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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has just joined twitter without telling me

111 replies

StrawberrytallCake · 02/09/2016 18:20

I'm a bit worried as my dh has just joined twitter, as stated - made his profile private and not joined up to me...all whilst he was supposed to be looking after our two children. Just before he made it private (he didn't realise this would happen I suspect) I had a notification that he has joined and saw who he started following within which were two relatively famous attractive sports women. He has been working late the last few nights - I know not having an affair because I know the people he was with, but if he had nothing to hide he would surely tell me?

I've got a really horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, should I catfish or just wait and see if he tells me? Was looking forward to a nice night together tonight and now my heart is racing. Am I being over the top?

OP posts:
Caipora · 02/09/2016 21:07

To be fair OP, if I joined Twitter I wouldn't connect with my DH either. I get to hear his opinions whether I want to or not, last thing I want to do is read them online as well. Confused

manhowdy · 02/09/2016 21:11

Caipora Grin

Claramarion · 02/09/2016 21:13

If you are feeling insecure there's
A reason and I'm not saying he's up to anything but he's clearly not giving you attention you deserve.

Tell him how you are feeling and that it has made you feel this way x

Rachcakes · 02/09/2016 21:14

Shit. I built a website for my freelance business while my DCs had a friend over yesterday. I'm a terrible parent!
Seriously OP, I wouldn't worry about Twitter. Just start following him on there, if you are that interested.

BettyCrystal · 02/09/2016 21:16

Caipora's right. If you see enough of each other at home, then you don't need to know what he does in his own time / relaxing.
I haven't a clue what mine does on his phone / online / when he's out. And he doesn't ask what I'm up to either. Seems fair!

lakefaith · 02/09/2016 21:20

Stalk him, catfish his sorry arse. He should of told you. Don't let him no you no and check everything he does. Then if he is up to no good you will find out. Don't let him no your on to him it will blow all your effects. If you need any good tips on stalking let me no I'm the queen of stalking. I so should be on catfish. I hope he isn't cheating but either way you need to no.

jellymum1704 · 02/09/2016 21:20

Is this is a joke thread?

AnyFucker · 02/09/2016 22:10

I think the op is genuine but some of the replies are fucking batshit

smilingeyes11 · 02/09/2016 22:24

Maybe you have a habit of choosing men who are no good to you - what does this mean

dh was not exactly wonderful when we met

If you have been in abusive/damaging relationships in the past it would not be much of a leap for you to choose another similar man this time round. What work have you done to address these issues, counselling, Freedom Programme?

Clarabelle40 · 02/09/2016 22:34

I have only just joined the 21st century and therefore Twitter. I didn't feel the need to tell my partner. I am following some attractive actors/men in the public eye. I am not trying to start affairs with them. My partner is also on Twitter and I'm sure he also follows lots of very attractive famous women. I couldn't give a fig. I have no desire to follow him; we spend all our spare time in real life together! We are 'friends' on Facebook but only because it would be slightly odd if we weren't because it's so public. It was his birthday the other week, but I didn't wish him happy birthday on Facebook because I was right there with him! I understand insecurity, but you have to trust unless someone gives you a real reason not to, otherwise you will drive yourself crazy!

smilingeyes11 · 02/09/2016 22:36

this is not about Twitter - this is about OP's own insecurities and lack of self esteem.

Clarabelle40 · 02/09/2016 22:39

Plus, if you can't actually have a conversation with him about this, then the problem is with the relationship and not Twitter. It sounds as though there are other far more important issues in the relationship that you need to address?

lougle · 02/09/2016 22:49

I thought being less interested in sex was on if the flags people refer to...not more. Confused

lulucappuccino · 02/09/2016 22:51

lakefaith, that is one weird post you got there.

Clarabelle40 · 02/09/2016 22:54

Yes lakefaith, are you 13?

Original poster
StrawberrytallCake · 02/09/2016 23:06

Almost posted in AIBU....so glad I didn't!

My initial post was rushed and emotional, it's how I felt at the time knowing it wasn't typical of our relationship, although I should have explained the other issues. I've spoken to him about everything. Thanks for all input!

And yes, it was 'for real'.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/09/2016 23:14

Good luck, strawberry. I hope he could reassure you and ultimately he is worth your wobbles.

You need to sort out the other stuff, for sure

NoMudNoLotus · 02/09/2016 23:19

Some of these replies are shameful Angry

I don't think it really matters what other people do or don't do re Twitter in their house - for OP she is not "paranoid" as somebody suggested but anxious - and his behaviour in the context of their relationship not anybody else's has caused concern.

This site is to support people - not drag them down.

OP if people read between the lines has clearly had some past trauma in relationships & is deserving of compassion - not a witch hunt.

OP it is late my lovely - get some sleep & see how you feel tomorrow. If your still feeling anxious - talk to him about what your fears are and see what reaction you get as a first port of call.

lulucappuccino · 02/09/2016 23:26

How on earth can you possibly tell she's not paranoid?

NoMudNoLotus · 02/09/2016 23:40

Because I know the clinical definition of paranoid lulu .

She is not paranoid - anxious yes, insecure yes, mistrusting yes.

Paranoid no.

NoMudNoLotus · 02/09/2016 23:44

But if you feel able to judge OP to be "paranoid" lulu then I am humble in your presence & forever bow to your more extensive knowledge of the psychological workings of the mind.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2016 23:48

The true clinical definition of "paranoid" is a very specific and precise term

Don't use it ignorantly

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 02/09/2016 23:52

Lakefaith your post makes you sound completely bonkers.

SanityAssassin · 02/09/2016 23:59

I joined Twitter years ago - never felt the need to tell DH (doubt he'd be interested anyway)

gingercat02 · 03/09/2016 09:22

I have a twitter account and I don't follow anyone I actually know. School, some celebs, some politicians, local stuff, foodie stuff. Not DH or friends or anyone in RL at all. I think you are overreacting but your history may make that more understandable

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