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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The love of my life gets married at 3pm today....the only problem is it's not to me!

135 replies

2anddone · 27/08/2016 13:30

Hi just that really the love of my life, the one that got away gets married at 3pm today and I am really sad about it!
We were together 21 years ago, I was his first time. We were totally in love and completely inseparable for 8 months when I had to go away to do my year out which had been planned before we got together. I didn't want to go and if I hadn't been 18 and scared I would have refused but I didn't even think that was an option at the time!
Probably totally outing myself but don't really care. My parents split us up during my year abroad and threatened to get injunctions out to keep us apart if he contacted me. We split up and I returned home at the end of my year.
I met the person who is now xh and we got together a couple of years after that I bumped into my xbf and we had an affair this lasted nearly 2 years and came to a natural end, we remained friends but have this instinct to be near each other.
5 years after this we got together again for another 3 years and this also came to an end when he met someone. Me and xh separated 3 years ago and deep down I always expected to get back with the person I have always loved.
Today he gets married and I live so close to the church I will hear the bells and know that it has finally finished.
I love him so much, I know I need to get a grip I have loved him for over 20 years though and today I am feeling really sad Sad

OP posts:
yestheyhavethesamedad · 27/08/2016 15:53

did you write about this about a year ago , as there was a thread the same then?

CotswoldStrife · 27/08/2016 16:02

I thought of the other thread too, Yes.

I did wonder why the OP didn't leave her husband for him but that would ruin the drama and described it as a string of affairs. It's always someone else's fault, nothing to do with the fact that they just can't make a go of it.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/08/2016 16:05

he is not the love of your life or you would be together by now. you are just pinning because he is marrying someone else and you are currently single, if you got it on again it would only be temporary.

I suspect the pair of you will get it on again, probably while he is married, but doubt you will ever be long term, your relationship only thrives as a pit stop not a serious commitment.

Do yourself a favour and move on.

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 27/08/2016 16:14

Karma perhaps.

thenightsky · 27/08/2016 16:31

I hope OP hasn't gone around to the church. It's way past 3pm now and she hasn't been back Sad

PurpleDaisies · 27/08/2016 16:32

She had a BBQ planned for 330pm.

I am braced for a dramatic update though...

OurBlanche · 27/08/2016 16:45

Shit! Do you think she took the song lyrics literally? Grin

diddl · 27/08/2016 16:48

Anyone else think that Op might have gone to the church and "objected"?

Hopefully she ïs just busy with her BBQ.

For me it's hard to understand being so obsessed with someone.

spudlike1 · 27/08/2016 16:50

Hopefully she's gone off to find a life

SoleBizzz · 27/08/2016 16:55

Not easy to forget someone when you haven't found something or someone else to keep you busy or replace him.

Sparklingbrook · 27/08/2016 16:55
TheNaze73 · 27/08/2016 17:10

I don't get it either diddl Just how can someone be that obsessed? It defies logic

Arfarfanarf · 27/08/2016 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Squabblesallaround · 27/08/2016 17:15

Feel your pain op, love of my life is happily married to someone else. It hurts but it is what it is...nothing to be done about it Flowers for you, hope you manage to enjoy your BBQ

Purpletears · 27/08/2016 17:26

I think most people still love their first love. It is hard to accept sometimes but one of life's most difficult lessons is that you can love someone but not be meant to be with them. My guess is that most people have loved someone they cannot be with for whatever reason. But we all must put that aside, move on and find different love. Today will not have been easy but that is what you must do for yourself and your future happiness. A big hug and lots of strength to you.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 27/08/2016 17:37

I join those who think OP has gone to object to the marriage.

SleepingTiger · 27/08/2016 17:39

It hurts, but we you are to blame. He is not to blame for your pain. It is within you to stop it, because it is within you to move on.

Clearly you can love. So you can love again. There is someone out there waiting for what you have to give.

Trust me Wink

TheNaze73 · 27/08/2016 17:55

She wouldn't have gone? Surely?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/08/2016 18:11

What a lot of drama llamas! Shock

OP has people over for a barbecue. Do you even entertain the possibility that she's looking after her guests? Or do you really think she's rushed off to stop a ceremony/cause a scene?

If she wanted to put a spanner in the works, she could have done that this morning - or yesterday or anytime previously. She posted here that she was hurt and upset, you know, like posters do when they want to get something off their chests. I'm sure she'll come to terms with it all now that it's final.

raisedbyguineapigs · 27/08/2016 18:12

Nuggets being someones boyfriend doesnt force you to marry them. Once the OP was single, he could have told his girlfriend that the love of his life was now available, and sorry, he had to be with her. He didnt. He proposed to her and is now marrying her. And it seems that he left the Op for the woman he is now marrying anyway.

Offred · 27/08/2016 18:19

Agree with arf.

Offred · 27/08/2016 18:21

I wonder if there is something else going on too. Usually this back and forth but never working out type of relationship that leaves one person pretty obsessively stuck happens because the other person has been a manipulative narcissist in their behaviour.

Cabrinha · 27/08/2016 19:09

Another one that thinks that OP and this man will enjoy the next chapter of drama when it's him having the affair Hmm

OP - if you really think this man is the love of your life, then you need your head read. Properly - a therapist.

Nice work cheating on your husband with him for years Hmm

HJNTIY.
And you're romanticising.
It's all a bit pitiful really.

raisedbyguineapigs · 27/08/2016 20:16

I agree. I suspect the reason a real relationship hasn't worked out is that it hasn't been able to survive the tough/mundane/ordinary times. It is only the 'greatest love ever known' because the hard bits and the bits that require patience and compromise are done elsewhere.

Original poster
2anddone · 27/08/2016 20:25

Ok I am back and bbq is over.
No I didn't go to the church I would never do something like that.
Thank you for all the honest replies and for the general kick up the arse/reality check. I needed that today if I am honest, I needed to hear the truth rather than comments from people I already know telling me he is making a mistake and we are supposed to be together.
Yes it hurt like hell when those church bells rang, mainly because I know that it is now over and I now have to deal with that.
Thank you for being so honest

OP posts: