Term time holiday request by NRP

[Myusernameismyusername]

so as the title says, he wants it.
I am against it for so many reasons. But we have no legal agreement and I am not sure I can stop him. He wants me to sign the agreement form for a holiday I am not even going on.

I would be liable for half the fine if we got fined I think? As in, £60 each parent.

It's only a few days but still out of my kids schooling and it's against the rules.

I have never done it myself. I think if you are emergency services or ha e family abroad then I understand but all the millions of parents are in the same boat, why should he be different? The kids are not primary anymore and I think their education is very important. He's better off than me, Why should he be the one to get a 'cheap' holiday while I am stuck with school holidays only?

He then won't take off any time in the main holidays at all, leaving me with all the childcare as usual.

Argh

[Ditsyprint40]

Whatisit - yes they definitely can

[Whatisit76]

Can schools still fine after that court case last year where the parent won? Would they take the risk of having to pay court costs?

Why don't you get much maintainance? Is he self employed?

[rookiemere]

He's not going to turn into a responsible parent though - is he? It's more fun and easier just to take them on holiday and be a Disney Dad - wouldn't it be ironic if that's where he was off to?

I think as you've said yourself that it doesn't impact on the DCs education and they want to go, on this occasion authorise it with the caveats, but let him know that it's only because the DCs don't have any exams on and you won't be saying yes on any future occasions.

[Myusernameismyusername]

I know I have to really decide whether to take a stand.

A holiday is a nice gesture. But what would be nicer? School runs. Taking kids to appointments. Helping with homework. EVERY DAY

[Lweji]

I almost see it like an abuse of parental responsibility.

It is an abuse, particularly when the other parent doesn't agree.
This is why I think you should take this seriously, or you'll be opening the door for further times when he decides, even to the detriment of the children.
I really would put my foot down on this and if he has already booked it without your permission, then it's his problem.
Or you don't think it's a big deal and let him know that he takes responsibility, but you don't actively prevent him from doing it as a one off and you don't think it harms the children at this time.
Whatever you decide, make him fully aware that you have a veto on this.

[Everytimeref]

• no additional rights.

[Everytimeref]

Unfortunately, you have to accept he has an equal right to make decisions regarding the taking the children out of school as you do. The children living with you more gives you additional right.
I would state that you don't agree and wont sign and that he has to deal with any consequences.

[Myusernameismyusername]

I think why I am so cross is that I almost see it like an abuse of parental responsibility. One that you basically never use or invoke unless it's something you want for financial gain. He's never used his PR for anything other than to say he has it when he wants a cheap holiday.

[Myusernameismyusername]

Good idea about the school holidays. I will even be ok with just a week, it doesn't have to be 2. They are pretty self sufficient as they get older but it's the total lack of initiative to even think 'it's 6 week summer hols, I should spend time with my children'.

I think the only reason he is taking them out is because he cannot really justify going on the holiday with his younger child without our children. Otherwise without the other child he wouldn't take them. The last few years he hasn't taken them abroad but been himself. Although the last holiday he went on he refused to tell me what time they were coming home and I got called unreasonable about that as well

[Myusernameismyusername]

I mean, he won't actually have checked the school website calendar to see whether they would miss anything. Because he's not that responsible

[rookiemere]

Can you agree to sign it a) if he pays all the fines and b) if he also agrees to either take 2 weeks off during the summer school holidays or pays for childcare for a 2 week block.

[Myusernameismyusername]

I'm not ok with it but don't want to start a horrible war.
It's a symptom of a bigger issue that he makes decisions such as to take them out of school when he makes no other day to day decisions or has any input into their 'real' lives during the week, or their future. The short period of time on a weekend that he has them involves no laundry or homework or responsibility for commitments like clubs, facilitating their friendships etc etc. All the normal parenting things yet because he has 'parental responsibility' he can do whatever he chooses.

It's just a holiday, for a few days. I have objected to the school but I wouldn't refuse to hand the children over. It's booked now anyway regardless of what I think of it.

