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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My partner just hit me....

86 replies

Maria25 · 13/08/2016 07:51

Twice around the head and face. I'm in shock. He has never really been violent towards me at all. I don't know what to think, I feel strangely numb. He is crying and crying now.

I can't stay can I? I've been through it before with my daughters dad and only just now coming to terms with what I went through with him.

My partner is my soulmate and we love it each other so much, I can't believe he has done this, I trusted him and now I feel like the world's biggest idiot

OP posts:
ProjectGainsborough · 13/08/2016 07:56

Oh god, so sorry to hear this.

No, I don't think you can stay. My dad was violent and it never changed, no matter how sorry he was. You probably know this already, given your previous experience.

Have you got somewhere safe to be now?

Flowers
inastew · 13/08/2016 07:56

Report it to PC plod.

Dial 101 if you don't want flashing lights at house before breakfast, but record what happened somehow.
Video aftermath with your phone now of sore face and him sobbing at the very minimum.
Then later today decide what happening next.

Doyoufeelluckypunk · 13/08/2016 07:57

Have you got somewhere safe to go? Or can he leave?

How do you feel, do you need medical attention?

You know you can't stay

Flowers
QuiteLikely5 · 13/08/2016 08:00

Call the police. He will do it again. This is the first time of many times which you will know if it's your second abusive relationship

AtSea1979 · 13/08/2016 08:03

So sorry OP, how terrible. No unfortunately you can't stay and I usually hate all the LTB threads when their DPs have done something minor but unfortunately with him knowing your past and still doing this it's not going to change.

foodiefil · 13/08/2016 08:03

You know he will do it again and it's not just you you have to protect - you have a child to protect.

Leave. Hope you can find the strength. Flowers

Easystreet52 · 13/08/2016 08:03

He is not your soulmate, he is your abuser.

Make sure you leave him now because it won't stop.

You also have children to think about.

hidingwithwine · 13/08/2016 08:04

He's not your soulmate - otherwise you wouldn't be posting that he'd hit you.

If you have been through this before, you knew you need to get out, if only so that your DD's don't think this is normal in an adult relationship.

Him crying means nothing - he's basically crying for himself. Hope you're able to ignore him and concentrate on what's important here - you and your children.

Easystreet52 · 13/08/2016 08:09

The crying is frankly pathetic. Poor him eh! You know what you need to do.

smilingeyes11 · 13/08/2016 08:13

no you can't stay. Please see a doctor and call the police

And call Women's Aid too - and the Freedom Programme is invaluable also when you are ready. You have just left one abuser for another - this is no soulmate nor is it love.

Original poster
Maria25 · 13/08/2016 08:13

I'm in the bath, door locked. He is in the bedroom, hopefully sleeping.

I'm in shock. He isn't really apologising but saying he lashed out because he knows I don't love him like he loves me and that I laughed at him.

We've (for the first time in months) have neither of our children for the whole weekend. We had a lovely meal and a coulee of glasses of wine, I'm a lightweight so after 3 I felt pretty on my way so went to bed. He woke me at 3.45am to ask if his friend (who I've never met) and his gf could come over. I said yes but then realised immediately what I had agreed to so got out of bed and said no bloody way. He had already polished off wine plus bottle of vodka at this point. I went back to bed to be woken at 6 this morning of front door banging so I get up and go in lounge, bottles everywhere, stale fag smoke etc etc. Told him I was really angry, he got angry back. I told him to fuck off and then he said he would kill me and got me in a headlock which I wriggled out of. I then kind of goaded him and said go on then if you're going to and kind of nervous laughed, I was trying to be brave. So he did. Twice. Not a slap or a punch more of a clout if you know what I mean. I ask him to leave, he goes into complete melt down so I've appeased him and said it's fine, I forgive him just to diffuse the situation so he thinks I'm not leaving, I've promised I won't.

This is so out of the blue and out of character though, just completely strange behaviour? I'm trying to see if there were any warning signs or red flags and I just ignored them because I was in love.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maria25 · 13/08/2016 08:18

Reading your replies, shock is waring off now. I'm so angry. Calling 101 and his parents now.

