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Original poster

The love of my life gets married at 3pm today....the only problem is it's not to me!

135 replies

2anddone · 27/08/2016 13:30

Hi just that really the love of my life, the one that got away gets married at 3pm today and I am really sad about it!
We were together 21 years ago, I was his first time. We were totally in love and completely inseparable for 8 months when I had to go away to do my year out which had been planned before we got together. I didn't want to go and if I hadn't been 18 and scared I would have refused but I didn't even think that was an option at the time!
Probably totally outing myself but don't really care. My parents split us up during my year abroad and threatened to get injunctions out to keep us apart if he contacted me. We split up and I returned home at the end of my year.
I met the person who is now xh and we got together a couple of years after that I bumped into my xbf and we had an affair this lasted nearly 2 years and came to a natural end, we remained friends but have this instinct to be near each other.
5 years after this we got together again for another 3 years and this also came to an end when he met someone. Me and xh separated 3 years ago and deep down I always expected to get back with the person I have always loved.
Today he gets married and I live so close to the church I will hear the bells and know that it has finally finished.
I love him so much, I know I need to get a grip I have loved him for over 20 years though and today I am feeling really sad Sad

OP posts:
Blarblarblar · 27/08/2016 14:33

Do some people think they are living in a movie? Do not contact him, leave him alone, he doesn't sound like a nice person, he hasn't treated you kindly at all.
First loves are a pull I still occasionally see mine and I do feel odd reminds me of a time past and that in itself is sad, but I'm not crazy enough to think we would have anything meaningful now. He might have been a beautiful boy with all the softness and joy of the first flushes of love/lust but he's a grown man now and a pretty broken one at that (mine that is I couldn't speak got yours although......)

Moojay · 27/08/2016 14:33

Also, if you are always at the occasions etc why are you not invited to the wedding?

CotswoldStrife · 27/08/2016 14:34

Sorry OP, but it does sound as if this is all in your head. You are available, if he wanted to marry you he could - but he's not. You've had affairs but never a proper relationship together - that's not romantic.

You want a relationship with him, so you blame all the break-ups on your parents or other people - but it is down to him really and he sounds a bit of a user. Move on, why waste any more of you life on someone who isn't there for you. You seem to think you look like a pair of dramatic, romantic star-crossed lovers and that's not what others see at all, just a string of failed affairs (sorry, I know that sound harsh).

RepentAtLeisure · 27/08/2016 14:35

From your timeline it seems he left you for her. If you were the love of his life, he wouldn't be marrying someone else.

Have a cry if you need to, and then shut the book on you and him. It's not healthy to dwell, but also very understandable when he is getting married within earshot. Flowers

RitaConnors · 27/08/2016 14:38

Heartbreaking! They have had a fair few cracks of the whip I would say, and it hasn't worked.

He is not the love of your life because if he was, you would be together talking about where the loft ladder is and if you should change electricity providers. That's real life. Being kept apart by injunctions is not.

Don't dwell on him or think that he is 'the one' as its going to stop you from living your actual life. Enjoy your barbecue and being with your friends.

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 27/08/2016 14:42

*From your timeline it seems he left you for her. If you were the love of his life, he wouldn't be marrying someone else.

Have a cry if you need to, and then shut the book on you and him. It's not healthy to dwell, but also very understandable when he is getting married within earshot.* 

This ^

pictish · 27/08/2016 14:42

If it was meant to be it would have been. You had opportunies and it failed on every attempt.
Romanticising about him won't change the bald facts. He is not the one for you.

Have a good reminisce and a cry then put your reality hat on.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 27/08/2016 14:44

You have tried.
He dumped you, in your own words.

Move on.

EttaJ · 27/08/2016 14:47

Wow OP.

I hope he does love her and doesn't feel he has got in too deep to back out

Of course he bloody loves her. You flatter yourself far too much. How ridiculous of you to suggest that he's only marrying her because he is in too deep to back out.

He may be the love of your life but you're clearly not the love of his. Get some self respect and move on. He has.

emotionsecho · 27/08/2016 14:48

As another pp said you have not been invited to the Wedding so neither he nor his wife to be want you there, neither, especially him, think enough of you to have you share their day, so don't text or turn up as that would be hideously unfair on the Bride.

If you were not on the invite list for the Wedding you can remove yourself from the invite list for other functions, and, even if you do go to these functions, act with dignity and be polite stop this daft nonsense of "we can't just be friends, we have to be lovers".

You are an adult with free will and choice, make the right one and for the love of all things don't get embroiled in an affair with him after his marriage the fall-out and damage that will result from it will be horrendous especially within such a small community - there will be no romantic star crossed lovers rhetoric, quite the opposite.

WorraLiberty · 27/08/2016 14:49

I hate to say it but it sounds a bit like to him it was a fuck-buddy relationship.

Whereas to you, it was emotionally a whole lot more.

I hope you keep away from each other now he's getting married.

BengalCatMum · 27/08/2016 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AskBasil · 27/08/2016 14:52

Oh grow up.

He doesn't love you like you love him.

Stop loving him. Make that choice, today. Accept that he has never been committed to you, you've had several chances as a couple to make it work between you and you haven't.

Stop letting this be a great big burden you carry around. Drop it. Let it go. And feel free.

OverlyLoverly · 27/08/2016 14:53

Too much drama and romanticizing. You need to use your head rather than your emoticons.

Goingtobeawesome · 27/08/2016 14:54

Me and my first love had a pact too, when we were 83. Won't bore you with the saga but someone interfered and now 20 years later we are both married to other people. It's taken forever to get over him and I had to see him to do so with added complications.

Have today for you. Then make a new life for yourself. It's painful, I know.

emotionsecho · 27/08/2016 14:58

Going when you were 83?

GingerIvy · 27/08/2016 14:58

Going- you were 83 twenty years ago? I'm impressed. Grin

Goingtobeawesome · 27/08/2016 15:00

Hmm that we'd marry at 83.

Obviously.

Nannawifeofbaldr · 27/08/2016 15:05

I don't wish to be unnecessarily harsh but pacts to get married in your eighties are hormone inspired teenage nonsense.

CotswoldStrife · 27/08/2016 15:05

Waiting another 20 years after you are 83, that's patience. Def time to move on Grin

Hopefully the OP is having her get together and the guests are telling her she's had a lucky escape!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/08/2016 15:08

I get it, OP. Perhaps you are the love of his life as he is yours? Perhaps he isn't? I don't understand why posters think that she's the love his life because he married her... this board is littered with people who thought that - wrongly.

BUT, whether you two would have been together or not - he's now married to somebody else so that is the end of it.

Thanks for you...

emotionsecho · 27/08/2016 15:09

Nope Going I still don't understand it - you had a pact that you and your first love would marry each other when you reach the age of 83 and that you would each remain single until then?

Also 20 years on from what - age 83, the date of the pact, what?

Nannawifeofbaldr · 27/08/2016 15:11

Lying because why on earth would a 37 year old man, propose to and marry someone he didn't love if the woman he did love was available, willing and living nearby?

Don't be silly.

SamanthaBrique · 27/08/2016 15:11

Let's face it, it doesn't sound like fidelity is this guys strong suit so he may well be seeing OP again, behind his wife's back, before long Confused