I will ensure that he pays my fine if I get one I'm irritated that he can't just do what everyone else does and go on a holiday in the school holidays

[iloveberries]

He should definitely pay the fine though

[iloveberries]

I think you are being a bit OTT to be honest
And I'm not one for taking kids out of school

[Lweji]

So, are you OK with it or not?

[Myusernameismyusername]

It is 3 days I think possibly 4. They aren't taking exams yet so the year isn't relevant. It's next summer

[iloveberries]

As for people saying "stop contact"... It's women like that who give us ex wives a bad name!!

[iloveberries]

OP- again....

how many days does he want to take them for?

What year group are they?

[Lweji]

In my experience, and I have a really shitty ex (who doesn't pay maintenance), the more you bend over backwards, the worst it is.

This is not about using the kids against him. It's about protecting them.

If you think going on the holiday is a good thing, then allow it (insisting it's a one off).

If you think it's a problem, then don't allow it.

Maintenance can be sought legally, or if it's that small, is it really worth the hassle of letting him walk over you and his children?

[Myusernameismyusername]

He will make all of our lives a nightmare if I stand my ground really, as he has made it clear I get the maintenance (paltry) for some kind of good behaviour on my part (no complaining). He also will bad mouth me to the children which would be horrible for them.

He's a crappy dad I some ways but they aren't at risk of danger or neglect of any kind and I always promised myself just because he's a giant knob that I won't use the kids against him or stop contact. They seem to want to go, but like me they know how to keep the peace. It's crap for them too.

He has regular weekend contact that was agreed between us years ago and the holidays are hit and miss. Some years nothing, some years one or even 2 small ones.

I don't want to start a war. I don't really know what I am looking for but part of me ends up wishing away their childhood so I don't have to have anything to do with him again

[Lweji]

No, taking children out of school for whatever time for a holiday should always be a joint decision. If one is against it, it's a veto. End of. Particularly if you are mostly responsible for everything relating to school.

What if you don't pack for them, and don't allow them to go with him, or tell him you expect the children to be returned at the end of the weekend to go to school?

Will he still take them without your consent?
What to do then? If there are no consequences for him, then he'll just take them and come and go as he pleases?
The consequence should be him having to arrange for regulated contact, preferably through a higher authority, or supervised as he couldn't be trusted with an informal arrangement. (i.e. initially no contact until he seeks to have it regulated, not at your expense)

[Myusernameismyusername]

I don't think it will clash with anything terrible at school like exams this year but certainly the next 4 years are a complete no. I really would be stamping my feet if it clashed with exams but he does tend to listen to me if I give a really really good solid reason like 'exams' but wouldn't listen if I just said I didn't like it because of general school. His attitude towards schooling and education is pretty appalling and I am doing all of that side of the parenting alone. I.e. None of the practical stuff.

I am civil to him at all times not just in front of the kids, even faux friendly but I can't stand him. He is a big man sized imature bully who has a tantrum if he doesn't get his way. I don't want to invoke a tantrum but I am tired of him not taking my opinion or feelings into account with anything that concerns HIS decisions with the kids. It's ok for me to do 90% of it the rest of the time, all the school runs, homework, parents eves etc.

So he washes his hands of virtually all responsibility to do with them and I am left with all the decisions except when he wants a holiday. lol

[iloveberries]

How many days does he want to take them out for?

When in term is it?

What year group are they in?

[sentia]

He's stressed because you're not doing as you're told over something he knew you'd object to that he didn't consult you on but just told you was happening?? Ha ha ha. Hopefully he doesn't run the rest of his professional and personal relationships like that. In my experience assuming people will robotically comply with your wishes is a quick route to alienating lots of them!

I agree with the PPs, keep it unemotional, email him and the school to say you disagree with it and why.

[Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016]

As long as he isn't expecting any cash from you or taking it out of maintenance money let him sort it with the school. Voice your opinions to the school but let him crack on.