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Original poster

Does anyone else do this (agree to sex as long as it's quick )

115 replies

whyohwhycantisleep · 04/09/2016 00:07

My dh is constantly nagging about sex. I do like sex etc but tbh he picks annoying times or when I really don't feel like it. I know he will be sad or grumpy if I repeatedly say no so I end up just saying something like " just be quick" or whatever Blush seriously I feel ridiculous saying it but does anyone else do that I just want it out of the way do I can go to sleep in peace of get up and get on with the day.

OP posts:
PovertyPain · 04/09/2016 01:10

This is such a sad thread. Sad

user1472370023 · 04/09/2016 01:11

Yes I used to a lot when I was in an abusive relationship. It wasn't worth the sulks and rages not no. I've been single for years now and would happily never have sex again.
I'm sorry you're in this situation, it isn't right and I hope you find a way through it.

Hidingtonothing · 04/09/2016 01:15

No, I doubt DH's self respect would survive having sex he wasn't 100% sure I wanted too. I do however remember 'letting' a previous partner get on with it when I didn't really want to, I'll never forget how it made me feel when he said afterwards 'you didn't really want to do that did you?' and I realised he had known and still carried on til he 'finished'. The relationship was in its death throes anyway but that really did spell the end for me.

SandyY2K · 04/09/2016 05:03

Yes. I've done so. Usually before work. A quickie.

SandyY2K · 04/09/2016 05:05

BTW it's not abusive in my case.

MrsMcBoatface · 04/09/2016 05:37

Yes...I have done this, exactly as you describe, asking him to be quick and get it over with. Not a good habit to get into, you're right to be questioning. I decided to stop doing it 'to keep the peace ' about a month ago (I'd been having counselling) and we haven't had sex since. I'm never in the mood. How often would it happen if your H let it happen naturally? His reaction might be quite telling.

GruffaloPants · 04/09/2016 05:46

Yes, but only if I am in the mood but tired/pressed for time. I wouldn't think much of my DP if he could get off knowing I wasn't into it.

ravenmum · 04/09/2016 05:53

So if you don't have sex, he rolls over and is angry - he withdraws his affection and won't cuddle or talk, to punish you for not doing what he wants? How does it make you feel?

Can you imagine saying this openly to your friends or is it something you'd hide or describe very carefully so as not to make it sound as bad?

purplehaze24 · 04/09/2016 06:02

Ah I understand your point as my husband does pick his times for nookie badly 😉 (2am usually) I am up for it but am also aware of the time so go for the quicky with lots of enthusiasm and tried and tested moves to ensure its quick but very enjoyable. He wins I win.

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 04/09/2016 06:03

I much prefer to DTD in the evening, my DH prefers the morning, regardless of what plans we have.
However, I'm an early riser and I'm usually out of bed by 6am. He won't surface until necessary and could easily sleep until 11am (we don't have kids and he works longer hours than I do in the week so I let him sleep).
That means that pretty much every weekend when I've left him to it, I'll get a text message on my phone from him or a yell from upstairs asking me to 'come back for cuddles'.
I don't think I've ever said 'just be quick' but I've definitely said no!
But even if I'm not 100% in the mood I usually am by the time I get upstairs to him, even if it is totally inconvenient timing for me.

PinkPearls20 · 04/09/2016 06:23

I have asked them twice!

PinkPearls20 · 04/09/2016 06:23

Wrong bloody thread...sorry

McBassyPants · 04/09/2016 06:43

So OP do you enjoy said quickies though?

BreatheDeep · 04/09/2016 06:43

No, never. If I don't want sex dh just says ok and everything carries on as normal. Just like if i initiate and he doesn't want it. No difference. Would you expect him to have a quickie with you if he wasn't in the mood? How would you react if he said no?

I have never really understood how women have quickies when not in the mood - doesn't it hurt?! Maybe tmi!

Quickies when both want it and have limited time - no problem! But i don't think that's what you mean is it op?

CoconutAndVanilla · 04/09/2016 06:44

Sex is a two way thing, you shouldn't be having it with him when you don't want to, there's no such thing as a quickie in my relationship!

user1471552005 · 04/09/2016 06:48

So you allow someone to do sex to you when you dont want them to?

Indiaplain · 04/09/2016 06:56

I do totally understand where you are coming from. My dh used to get a bit mopey when I said no. I had to explain that him being mopey or asking/nagging about sex was the ultimate turn off. He wants to have sex he needs to pay me attention/be affectionate and instigate it that way rather than just asking. I need a bit of warming up a d can't instantly be in the mood!

CheerfulYank · 04/09/2016 06:58

No. I've done sort of a "eh, all right then" when I'm ambivalent but I always 'get there' in that case and I always say no when I don't want to at all. And I'd have some rather angry words for DH if he pouted about it. He nags occasionally but gets the message when I tell him absolutely no and to fucking grow up.

Original poster
whyohwhycantisleep · 04/09/2016 07:34

I don't enjoy it it's just annoying I just try to ignore it but it rarely hurts.

If I didn't agree I think we would have sex probably I don't know 2 or 3 times a month which is how often we do it with both of us involved if that makes senseBlush

OP posts:
Original poster
whyohwhycantisleep · 04/09/2016 07:36

If I just point blank refused he would probably keep trying a while then give up and roll over in a huff. That's it - I have no IdEA why that upsets me so much . It's the same with other things though I would just give in to save upset!

OP posts:
TheSparrowhawk · 04/09/2016 07:40

Would you advise a daughter of yours to do the same thing - to give in to a nagging partner and allow him to use her body to prevent sulking?

BreatheDeep · 04/09/2016 07:46

We only have sex about 2 or 3 times a month. Doesn't help that he works shifts but personally I think sex should be about quality, not quantity. Not much point in having bad sex!

I think the thing to remember is - if it bothers you and you don't want to do it, you shouldn't be feeling like you have to. Maybe talk to him about it. Or just start saying no and see how it goes. Dh and I had a chat once sex frequency started to tail off as he was worried I was going off him. I wasn't and still fancy him just as much, just life changes and that's natural. He is fine with it. In fact I'm pregnant right now and he knows it always tails of when I'm pregnant as I'm tired or grumpy or uncomfortable. So he said to me that he wouldn't initiate it while I was pregnant and to just let him know when I want it! Works for us.

Easystreet52 · 04/09/2016 07:51

Seems there are a lot of mopey/huffing men around who behave like children if they don't get sex. What a turn off that would be!

SkydivingFerret · 04/09/2016 07:53

My ex used to do low level sulking. The very last time he had sex on me, he kept pestering (i had said I would have sex that night so obviously that meant he was going to hold me to it) so I gave in. I had tears rolling down my face (i had my back to him the whole time so maybe he didn't see) he made no effort whatsoever to make sure I would enjoy it, no foreplay or anything. I just wonder what sort of selfish fucked up man could have carried on in those circumstances. I had a lot of sex I would rather have gone without in that relationship...I will never do that to myself again. You deserve better op

DownWithThisSortaThing · 04/09/2016 07:55

No I've never done it. If he tries to initiate it and I'm not in the mood I just tell him I don't feel like it and he leaves it. No huffing or sulking
It's really not ok that he makes you feel like shit because you don't want to have sex. And he would rather you just give in and lay back and let him crack on with it.
Tell him to please himself (literally)