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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fiancé didn't come home last night

577 replies

Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 21:45

My finance went it last night, I dropped him at the pub and 2am he text me saying he was at his mates house and he'll be home soon! He is still not home (it's nearly 10pm) now next night and I'm worried sick. His mum said she saw him with 3 lads at 11.30am and he ran past her house so she thinks he is probably asleep at a mates house sleeping off a hangover. I can't help but worry myself sick and think the worst

OP posts:
Original poster
Jemima1985 · 12/09/2016 06:14

everything he needs for work is in the car tools etc and the keys are in the house. His phone still goes the answer machine. I've got a meeting at 9 at work myself and I'm thinking how can I even go to work myself in this state

OP posts:
Veterinari · 12/09/2016 06:15

Hand to hold but realistically you need to report him as a missing person and check hospitals

Penfold007 · 12/09/2016 06:16

OP you have given a lot more information regarding his state of mind, time to report him missing.

Veterinari · 12/09/2016 06:17

Your brain will be turning over but go to work if you can. Or if you can ask for emergency leave then do that.
But do report him missing. He is.

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 12/09/2016 06:17

I know your right, bugs me that his mum wouldn't want to report him missing yet

OP posts:
troubleatmill2011 · 12/09/2016 06:17

Just catching up on your post. I know it's hard but I've been in your shoes. He is showing no respect for you, if he was dead you'd know by know I'm pretty sure as harsh as that sounds as next of kin would have been told (mum). Get ready for work - don't let him ruin your job as well as your emotional health. I did and 20 years later it's my biggest regret!

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 12/09/2016 06:17

Terrified

OP posts:
millymollymomoooo · 12/09/2016 06:19

You poor thing. I know exactly how you feel, my ex did exactly the same to me. It's the most horrible feeling, I thought I was going to implode.

Try keep busy, I know it's near impossible to do that - you're probably Going stir crazy with worry.

But you need to do some serious thinking about staying with this man-child.
Imagine you have children? I promise you this is not going to get better, no matter how remorseful he is.
My story is spot on to yours, my ex also had some childhood trauma, and I also created excuses for his behaviour. Until I stepped away and saw how manipulative and cruel and selfish his behaviour was, I stopped making excuses.

Be strong! Wine

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 12/09/2016 06:20

I can't help this worry and feeling so stressed that he might have done something silly to himself. I don't think I can function properly at work. If I'm home I will know as soon as he tries to get in

OP posts:
Original poster
Jemima1985 · 12/09/2016 06:22

I definitely know he's in the wrong and shouldn't treat me this way. I haven't got to anger as I'm just so worried that hes dead somewhere

OP posts:
millymollymomoooo · 12/09/2016 06:24

You need to call all local hospitals and now report him missing.

I know how you feel, maybe call in sick? I don't know how well it will go down if you go in being so anxious.

troubleatmill2011 · 12/09/2016 06:27

As others have said, report him missing - he is, so why wouldn't you if your worried?

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 12/09/2016 06:30

I was sick with tonsillitis the week before last so feel bad but I'm such a state. Not sure he had ID on him because I have his driving license. It feels too long now to just be him being an arsehole

OP posts:
CatThiefKeith · 12/09/2016 06:33

Phone the police and report him missing op

LokisUnderpants · 12/09/2016 06:34

Could he be deliberately sabotaging the relationship as he doesn't want to get married?

25 is still quite young and he might not have the emotional maturity to end things properly. Maybe this is the only way he knows how to make you dump him bar being unfaithful.

Hope he turns up safe OP.

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 12/09/2016 06:36

Going to! The lad I messaged on fb no reply, text his mum 3am no reply, text his employer uncle at 6 no reply, feeling so alone with all this and scared to report. I don't know wether to tell my Nan for support but then she will worry too

OP posts:
Original poster
Jemima1985 · 12/09/2016 06:37

Maybe but he told me I'm so ready to get married etc etc

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 12/09/2016 06:41

Well he's not ready to get married. This is ridiculous now, he's been missing for ages. You really don't want to reach mid 40's with a couple of kids realising it's time to divorce because his behaviour is still the same.

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 12/09/2016 06:42

His uncle has not heard from him who he works for! I have asked him to contact another work lad as the last text I got indicated he was with that lad! See if this brings any news

OP posts:
DorothyBastard · 12/09/2016 06:44

What is stopping you from phoning the police?

OnionKnight · 12/09/2016 06:44

I'd phone 101 at least.

Ditsy4 · 12/09/2016 06:46

If he lives full time with you there is no need to ask others just do it. Ring local station and report missing. They might want to come out and speak to you which would mean you would have another reason not to go to work ask them when you ring.
I hope everything turns out ok. I 've been there once. I was worried sick as DH was travelling from a flight then 300 miles and it was snowing. He waltzed in absolutely fine to find the police at the house giving me an update. He then had to explain himself to the officer first. Ha ha! He has never done it again. While I was pregnant and worried sick he was on a bended with work colleagues.men!

GeneralBobbit · 12/09/2016 06:46

If he left you for 8 weeks before why did you take him back?

Did he contact you in that 8 weeks or was he 'missing'?

Im asking if this is a bit of a pattern

Ditsy4 · 12/09/2016 06:47

Bender.

Vlier · 12/09/2016 06:49

Seriously OP. Report him missing. It doesn't matter what his mum wants to do, you are the one planning to marry him.

Although I hope you will come to your senses to end this. If you would like to have kids it would be better to find soneone who is grown up.

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