Dating dilemma. Are these red flags?

[jaffacakesaremyfave]

Went on a date with a guy I've been chatting to for a while on Tinder and it went well.....too well that we ended up sleeping together-- even though I promised myself I wouldn't go there on a first date.

He was very complimentary on the date, kept telling me over and over how beautiful I am, I'm exactly the type of women he wants a relationship with to the point where it made me abit uncomfortable.

After we DTD he stayed over and cuddled me until morning. He kept squeezing me and telling me how lucky he is to have met me. It was all abit over the top and I'm pretty sure this is a red flag although he was quite convincing that he was genuinely just wearing his heart on his sleeve.

We met up again last night (and DTD again) and again he went on and on, trying to get me to agree to be exclusive and come off tinder. He said he's already deleted the app before this conversation but he still appears on my message list (so hasn't deactivated his profile).

He again stayed the night and cuddled me, and again went over the top with the compliments. He also text me as soon as he left saying sorry to keep me up and text me later in the day.

The problem is, I can't decide whether he is a genuine guy who doesn't have a clue with women and really is smitten (he's 35 so not that likely) or whether this is some sort of well rehearsed game?

He text me when I was at work asking for a selfie or me in my uniform and never asked how my day was etc. He doesn't really ask me many questions about my life. He rushing things.

Brutal honest opinion needed, what do you think is his MO?

Alot of people delete the app icon from thir phone and think that's it. They have to go into settings and delete the account otherwise they are still showing to others as being on the site.
He shouldn't have been so aggressive with you.

There you go- your twat radar seems pretty fine tuned after all. Trust your gut, even if you can't quite enunciate why.

Pushing you to come off tinder after 2 dates is weird and controlling imo and that would have annoyed the fuck out of me. I've also had experience with dating a guy who was all about how amazing I was but I sat there one evening listening to him going on about himself, and realised he wasn't interested in me as a person, just as a woman he wanted to have sex with and go on dates with. I could have been anyone. It's generic, as a pp said.

Sssooooo, the real reason he wanted you to come off Tindr was so you wouldn't spot he's still in it.

Well dodged.

Sorry to hear that. I am delighted Tinder didn't exist when I was first dating.

He said he wasn't swearing at me, he was swearing at the app

'I actually didn't swear at you. I said 'fucking app'. Massive difference. And it's not a lame excuse.'

Still though, not a great response. He said he deleted the app but not the account.

Well dodged Jaffa!! Sorry he was such a total knob. Your gut instinct was spot on. Always trust it - many of us here haven't and it's been a nightmare. Gut instinct all the way. Get back out there and find someone worthy of you

I'd be quite concerned about that previous relationship. 6 years and three kids? Wonder if he likes his women to be either dependent on him or vulnerable in some way?

Is guess that he did delete the app and didn't think to hide his profile before he did it. But that doesn't make up for speaking to you so rudely nor the coercion to get off tinder in the first place

I might get a bollocking for this but I fell soft tonight and decided to give him one more chance as he wanted to rearrange for tonight. Had a child free night and fancied some company.

He said he couldn't afford to go out anywhere and that his sister was borrowing his car and couldn't afford a taxi as he is on statutory sick pay (I know this is true as he nearly cut his hand off with a saw which is in a massive cast and he does a physical job).

So I agreed to pick him up to spend the evening at mine.

He then asked if he could borrow £10 until Monday as he needed something from the shop . What the actual fuck!!!. We've met up twice and he's already asking to borrow a tenner!!! When I asked why he said it was to buy me flowers .

So basically he wanted me to buy myself flowers.

Any feelings I had for him went there and then (although I do feel desperately sorry for this guy now).

I seriously give up on dating!!

Naahh, but do give up on dating him!

Listen, we all have a wobble from time to time. But will this ^^ finally convince you?!? Please let this convince you.

He sounds just like the guy I mentioned up thread! He also borrowed money from me to buy me dinner

I'm convinced preemptive, very convinced!!

He sounds like such an idiot Memphis.

What I don't get is how he actually thought he would get a positive response by asking me that?

Flowers are only nice when they are a surprise, not a quick dash into the local garage which your date has driven you too.....and given you the money.

How this man managed to convince someone to stick around long enough to have children with him I'll never know!!!

That the thing isn't it
It's like he has an instruction manual 'how to be a boyfriend' - compliment her, tell her you see a future together, buy her flowers...there is no consideration of you as an individual. You're a woman - of course you want flowers! Why would you object to lending him the money if he buys you flowers?

I would bet cash money that the flowers he'd have got you with that tenner would have been a fiver at most.

And another thing. Somebody at 35 who is so hard up and bad at budgeting that he has to ask a barely-acquaintance for a loan of £10?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not in a brilliant financial place myself. And I know plenty of people who are on the bones of their asses and am not judgey-pants about them - shit happens and sometimes you can't help it.

But that he thinks it's ok to ask you (and I think he already knows he's at least on the Naughty Step, if not completely sacked off?). Either he's completely stupid or thinks you are.

Why on earth do you feel sorry for him? I can't see any redeeming features whatsoever.

If I had to ask for a tenner from someone I met twice I would be mortified. I would rather busk in the street for the money. Where is his shame?

Don't believe the flowers story anyway.

I'm not judgy about money either Preemtive and not great financially as I'm a single parent and work full time but still can't make ends meet.

I was fine about him not having enough money to take me out but asking to borrow money is a whole different ball game.

I woke up to a message in Facebook saying 'I can't help thinking we're throwing something special away here'

Does he actually think I'm that much of a mug.

Well at least you gave him the benefit of doubt. So you're radar is fine, you'll learning, like many of us.

(I had wanted him to be one of the good)

guys..

Me too Dorinda,

I'm starting to think there aren't any left.....well at least I can't seem to meet any.

Exactly yayme, I can't think of any circumstances where I would borrow money off a stranger.

I actually said to him 'what could you possibly want to buy that's worth more than your pride'

This whole week has just been nuts!!

'I can't help thinking we're throwing something special away here'

Text back "Whaddya mean 'we'? I'm throwing you away, and you ain't so special."

Actually don't. Ignore and disengage. But if you want to repost more of his comedy gold on here, we wouldn't dream of standing in your way.

I actually said to him 'what could you possibly want to buy that's worth more than your pride'

I just caught this cross-posted! Perfect. Just perfect.