Dry 15

[glad2016]

For all those sober, or would be sober, warriors. KOKO (keep on keeping on) lovely people :)

Hey everyone happy Sunday.

finnish I finished Life after life last week - truly one of the best and probably most unusual books be read in a long time. I loved it. Started the Girl on the train last night and have to say though it's very well written it's quite an uncomfortable read so may have to read it in short bursts.

Discovered a new sober treat today... Green and blacks caramel and Anglesey sea salt chocolate - my word it is delicious

thanks all. Thank you pimp and finnish and choc and sorry to all those I worried.

I don't feel amazing or inspiring, I feel self pitying and tired and cried out. Very sorry for myself. I've really had the wind took out of my sails. But I also feel a bit more hopeful - I think things will be better now DH has said what is on his mind.

Pimp - I hope you're right about being more in control as every day passes. Most of me wanted to just get pissed - to forget about it all and feel better. And also, to demonstrate to DH how much he'd upset me, how it was all his fault, how him being mean to me was to blame for my drinking. And also to get him to stop talking and start looking after me and feeling sorry for me. It's a really horrible set of thought patterns - manipulative and childish and just pathetic. I hate that I went there again - it was a cold, hard shock and reminder of how my head used to be all the time. And that is who he's been living with for years. No wonder he's not as happy about me stopping for a few weeks as I have been.

How are you doing choc? Been thinking of you. We've had shite (no pun intended!) weekends, but we're sober so things could always be - and probably have been - worse.

Glad you liked it Yellow. I'd like to read girl on a train too - but have just started the Goldfinch - which I think I'll like but it will take me a while!

The magic extra time I thought I'd get with not drinking seems to be taken up with cleaning the house rather than reading or other self-improvement!

Yeah I'm ok. Had a massive row this morn lucky it was a nice day the children was in the garden, so I went out most of the afternoon with dc. When we got back we all went out for tea not spoken much he just gave a kiss and apologies says he don't want to drink again and feels anxious.
Bloody day ruined through drink on his behalf. Roll on Monday.

You're doing well choc. It sounds like he feels a bit shame faced. Do you know what triggered his drinking?

I've read Girl on a Train - a bit close to the bone and it got a bit far fetched in the end, for me, but it was certainly a page turner.

finnish I know what you mean about the housework. I think I've spent most of the weekend cooking, cleaning up after meals, buying food for meals, and doing laundry. Gives me an appreciation for DH's work when he did it single handed, but bloody hell it is never ending, isn't it? I think I'm going to try and get us all to lower standards a bit...

one I'm glad you're ok. You've had a tough weekend so be kind to yourself. Youre absolutely doing the right thing staying sober. It's impossible to speed up time to rack up more days sober- your OH can't expect this to happen! You're a strong person dealing with something really difficult.
choc what a horrible position to find yourself in! My OH was drinking last night and ahem. ... followed through when he did a day. I had to listen to the running commentary on what has happened then he went to have a shower (luckily I didn't have to help but it was still gross). Yuck.

I've had such a lovely weekend and haven't missed drinking at all. Really nice family time and got batch cooking done etc. Went swimming twice!

I don't know what to say here really except that I've been awake since the small hours. I'm off work as I feel so sick. DH is taking DD to school. I seem to drink, sleep, wake up hating myself, vow not to drink and then drink again. This has been going on for a long time but it's been worse recently. Phoning in sick to work is a utter fucking low. What do I do now? I'm stopping myself from being sick until DD has gone to school. I feel shivery. I feel like a terrible mother.

hi Margaret - reading between the lines - are you hungover rather than sick? Apologies if that's not what you're saying.

The people on this board have all found that once you make the decision not to drink, it does become easier (it's still tricky at times, but it's possible)

You can decide not to drink again, and then do it - you'll find you have more strength than you think.

take a week to focus on giving up - take the whole time reading sober blogs gathering your sober toolkit - download headspace etc - (whilst also not drinking)

You can do this

Yes I'm hungover. Sorry! I wasn't very clear. I feel awful. It's ridiculous. I will look at headspace now. Any other tips hugely appreciated at the moment.

Hi Margaret

you can do this. Part of the hangover is the anxiety, the self loathing, and the horrible dark feelings. I am not saying being sober is easy for me - it isn't always - but it is always much easier than being hungover. If you want, you never ever ever have to feel like this again. Promise.

