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Original poster

The love of my life gets married at 3pm today....the only problem is it's not to me!

135 replies

2anddone · 27/08/2016 13:30

Hi just that really the love of my life, the one that got away gets married at 3pm today and I am really sad about it!
We were together 21 years ago, I was his first time. We were totally in love and completely inseparable for 8 months when I had to go away to do my year out which had been planned before we got together. I didn't want to go and if I hadn't been 18 and scared I would have refused but I didn't even think that was an option at the time!
Probably totally outing myself but don't really care. My parents split us up during my year abroad and threatened to get injunctions out to keep us apart if he contacted me. We split up and I returned home at the end of my year.
I met the person who is now xh and we got together a couple of years after that I bumped into my xbf and we had an affair this lasted nearly 2 years and came to a natural end, we remained friends but have this instinct to be near each other.
5 years after this we got together again for another 3 years and this also came to an end when he met someone. Me and xh separated 3 years ago and deep down I always expected to get back with the person I have always loved.
Today he gets married and I live so close to the church I will hear the bells and know that it has finally finished.
I love him so much, I know I need to get a grip I have loved him for over 20 years though and today I am feeling really sad Sad

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/08/2016 15:14

Looking at how the groom has treated the op over the years lying, it's pretty clear that she isn't the love of his life. Marrying someone else is a big clue...

TwoKettles · 27/08/2016 15:15

Your dreams are exactly that - free for you to keep.

In reality, he may have made an Awful life partner - this way you get to keep the best bits in your head and none of the snoring, picking of toenails and farting

Goingtobeawesome · 27/08/2016 15:16

Nanna - I'm not even going to explain why I picked that age.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/08/2016 15:16

Nanna...myriad reasons. Who knows? You don't and I don't. Perhaps he's settling or perhaps he's determined that he will marry this woman rather than keep his options open.

Stop being silly yourself and have a look at relationships board. Just because it's unpalatable to consider even for a second that one's husband might not have them in mind as the 'love of their life', doesn't mean that it isn't so.

OP has said nothing at all about continuing with this man, Samantha, did she? Your post is unnecessarily unkind.

Jeez... are some people so one-dimensional that they can't put themselves into somebody else's shoes for five minutes even?

Nannawifeofbaldr · 27/08/2016 15:18

Going you didn't mean me, you mean emotions.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/08/2016 15:18

PurpleDaisies, only the foolish would think that marrying somebody means that they are the love of that person's life.

OP and this man have a history and they clearly meant something to each other then. They may not be the love of each other's lives at all, that's true, but tat the moment, she's grieving for the one who got away so I'd rather be kind to her than kick her.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/08/2016 15:19

TwoKettles, just so! Grin

PurpleDaisies · 27/08/2016 15:19

PurpleDaisies, only the foolish would think that marrying somebody means that they are the love of that person's life.
I didn't say that in my post.

ChicRock · 27/08/2016 15:20

So you cheated on your XH twice, for years, with this guy?

And now you're available, he doesn't want you, and you're fantasising that he's too far into wedding plans that he feels he can't back out. Hahahaha how embarrassing for you.

Good on him for moving on and finding someone else. I hope they're incredibly happy together.

aisatsana · 27/08/2016 15:21

You were together three times and couldn't make it work any of those times.

He's not "the one that got away".

More like "the one that wasn't meant to be".

Move on!

Goingtobeawesome · 27/08/2016 15:22

i did mean you Nanna

hollyisalovelyname · 27/08/2016 15:22

He's the love of your life but you are not the love of his life..... he dumped you.
LET IT GO.... LET HIM GO.
If he was for you he had ample time to ask you to marry him.
He's just not that into you.
That's really hard to accept.
Life isn't like the movies where he'd rush out of the church just before the vows realising his mistake.
Though I wish it was.

Nannawifeofbaldr · 27/08/2016 15:25

Lying I'm just going by the evidence the OP has presented:

They've been together several times. Twice as adults having an affair.
He broke it off with her to be with someone else.
She spilt with her husband and is now available.
He has chosen to marry someone else.

I understand that the OP finds it difficult and is sad and that's fine and understandable.

Suggesting this man might love her in the basis of no evidence at all is unkind Lying it won't help the OP move on.

SamanthaBrique · 27/08/2016 15:25

OP has said nothing at all about continuing with this man, Samantha, did she? Your post is unnecessarily unkind.

I didn't mean OP, I meant the man as he doesn't sound too faithful and hadn't exactly treated her well in the past.

ChicRock · 27/08/2016 15:27

Oh please! He's not the love of her life, he's a bloke she was shagging behind her husbands back for a total of 5 years of her married life.

memyselfandaye · 27/08/2016 15:32

Grow the fuck up ChicRock

Whats with the "hahaha"? Are you 12?

You sound incredibly bitter about something, no need to project your bile onto the OP.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 27/08/2016 15:33

Surely the reason they didn't make a go of it any of the times they were 'together' is because the OP was married? and maybe he's been with this woman for more than three years so they've never been single at same time?

Nannawifeofbaldr · 27/08/2016 15:34

Ok Going I can't imagine why though. I didn't ask you to explain your choice.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 27/08/2016 15:35

That's in response to posters saying he dumped her and had affairs. My reading is that she was having the affair.

That doesn't change the fact that op can't do anything now though!

AyeAmarok · 27/08/2016 15:38

I love how there are so many posts are saying this guy is not a nice guy as he's a cheat and has treated OP terribly.

When actually, it's OP who was cheating on her husband, several times, for years.

But sure, OP deserves her happy ending with this guy.

Hmm
Goingtobeawesome · 27/08/2016 15:43

Nanna, I know you didn't. I just responded how I wanted too. As you have.

ChicRock · 27/08/2016 15:43

Not projecting anything memyself but cheers anyway. Grin

Can't believe the hard time the guy is getting. Ok he was the OM for years, but he's now done the right thing, moved on and is marrying someone else.

OP needs to get her head out of her arse, leave him well alone, and grow the fuck up herself.

Sparklingbrook · 27/08/2016 15:49

He doesn't sound much of a catch TBH, I am in the 'lucky escape' camp.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/08/2016 15:51

Thought the same about ChicRock's post too, memyself, thigh-rubbing and enjoying herself thoroughly.

SlimCheesy2 · 27/08/2016 15:52

OP, honestly you need to get a grip.

If he wanted to marry you, he would have. God knows you and he had enough opportunities.

Let it go. Move on. There is not point romanticising this.