G+T and slap a smile on my face for when he's in".

Your first and second sentence contradict each other. I also think your relationship bar needs urgent raising. He'll probably again shut you down if you try and talk to him about this matter.

Pouring a G & T and slapping a smile on your face is simply doing you a huge disservice - and not just to you either. Is this really what you want to teach your children about relationships?. Children generally are very perceptive, it is of no surprise to me that one of them chose to make such a comment to you re their dad. They notice it all and far more than both of you as their parents care to realise.

I also wonder what you yourself learnt about relationships when growing up; did your own parents behave similarly?.

AF may be harsh but she is right.

What do you get out of this relationship now, what needs of yours is he still meeting here?. He treats you as he thinks you deserve to be treated. You may be a massively happy person but he sure as hell is not making you happy and you have not been happy with him for a long time.

And if he will not go to counselling go on your own. BACP are good and do not charge the earth.

And if he will not go to counselling go on your own. BACP are good and do not charge the earth.

He sounds a tad self centred.

But I notice you say your children are teenagers.
They should be sorting out their own PE kit.
They could be making pizza and salad.

You need to start delegating.
Tell the kids they need to this or that.
And tell your husband too

OP you've lost perspective, that's what happens when you put faith in tirelessly supporting someone who's an entitled, abusive fuckwit masquerading as a 'really nice guy' (been there, got the T-shirt).

So he tells you he loves you 20 times a day? Talk is cheap. Love is a verb. A 'doing' word. What kindness and consideration does he show you? Bugger all. This man just drains you and expects you to serve him and absorb his shitty moods. I mean this kindly, OP, wake up and see what's happening here.

I suggest you disengage in this game of Being the Nice Wife and start pleasing yourself a bit more. Find yourself a good therapist and go to counselling alone to start thinking about whether and to what extent a relationship with this dickwad meets your needs.

Am so glad you ate that pizza.

Good on you.

No one can resist the smell of cooking pizza.

You could have shared the first one & in the time it took you toe at it, cooked a 2nd one for sharing.

If you just stick a smile on your face, expect more of the same OP.

AF isn't being harsh, she's just zoomed in and highlighted what a selfish prick he is.

This isn't about pizza, it's about a man who acts like a kid. He stropped of banging doors, because he didn't get his own way.

My father was a bit like this when I was a child. I felt full after a meal, and asked if I could save my dessert until the next day.

The next day after supper, I asked for my trifle. My father said, "Oh, I fancy trifle". My mother gave it to him, and I wasn't allowed to leave the table until he'd finished eating it.

Grumpyoldbag, don't you see this is about more than the pizza?? Op had asked her h if he wanted some and he said no. He could have put a ruddy pizza in if he had wanted one! You don't need to have a a vagina to put a pizza in the oven.

id do him his pizza then slap it against the wall

cheeky fucker

sorry he sound like an arsehole who coulnt give a shot about u an dnow your kid are tens they can see it too-what does that tell them

You don't have to have a vagina to put a pizza in the oven

Exactly. This is it exactly.

shit*

Why the fuck should the OP have cooked a second one? He could have cooked a second one himself.

Once again, MN never fails to surprise with the handmaidens falling over themselves to absolve shitty men of shitty behaviour.

Women, be grateful for crumbs!

Christ

You could have shared the first one & in the time it took you toe at it, cooked a 2nd one for sharing

Or, OP's DH could have got off his lazy well-fed arse and cooked one for himself. Y'know, since he's a grown up and all.

Or he could've got off his lazy well-fed arse and done the cooking for her.

Or he could've done his fair share of shit-work and then she might've felt like sharing.

I could go on- but in your shoes, OP, there is no bloody way I would've shared my pizza either.

The fact is, if this guy did his share of the shitwork it really wouldn't be an issue to slap another pizza in and kindly acknowledge he found he was peckish after all

But he is a piss taker....so no one in their right mind would accommodate him. Unless you think that men are superior to women, of course. There's a lot of that about.

I don't disagree with some of what you said anyfucker

I do think saying things like "titchy lady vent" is unkind and i don't think your last paragraph about the children was necessary.

People can come on here pissed off and vent. They don't have to agree with you and take your advice.

I don't want to derail and for what it's worth i've read a lot of your posts and thought "fuck yeah". I just don't think there was any need to hit OP with such harshness. Sometimes it can put people off posting.

Disclaimer: i am not even remotely perfect and may or may not be fucking harsh at times.

Could i say it better? Maybe? I don't know. I think counselling on your own is an excellent idea and i think you should tell him to fuck right off if he pulls the pizza stunt again. I doubt there's any point in trying to make him do his share around the house, it sounds like he couldn't give a fuck. If he did, he wouldn't be sitting supping beer while you're run ragged.

Yes. I think you are flogging a dead horse and if not for your own sake, for the sake of your children you should move on and be happy without him with piles of pizzas all to yourself.

I didn't say it better. Too many fucks.

I'd be furious. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the pizza after that, either - I can't eat if my stomach's knotted with anger.

OP, what time does your husband's job finish? It seems very convenient he comes in when everything's finished.

I think a few posters haven't realised you were being sarcastic, AnyFucker.

Fair enough. We said the same thing, clopy.

No one can resist the smell of cooking pizza

Tough shit. He'd had his chance twice and said no.

You could have shared the first one & in the time it took you toe at it, cooked a 2nd one for sharing

Fuck that. Half a pizza would be down my gullet in less than 3 minutes. And then you'd have to wait another 7 minutes by which point you wouldn't be ravenous enough the whole thing down your throat and the "whole pizza for me me me" thing would be ruined.

There's another thread on here where the woman mentions that the 'man' makes zero contribution to the family yet tells the OP he loves her 20 times a day. It's like somewhere they know they are inadequate and taking the absolute fecking piss and running their wife into an early grave and think 'if I tell her every 5 mins I love her they won't notice'. I remember my ExH doing that.

ExH. Ahhh, music to my ears that. Leaving that twat was they start of the rest of my LIFE. Which is 1,000000000's of times easier without him.

Manchildren eat a lot of food and create a lot of laundry and mess. Once you offload them life is so much easier!

I remember years ago when my ex was here and my children were at primary school. We didn't have a shower and our bath used to take half an hour to run.

The idea was he'd have a bath at night and I'd have one in the morning. We both left for work at the same time. So while he stayed in bed scratching himself I ran the bath, got the children ready - washed, fed, in school uniform etc and went into the bathroom to find he'd had the bath and drained it.

It's that complete and utter selfishness, that nobody matters but themselves, that is so upsetting.

I could go and chuck a brick through his window now, just thinking about it. And if there was a note on the brick saying, "That's for the bath!" he wouldn't know what I was on about - he'd forgotten it as soon as the plug was pulled out.

I did indeed detect sarcasm poverty

Which is why i said it was harsh. Sarcasm can be harsh.

Carrying on a disagreement is going to help the op, how ?

It sou s like ops husnad is stuck in the 1950s.
I'd strongly suggest decidoing if living I this situation is what ypou want for the next 5 years, 10 years, 20?
Ypou want this drudgery for the next 20years op? I doubt it.
Will he change? Doubtful, that leaves one solution.

Hills >>>>>>
Leg it!