Dry 15

[glad2016]

For all those sober, or would be sober, warriors. KOKO (keep on keeping on) lovely people :)

Thanks gotta yeah I had a read was interesting!

lou guess what I've found in fridge?...... Becks Blue! Whoo hoo!

Picked up a book for the 1st time in 4 years lastnight I got lost in that for a hour. Really took my mind off things.
Koko!

Alli find out what your triggers are and know them well. If your drinking is fatalistic then make a plan B if fate means plan A doesn't happen then a plan C then the bath. You need to be selfish have you got a partner or anyone that can help you with child care so you can focus on yourself?

What I have learnt is that my triggers are drama and events. Big argument = big drink, big event = drink. Even when posters were telling me to avoid events and coming up with perfectly doable solutions for me I continued to hurtle on because I knew it would give me permission to drink.

I had a couple of personal happy events last year which I did sober. I can not tell you how much better they were and the memory of them are without alcohol.

I thought I should give some background to my drinking. My drinking was social until I hit mid twenties. Was the usual heavy weekends, which escalated to daily drinking at university and all the hedonistic stuff which goes hand in hand. When everyone else got jobs and settled a little I continued to drink heavily and then drink alone.

I became quite a depressed drinker and endured dog- rough hangovers. I didn't function well and began taking long periods of sick. Fast forward a few years and I had my first fit on the way back from an all inclusive holiday, which took me to hospital. From there I was referred to an addiction unit where I was to complete an alcohol diary. Still firmly in denial, I minimised my drinking, which resulted in the therapist reassuring me
I didn't have a problem. The fact I was lying about my consumption to the therapist and to myself was lost on me. Within two years, at the age of 27, I was drinking 24 hours a day, hallucinating and hiding bottles. I had constant aching kidneys, I was bloated, bruised and very miserable.

My family and friends arranged an intervention and I knew it was the end of the road for me. I will never forget looking in the mirror one morning, shivering and shaking, and wondering what I had become. I was just a shell.

I did a home detox and went to my first AA meeting and I have not had a drink since. After a few months of night sweats and aches and pains, I began to feel a new person. I married and had two DCs. Life is life and is never a bed of roses but I never want to go back to the hell that was drinking. For me, a life without alcohol is more than I could ever have imagined. I was a frightened child when I was drinking, refusing to take responsibility for my actions and a pit of self pity. There was always a reason to drink. That's not to say it was easy as in the early days I couldn't imagine one hour without a drink, let alone a day or a week. But slowly, slowly things improved.

That's a v brief summary of my experience, I hope it can offer someone who is struggling some hope.

291 days!!

I actually can't believe it myself..

There has been tough times but it does get easier - so much is down to habit. Break the habit and the chain breaks. There are always triggers - but as time goes on the time your not thinking about getting pissed gets longer and longer

matron I agree giving up when in your 20's is amazing - I wish I had but yo can't change the past!

lou matron alcohol free beer totally saved me over the summer.. Funnily enough I'm going off it a bit.. But it was excellent for certain times. Try Erdinger blue - v good but v fizzy!

No others to help, I'm a single parent.

Plan for today's hanging around is a walk, possibly sit in the park as there's one next to DD's activity today (Southern hemisphere and warming up nicely!). Trainers are in the car waiting for me.

There are two big habits to break for me - the waiting around hour/hour and a half three times per week as DD does after school activities is one. The other is weekend afternoons, when I'm bored. I think the weekday waiting around will be easier to tackle (because that means about 2 hours of temptation time following a - usually - productive day so I feel fairly good), so that's my focus for now, to get into new habits.

Last night - had a glass of wine waiting, then got a bottle on the way home. Fell asleep quite early then woke up at about 2am - usually I would have drunk the 1/3 of the bottle that was left to get me back to sleep, but last night I poured it down the sink, read a couple of chapters then put a sleep/relaxation meditation on loop

misscookie congratulations! It's brilliant to know that you are at 291 days and feeling good. Don't forget to post in 9 days so we can cheer your big fat 300 😀

Alli I imagine it's very hard to get time to focus on yourself as a single parent. Have a think about seeing your GP for some advice. Everyone deserves and needs some support in life.

Are you aiming for an alcohol free future? If today is your day 1 get planning for this evening and think about what makes your dry Monday's successful. Good luck x

Mondays

Yes, would like an AF future... I am seeing a counsellor, but in the end it comes down to me of course.

I have a plan for weekdays now, so will focus on that for now. I do have some time for myself, but in little slots that actually make it difficult which I think is partly why having a glass of wine has become the default 'treat'. Then once I've had one I want to carry on. Once I'm home in the evening without alcohol it isn't too difficult (at the moment) to stay there, which is why Mondays are easier - I just pick up DD and go home, no hanging around.

It's been a really difficult/horrible couple of years at work and with family stuff. But I think the worst is over - trial period in the job coming to an end and they've said they want me to stay on, family problems largely sorted. Even DD is in a more settled phase! (I adopted her 4 years ago when she was 5, and she has low-level SN which has been a battle getting school to recognise. If only my parenting was stricter then magically her executive functioning, communication difficulties, etc etc would disappear. Plus all her emotional fallout. Lots calmer now! ).

