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Original poster

The love of my life gets married at 3pm today....the only problem is it's not to me!

135 replies

2anddone · 27/08/2016 13:30

Hi just that really the love of my life, the one that got away gets married at 3pm today and I am really sad about it!
We were together 21 years ago, I was his first time. We were totally in love and completely inseparable for 8 months when I had to go away to do my year out which had been planned before we got together. I didn't want to go and if I hadn't been 18 and scared I would have refused but I didn't even think that was an option at the time!
Probably totally outing myself but don't really care. My parents split us up during my year abroad and threatened to get injunctions out to keep us apart if he contacted me. We split up and I returned home at the end of my year.
I met the person who is now xh and we got together a couple of years after that I bumped into my xbf and we had an affair this lasted nearly 2 years and came to a natural end, we remained friends but have this instinct to be near each other.
5 years after this we got together again for another 3 years and this also came to an end when he met someone. Me and xh separated 3 years ago and deep down I always expected to get back with the person I have always loved.
Today he gets married and I live so close to the church I will hear the bells and know that it has finally finished.
I love him so much, I know I need to get a grip I have loved him for over 20 years though and today I am feeling really sad Sad

OP posts:
MylaMimi · 27/08/2016 14:00

Your parents may have had a hand in stopping you being together at 18, but since then you've been an adult making your own choices and so has he.

Why didn't you get together properly (and marry?) during your 20s and 30s? With no parents to to stop you?

PurpleDaisies · 27/08/2016 14:00

Are you serious roar?

MylaMimi · 27/08/2016 14:01

I think Roar is stirring the pot!

OurBlanche · 27/08/2016 14:02

Allow yourself a moanfest... this may help you get a bit of perspective, or sob it all out. You know you need to put this one away, forever!

Fabellini · 27/08/2016 14:02

NO! roarfeckingroar that is a terrible idea!

Cocklodger · 27/08/2016 14:05

He doesn't feel the same way, I'm sorry. he's not the love of your life. You WILL move on.But for gods sake don't you dare pursue him while he has a wife.Take the high road.
Move if you have to.
Don't go to any social occasions until you're sure you moved on. You will be ok but you have to have a clean break from all this.
Sorry you're in this situation

roarfeckingroar · 27/08/2016 14:05

I wasn't trying to stir, I'm just in a bit of an emotional pot hole myself after recent break up and not thinking straight.

Sorry.

BlueFolly · 27/08/2016 14:05

From the sounds of it, being married won't stop either of you.

BlueFolly · 27/08/2016 14:06

It will just add a bit more drama into the mix.

HermioneWeasley · 27/08/2016 14:06

You've concocted a fantasy in your head of what might have been. It isn't real.

He is marrying someone else. He doesn't love you. Move on.

Flum · 27/08/2016 14:07

This is heartbreaking to read. if your aver hs mobile number I will send him a quick text wishing him luck and mentioning that the bride to be is a very lucky lady. That gives him the opportunity to bail on he wedding if there is any chance that might happen. fairy tales do happen in real life. Other than that though I would leave it be. I think hankering after the one that got away can often be a false pathway. there is a very strong chance that it wouldn't have worked out for you guys anyway but since you didn't really get that far in your mind it is a Romeo and Juliet situation. send the quick friendly text and if you hear nothing take a deep breath out on some make up and go and visit someone you really like who is lovely to take your mind off it.

or you could go down to the church wailing and sobbing and throwing autumn leaves about.... Not recommended though.

JigglypuffsCaptor · 27/08/2016 14:07

Honestly you need to let him go, don't ruin some woman's wedding day by confessing your undying love to his fiance! Shock

Have you bbq have some fun best you can, and learn to forget. It will be ok in the long run

needastrongone · 27/08/2016 14:09

OP, he met someone else while you were together. He was prepared to cheat on his partners to have an affair with you, what does that say about him? If you were meant to be together, then you would be together. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who was prepared to cheat on me or WITH me.

Think about it like that, rather than in a romantic manner.

PurpleDaisies · 27/08/2016 14:09

This is heartbreaking to read

Is it? This guy has messed her around for years, had affairs with her and ditched her when someone better came along. I think the op's had a lucky escape (even if it doesn't feel like it now). Who wants to be with someone who dumps their bride an hour before the wedding? That's not my sort of fairy tale.

revealall · 27/08/2016 14:12

What do you mean " it came to a natural end" when you had the affair? Why didn't you get together then?

needastrongone · 27/08/2016 14:12

Glad you read it the way I did Purple, I am agog at some of the posts.

A1Sharon · 27/08/2016 14:14

Flum one persons fairy tale would be another -the brides- nightmare!
Do you ever give 'the other person' a thought?

AyeAmarok · 27/08/2016 14:14

The guy would be nuts to walk out on the woman he's about to marry for a woman who only wanted to have affairs with him, and only seems to desperately want him now that he's taken.

diddl · 27/08/2016 14:18

Oh come on, Op!

He shagged you when you were married to someone else & when you were together as single adults he found someone else!

How can you think so much of him?

Remoteready · 27/08/2016 14:18

You are over romanticising this. It is very easy to think he is the love of your life because you have not actually been successful in having a relationship with him.

Unless separated by war or natural disaster, no two people can't be together if they want to be.

ElspethFlashman · 27/08/2016 14:21

You were never the love of HIS life though, clearly.

Nannawifeofbaldr · 27/08/2016 14:25

Flum "fairy tale"?

How is it a fairy tale ending to potentially ruin some poor woman's wedding day and break her heart?

Apart from which, given that these two are essentially fuck buddies who haven't let prior relationships get in their way, he wouldn't take contact from the OP as a sign to "bail" he take it as a sign that she was available for a shag after the honeymoon.

Either that or that she is desperately flinging herself at him.

He's a 37 year old man. I'm pretty sure no one is forcing him up the aisle.

Bear in mind that the OP and this man live in a small, tightly knit community. There is no "fairy tale" ending if you have to live and work (and in his case operate a business) in the same community as the jilted bride, her family and friends.

Enjoy your BBQ OP. Leave him be and think of him as a nice memory only.

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 27/08/2016 14:26

It's a classic case of the heart always wants what it can't have. I always thought I'd end up with my first love and I suppose I would have if it was meant to be, but it wasn't. Close the page on that chapter and wish him well, concentrate on your life now, because the real love of your life could be waiting for you just around the corner.

Moojay · 27/08/2016 14:31

Just something to think about OP, sometimes we can confuse love for addiction.
Not to belittle your feelings in anyway, but I do feel this is the case for you. You keep going back and forth to each other because it gives you that hit.
I'd put money on you not feeling this way if your parents hadn't portrayed him as forbidden fruit.
You need to be honest with yourself.

Flum · 27/08/2016 14:31

I would still send the good luck text message. not suggesting she goes marching down there.

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