Husband ended our marriage after taking me away for a great romantic weekend

[Endofsummer]

We have gone to counselling this year (just finished), which aired a few problems, mainly around my husband being very evasive about our marriage.

He's happy to trot along and we are affectionate and happy most of the time.

However, any time a big problem strikes, with the children (we have step children and our own) or with us, he just backs off and says that 'he does not think he can give me what I need'. A few months later he usually admits that I had a point, the problem is sorted, but I am left to feel insecure around that time. He also doesn't take me out very much, so I end up socially on my own with friends more than is probably healthy.

Anway, in counseling a lot of this got aired, he made me feel much more secure by saying how much he really did want our marriage to work, and wanted me. The counselor suggested that he go for individual counseling to sort out his issues with being distance and backing off from problems (he had an alcoholic father). We both agreed to spend more time with each other.

So he is just going to start individual counseling. We've sorted loads out. We have been on a much more positive track for the past few months. We spend loads more time socializing together. The kids are happy. And we have a fantastic romantic weekend away where we got on amazingly.

And then yesterday he said he 'wanted to talk', and said that we should end it as 'he was never going to be able to give me what I need'...

Devastated. And also pretty angry. I kind of feel like I have been led up the garden path but can't put my finger on why I feel like this. I'll be left with our 3 year old too.

Thanks again posters. I have been through the mill and I really don't want to keep coming back to this place again.

We had a chat and I said I'm still taking a giant step back. He is supposedly still going to counseling. I think he absolutely has to as he doesn't seem to get how damaging it is.

I'm losing my good will in this marriage. I've scheduled a series of weekends away with friends / family where he solely looks after our special needs child over the coming months so I can get a bit of perspective. I hope I don't just slip back into a relationship with him until I get my head straight.

Good OP, you must have time away to get perspective.

We all have a limit, a point when enough is enough.

Take care

Good plan, summer. Enjoy your weekends

That sounds like a good plan x

Thanks. I just hope I don't let this hot and cold stuff keep happening. Very wary of just letting him back into my life as it was before.

I would ring social services and see what help they give as you think your husband is going leave . Got dr some reason.
You need to start documenting how hard it is to care for sen child . Talk to your other kids teacher tell them that your husband is leaving coming back again .
Start getting help in your own right as .

I am saying this so if you do get divorce it all there is black and white how tough life is you.

You're doing great Endof'. I can tell that you are reluctantly 'toughening up'.

Obviously you shouldn't have to. Obviously you should be assured of back up - someone who is reliable, trustworthy and dedicated to you. It is awful to be put in the position where you cannot credit what your other half is telling you, you can't trust them not to let you down. This is the opposite of what they have promised you and it just messes with your head.

You have to - as you are doing - forge ahead on your own. You can only rely on yourself. You can trust your plans. And yourself. And your dc can absolutely trust YOU. Hold onto that and treat any promises he makes with a shrug - he might deliver, he might not - no point in believing him, it only makes life worse when he lets you down. If this turns you into a 'harder' person, then so be it. You are still you, you are responding to the circumstances in which you find yourself and you are being strong for your child. Well done you.