So although the anxiety kicks in over small things (end of probation review next week, even though they've said they want me to stay / seeing DD's teacher for a review), it's fairly manageable with some rational thinking and relaxation apps.

I do need to find things I enjoy doing for the weekends though. Have an aunt I'm quite close to, but not really any friends (plenty of people I'm friendly with, but not friends IYSWIM).

Shattered tonight and so much still to do. I'm keeping my wine glass hand busy with a Becks Blue.

Hello all, delurking partly to keep my place and partly to say well done all.

Haven't posted much but read nearly every day, still here, staying sober. So glad to be in control - looking forward to my third sober holiday.

Well done all

People that have been dry for a long period has it improved your marriage/partnership or ended it?

I am so intolerant of my DH when not drinking. I wondered whether this is a stage everyone goes through or something more permenant?

matron I am more annoyed by my DH than usual... his loud throat clearing and noise when he goes to bed late. We don't talk as much in the evenings now. He hasn't expressed an opinion about my sobriety and I think it highlights his own drinking so he has cut down a bit.
Still sober here, 8 weeks tomorr ow. It's getting easier- I have other strategies for stress relief now and am finding my performance at work has improved. Swimming 3 x a week keeps me busy and helps me sleep. Keep going everyone x

gotta I nearly throttled mine for eating crisps last night!

Matron, our relationship hasn't really changed but I think my husband prefers me not to drink at home every evening. He is also a drinker but I think he feels I encourage him to drink more if I am constantly drinking and he would rather just have a drink out than be drinking at home. Although I am definitely not overly drunk and boozy when I do partake of an evening, I think he finds it easier not to drink generally and feels its not a positive influence in our childrens lives to constantly have booze around the house.

The one thing I find really surprising is that my 13 year old hasn't really said a word about us not drinking. The younger one I wouldn't expect to as much, but my husband has worried in the past about always having a glass of something on the go with the children about of an evening, particularly as they are getting older and heading into teenagedom. I was also concerned about the message it was sending them and worried that I have always smelt of time giving them bedtime kisses but nope nothing at all has been said, although I did try to be mindful and keep it more for later in the evening.

For me the biggest improvement is my memory, I was starting to forget things the next day and I know my husband was starting to get really exasperated and in fact this is one of the reasons I finally said enough was enough. Although I wasn't overly drunk the night before I was starting to forget things we had discussed, ends of programmes etc and he would look a bit bemused the next day as couldn't really understand why, my eldest child had started saying "but I told you last night" and it was starting to really worry me and get on my nerves that I couldn't remember! I had never had memory loss through booze when I was younger.

A good friend who is also giving up has a DH that doesn't really drink and I think he finds life a lot easier when she is not drinking and that has made for a much more positive affect on their relationship, even though they had a "good" relationship anyway.

lou so all in all a very positive experience for you

Last year I cut ties with friends that use alcohol as a gateway to distruction. This has been a very good thing and I do not miss it at all. I also curbed the constant open house drinking in my home and I do not miss that either!

Since I have done that much of my dramas have gone. I'm left with a more settled life but with a nagging over consumption (half a bottle of wine a night and more at an event or party).

History tells me I am able to give up completely for periods of time but I can't get into the swing of moderation without enforcing it and stressing over it, which is pointless.

I'm still cross at not being a take it or leave it type.

Yes me too - very cross at not being a take it or leave it type.

jojo how are you doing? Are you quietly getting on with it?

Sober treat tonight = fish and chips from the chippy. Delicious. lots of people queuing in the off licence next door. Not me! Really believe I can do this now ☺
one how are you?

Evening all, yes I'm just sobering on. Feeling a bit under the weather so drinking berocca tonight. Generally I feel glad and relieved to be back on track when I've had a slip and the attacks of frustration at not being able to drink 'normally' are getting fewer and further apart. Living sober feels normal now most of the time although I know I'm still vulnerable and have to keep up the things that work for me or I slip.

My relationship with DH is better without me drinking (he doesn't really drink at all) and the house is calmer. I'm a much more tolerant, less moody parent. I've also been able to put some effort into re-starting my career (been a stay at home parent for 9 years) and have been back to weightwatchers and lost half a stone so far.

Well done matron on the changes you mention - I remember how hard it was for you with lots of drinkers around all the time! How is it at work these days, there was a lot of drinking connections there too wasn't there?

jojo I admire your ability to take a tiny slip and stop there. My slips are week/months long denial. Marriage improved and 7lbs down at WW, what's not to like!

I've got some very attractive work events in Nov and Dec. I've been handling the regular lunch gigs. I am very privileged to be invited to some stunning venues. Daytime is easier for me. The 6pm slot is not easy at all. Ah well it's October I'm clinging on to a Blue with hope I'm able to manage the party season, but I guess we all have that hurdle at Christmas.