why doesn't it bother me my husband uses escorts?

[wildsummerflowers]

is it possible for a relationship to be good and for the sex side of things just to be separate? It really genuinely doesn't bother me but it should. I feel people would be horrified if they knew.

I don't think it is possible. An affair or open relationship maybe, but 'escorts'? You know that escorts are prostitutes I assume? And that prostitutes are, for the most part, extremely vulnerable women who are generally coerced or forced into selling sex either by men or as a result of, usually desperate, circumstances? That they are generally damaged and harmed by being exploited by men like your partner? And you are 'OK' with that are you? Never mind what it says about your relationship, I think that says a lot about you.

I couldn't do it. I'd be insanely jealous if my DH wanted another woman. But we have a healthy sex life. I am guessing that you don't want sex with your DH. The question would be why not?

i would have no respect for somebody that had to pay for sex. If it works for you however op & your DP then fair play to you

Maybe you just hate women. Including yourself. Most prostitutes are in that line of work from desperation. Your husband is raping women who don't want to be there and coming home to you. What a lovely open minded wife he must find you to be, someone who will tolerate his use of other unwilling women as toilets he can relieve his urges into.

--signed, a former "sex worker"

What crayfish said.

What would you have me do crayfish? I know they are prostitutes, whether they are coerced or forced I have no idea. I know he uses them, I know it doesn't bother me what I don't know is why.

they come to our home, he doesn't go to them. Look, I really want to speak about this, and it wasn't easy. Please don't attack me

What womb says

Sex is not a "seperate" issue

whatever

I opened up about this on another forum but couldn't explain fully because I am "known" on there so I came somewhere anonymous but since you've decided I'm a troll, I will go, as one person says troll and everyone else follows and I'm probably better just carrying on with my life as it is than defend myself here.

It doesn't bother you because your self esteem is at rock bottom and, I am prepared to bet, you are depressed. Could you talk to your GP about counseling?

Why do you think you're ok with this OP? Are you relieved that while he is paying women to service him sexually he's leaving you alone? Can you say more about how you feel about his behaviour?

I fully share the disgust expressed by the other posters regarding men who pay to use women's bodies for sex by the way

Have you been sexually abused by this man or by others, OP?

If this is for real and you're sincerely worried about it, you need to talk to a counsellor, not Mumsnet, for goodness sake! No one can diagnose you over the Internet. There are a million things which make us who we are and it's silly to open yourself up like this.

They come to your house? Course they do...

Sorry op but if you're perfectly ok with it why on earth do you need to speak about it?

I don't want anyone to "diagnose" me, what would they be diagnosing me with?

Yes I have been sexually abused although I'm OK with it. I've never felt myself interested particularly in sex.

I don't know if I feel relief. I just feel nothing. I feel like I should feel something but I just feel absolutely zilch.

How are we supposed to know why it doesn't bother you?

Crayfish yes they do come to the house. Where would he be going? I'm lost here. I think he goes online. Oh god I don't know actually! Maybe he's saying they are escorts and they aren't. I don't know.

This is all kinds of grim

I just needed to speak to someone, Im sorry.

If your husband uses escorts and it doesn't bother you, what on earth are you posting for? You don't need advice. If you're ok with it, who cares why. The majority of people would care and you obviously know that!!

Maybe he's saying they are escorts and they aren't. I don't know.

Does that make a difference? Your husband is being unfaithful.

'I feel like I should feel something but I just feel absolutely zilch.'

Its not as simple as 'should' when it comes to feelings because everyone is so different but yes I think most people would have a pretty strong reaction to finding out that their partner was paying for sex. If he is paying for escorts to visit him in your home, that shows an appalling lack of respect for you. You say you are 'ok' with your past sexual abuse - have you ever had any professional support with coming to terms with what happened?