Coke, two aspirin and a packet of salt and vinegar crisps. x

Thank you

I've managed mint tea, a toasted muffin and a bit of a lie down. I could honestly cry at how utterly fucking stupid this is. I should be at work. I don't drink because I have any problems, I really don't. Employed, respected, happy marriage, amazing kid. So why at about 5pm (and sometimes earlier) does wine seem to literally call to me? Why can't I have one drink? I could in the past. Now when the bottle opens, all bets are off. I've been shocked by how much I've put away recently. Why why why???

I was drunk reading my DD her bedtime story last night. That's fucking horrible

Hey Margaret - take this time to focus on you - you need to be selfish in your recovery. Thinking about what a bad mother you are will make you want to drink the pain away.

Do this for yourself - take more time for yourself...

Hello everyone.
I'm a long time lurker, but have now decided enough is enough and I'd like to join you all if that's ok?
Hello Margaret. We are in the same place.
I've managed to stop drinking during the week, but the weekends all follow the same pattern and I am tired of feeling like this.
I too cannot face work today. I am so low, lacking energy and focus.
I really want to win this battle - if only I could identify what is stopping me.

Hello to you all. You have no idea how inspirational you are.

finnish is right. I KNOW you feel like you don't deserve gentleness and treats and coddling as you get through this first couple of weeks. But you DO. It's more important, right now - more important than bedtime stories even. REST today, and take care of yourself.

(I was often pissed when reading bedtime stories too. There's nothing you can 'confess' on this thread that someone here won't have done too. You are not alone.)

Hey Finding. Well done for week day sobriety. I'm tired too (literally; I'm in bed!) I've had enough of the false promises alcohol offers me. Because the truth is shit and it's this feeling.

Had a bath and going to have a sleep now. My body and head need some rest.

Thank you for your lovely comments and advice. I don't feel so alone.

Feeling a bit more human after a sleep, orange squash and Rice Krispies with coconut milk! School run in a bit.

My new Fitbit arrived today which I smirked at earlier - the irony!! But now I'm seeing it as a bit of a new start to take better care of myself.

Many thanks to everyone on this board. I've read the whole thread now. It's not just me then... knowing I'm not alone in my issues helps enormously. This isn't going to be easy, but I don't want 24hours like that again. I deserve more, as do those around me.

I want to keep posting here if that's ok? I know I'll need this thread over the coming days and weeks

post loads. I still do. x

Welcome Margaret and Finding. Margaret the reason alcohol calls to you at 5pm is that it's addictive. It's not your fault. You can overcome this! Drinking is trivialized everywhere- TV, social media, people home about it and play it down as a big laugh- but I've realised it's poison. you can live without it... just focus on not drinking right now, and the best 10 minutes, and soon today will be tomorrow and you'll wake up sober- on to day 2. Can you change your normal routibe so at 5pm you're distracted and not tempted to drink? Go for a walk, play a game with the children, etc?

Margaret, finding you are NOT alone. No judgement here, unlike some other parts of MN, because we have all chosen to be here and know that judgement of addictive behaviour does very little to help the addict.

Margaret, finding you are NOT alone. No judgement here, unlike some other parts of MN, because we have all chosen to be here and know that judgement of addictive behaviour does very little to help the addict.

Margaret, finding you are NOT alone. No judgement here, unlike some other parts of MN, because we have all chosen to be here and know that judgement of addictive behaviour does very little to help the addict.

For now, I don't want to even think about wine. That will change in a few days. So, yes, distraction is key. I try to argue it out with myself. I know logicallly I can't drink just one glass. But I still give into it. It IS addictive and I think you forget that now with all the implicit links made between women and a glass of wine. I'm just going to list all the reasons why I hate it, just so I can remind myself in my weaker moments:
•poor performance/attendance to work
•crappy parenting - hungover, low activity, shitty mood
•sex is terrible when you're drunk!! 😳
•skin looks like shit
•can't reach goal weight
•I hate that voice that goes round my head at 4am telling me I'm weak, useless, undeserving of all the good things I my life. That voice can fuck right off.

Margaret and Finding welcome. Be kind to yourselves and take it 10 mins at a time ( or less!) if need be.
And sober treats! LOTS and LOTS of sober treats! Doesn't have to be expensive, but so often drinkers like us don't know/never learned how to self sooth except by drinking alcohol. Reprogram the brain away from the idea of alcohol to reward/sooth/numb and not drinking becomes much easier. Honestly, it really does. AND it makes you feel less horrible if you are being kind to yourself. And Headspace and Andrew Johnson apps are amazing - I now do meditation several times a day thanks to Andy at Headspace and it has helped quiet the internal chatter in my head SO much

Sorry about the multiple posts - kept getting an error message.

As you were.