Term time holiday request by NRP

[Myusernameismyusername]

so as the title says, he wants it.
I am against it for so many reasons. But we have no legal agreement and I am not sure I can stop him. He wants me to sign the agreement form for a holiday I am not even going on.

I would be liable for half the fine if we got fined I think? As in, £60 each parent.

It's only a few days but still out of my kids schooling and it's against the rules.

I have never done it myself. I think if you are emergency services or ha e family abroad then I understand but all the millions of parents are in the same boat, why should he be different? The kids are not primary anymore and I think their education is very important. He's better off than me, Why should he be the one to get a 'cheap' holiday while I am stuck with school holidays only?

He then won't take off any time in the main holidays at all, leaving me with all the childcare as usual.

Argh

[Lweji]

In my experience, and I have a really shitty ex (who doesn't pay maintenance), the more you bend over backwards, the worst it is.

This is not about using the kids against him. It's about protecting them.

If you think going on the holiday is a good thing, then allow it (insisting it's a one off).

If you think it's a problem, then don't allow it.

Maintenance can be sought legally, or if it's that small, is it really worth the hassle of letting him walk over you and his children?

[iloveberries]

OP- again....

how many days does he want to take them for?

What year group are they?

[iloveberries]

As for people saying "stop contact"... It's women like that who give us ex wives a bad name!!

[Myusernameismyusername]

It is 3 days I think possibly 4. They aren't taking exams yet so the year isn't relevant. It's next summer

[Lweji]

So, are you OK with it or not?

[iloveberries]

I think you are being a bit OTT to be honest
And I'm not one for taking kids out of school

[iloveberries]

He should definitely pay the fine though

[Myusernameismyusername]

I'm not ok with it but don't want to start a horrible war.
It's a symptom of a bigger issue that he makes decisions such as to take them out of school when he makes no other day to day decisions or has any input into their 'real' lives during the week, or their future. The short period of time on a weekend that he has them involves no laundry or homework or responsibility for commitments like clubs, facilitating their friendships etc etc. All the normal parenting things yet because he has 'parental responsibility' he can do whatever he chooses.

It's just a holiday, for a few days. I have objected to the school but I wouldn't refuse to hand the children over. It's booked now anyway regardless of what I think of it.

I will ensure that he pays my fine if I get one I'm irritated that he can't just do what everyone else does and go on a holiday in the school holidays

[rookiemere]

Can you agree to sign it a) if he pays all the fines and b) if he also agrees to either take 2 weeks off during the summer school holidays or pays for childcare for a 2 week block.

[Myusernameismyusername]

I mean, he won't actually have checked the school website calendar to see whether they would miss anything. Because he's not that responsible

[Myusernameismyusername]

Good idea about the school holidays. I will even be ok with just a week, it doesn't have to be 2. They are pretty self sufficient as they get older but it's the total lack of initiative to even think 'it's 6 week summer hols, I should spend time with my children'.

I think the only reason he is taking them out is because he cannot really justify going on the holiday with his younger child without our children. Otherwise without the other child he wouldn't take them. The last few years he hasn't taken them abroad but been himself. Although the last holiday he went on he refused to tell me what time they were coming home and I got called unreasonable about that as well

[Myusernameismyusername]

I think why I am so cross is that I almost see it like an abuse of parental responsibility. One that you basically never use or invoke unless it's something you want for financial gain. He's never used his PR for anything other than to say he has it when he wants a cheap holiday.

[Everytimeref]

Unfortunately, you have to accept he has an equal right to make decisions regarding the taking the children out of school as you do. The children living with you more gives you additional right.
I would state that you don't agree and wont sign and that he has to deal with any consequences.

[Everytimeref]

• no additional rights.

[Lweji]

I almost see it like an abuse of parental responsibility.

It is an abuse, particularly when the other parent doesn't agree.
This is why I think you should take this seriously, or you'll be opening the door for further times when he decides, even to the detriment of the children.
I really would put my foot down on this and if he has already booked it without your permission, then it's his problem.
Or you don't think it's a big deal and let him know that he takes responsibility, but you don't actively prevent him from doing it as a one off and you don't think it harms the children at this time.
Whatever you decide, make him fully aware that you have a veto on this.

[Myusernameismyusername]

I know I have to really decide whether to take a stand.

A holiday is a nice gesture. But what would be nicer? School runs. Taking kids to appointments. Helping with homework. EVERY DAY

[rookiemere]

He's not going to turn into a responsible parent though - is he? It's more fun and easier just to take them on holiday and be a Disney Dad - wouldn't it be ironic if that's where he was off to?

I think as you've said yourself that it doesn't impact on the DCs education and they want to go, on this occasion authorise it with the caveats, but let him know that it's only because the DCs don't have any exams on and you won't be saying yes on any future occasions.

[Whatisit76]

Can schools still fine after that court case last year where the parent won? Would they take the risk of having to pay court costs?

Why don't you get much maintainance? Is he self employed?

[Ditsyprint40]

Whatisit - yes they definitely can