I feel like a mug, I've done refuges and freedom project before, read the books had the counselling etc. I can't believe I let my guard down. I'm distraught.

OP posts:
TeaRexit · 13/08/2016 08:18

You do need to leave.

A headlock is around your neck.
Just a little bit tighter & thats it.

You might not be so lucky to survive it next time, because if you stay, he knows he can do it again.

seven201 · 13/08/2016 08:20

You're not a mug. I'm glad you're calling 101 and his parents. He could have easily 'accidentally' killed you by the sounds of it. You have to protect yourself and your child.

boobyooby · 13/08/2016 08:21

So sorry to read this Maria, you sound like you know what to do!

Metoo72 · 13/08/2016 08:22

I'm so sorry you had to go through this again.
The first time my DP hurt me it was so out of character for him (I thought) I barely registered it...nor the second time...the violence was so far apart and so discordant with his shy demeanor, I don't think my brain could process it, so I chose not to. There tended to be a year or so between assaults.
On the last assault, my partner launched himself at me, slammed my head against the wall until I was unconscious then when I came to slammed my bleeding head into the floor until I was unconscious again. I am lucky to be alive. He is a quiet person who normally wouldn't say boo to a goose.
If I'd posted on MN after the first assault (which wasn't as bad as yours) I think I would have felt that any comments telling me to leave, that it only gets worse only applied to other men....that my dp and my situation was different. It wasn't. I'm another stat proving it does get worse, please don't be one too. Thinking of you x

MephistoMarley · 13/08/2016 08:26

Well done for calling the police. It's not out of character is it - it's just something you haven't seen before. The first available opportunity he gets wasted and drinks all night, invites people over to your home while you're asleep, and when you fairly challenge him he goes for you and threatens to kill you. Doubtless if you had been there on his sessions before you would have experienced this sooner.

HerOtherHalf · 13/08/2016 08:27

So sorry for you. I strongly believe that someone who hits their partner once will do it again so I have an unwavering belief in absolutely zero tolerance. But you should not leave. Get the police to remove him and charge him. If he makes any attempt to contact you again get a restraining order or whatever is appropriate. Do not under any circumstances find ways to excuse or understand his behaviour, it is completely unacceptable.

Wonkydonkey44 · 13/08/2016 08:31

He doesn't love u , you need to leave him xxx

BertNErnie · 13/08/2016 08:31

Well done for calling 101 and his parents. Don't hide what he has done in shame - you have done NOTHING to deserve this. His crocodile tears and attempt to put it back on you is disgusting but expected. It's what you do now that matters.

Stay strong xxx

EndodSummerLooming · 13/08/2016 08:33

Don't blame yourself. He didn't have to invite people into your home in the early hours, or drink a bottle of vodka after you had gone to bed. There was disrespect and abuse before he laid a finger on you.

You don't need him in your life and neither does your daughter.

Penfold007 · 13/08/2016 08:33

Well done for calling the police, your OP makes it clear this isn't the first time he's been violent. Who's home is it? One of you has to leave.

HerOtherHalf · 13/08/2016 08:36

Who's home is it? One of you has to leave.

If he's the owner or leaseholder she will have to leave eventually. But when she is ready. Let him have his life turned upside down and sofa surf till she is good and ready to move. The police will make sure he stays away as long as she stays resolute.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 13/08/2016 08:41

He said he would kill you.
Believe him

perdita2016 · 13/08/2016 08:51

Call the police. My ex partner slapped and punched me in the face and over the course of a year it escalated to more punching and him pointing a knife at me at me and threatening to stab me in the face. I used to give him money to stop. He never said sorry or took any responsibility as he said it was always my fault. I never reported any of this because I thought that it would make it worse. The turning point for me was when I ended the relationship and he broke into my face and strangled me to the point where I couldn't breathe and thought I was going to die. That's when I snapped and called the police. They were brilliant. He was charged, found guilty and received a prison sentence. I now have an indefinite restraining order.
Through my counselling sessions I have realised that there is never an excuse for someone to put their hands on you - ever. If he's done it once he will do it again and it will escalate.

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