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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

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MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

My partner just hit me....

86 replies

Maria25 · 13/08/2016 07:51

Twice around the head and face. I'm in shock. He has never really been violent towards me at all. I don't know what to think, I feel strangely numb. He is crying and crying now.

I can't stay can I? I've been through it before with my daughters dad and only just now coming to terms with what I went through with him.

My partner is my soulmate and we love it each other so much, I can't believe he has done this, I trusted him and now I feel like the world's biggest idiot

OP posts:

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MrsDilligaf · 13/08/2016 11:28

Oh OP

Get the police to remove him from your flat and immediately change the locks.

I'm sorry you've been through this but keep strong.

((Hug))

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Pocah0ntas · 13/08/2016 11:36

I am really sorry to hear that this has happened to you, I don't really understand why people are telling you to report it to the police, it is not going to make the situation better.

He may be crying and saying he is sorry but what he has done is unforgivable, if I were in your situation I would leave, if he can hit you once he can do it again

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MatildaTheCat · 13/08/2016 11:55

Pocahontas, what a bizarre reply. No point in calling the police for a violent assault? When would be an appropriate time to call them? OP has stated it is her property and she will take advice from the police this afternoon on how best to remove him. Until then she is safely with her family.

I hope nobody in RL is relying on your opinion for anything important.

OP, sending very best wishes for getting him dealt with in the right way and keeping yourself safe. You know it is the only option. Keep strong.

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perdita2016 · 13/08/2016 12:43

Pocahontas. What he did is assault which is a criminal offence. This is why it needs to be reported to the police. If an assault was committed by someone who is not a partner would you be advocating not calling the police?
OP, you are in my thoughts.

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perdita2016 · 13/08/2016 12:46

In my situation calling the police was the best thing I ever did. I wish I'd done it sooner. The fact that I was believed and that he was sent to prison was extremely powerful for me in terms of being believed and being taken seriously.

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PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 13/08/2016 12:50

What a bizarrely unhelpful and, frankly, stupid thing to say, Pocahontas.

It's only because the police are getting involved that OP will be able to return to her own flat safely. After nearly being killed by her partner.

I despair of some people, I really do. >shakes head

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Cabrinha · 13/08/2016 12:53

Pocahontas
Why wouldn't she report a violent assault on her to the police?

OP's responsibility is to herself, not other women. But such a report could help another woman in future (could help you) if they use Claire's Law.

Plus, you know - this arsehole just committed a crime, so - police is a perfectly normal course of action for that.

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smilingeyes11 · 13/08/2016 13:45

I can't think why anyone would tell someone not to call the police. I hope the police get him out of your property today and into a cell asap Op and please do get yourself medically checked out too.

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EmmanuelleMumsnet · 13/08/2016 18:51

OP, just thought we'd direct you towards our domestic violence support page in case it is of use.

Wishing you all the best .

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Rachie1986 · 13/08/2016 19:02

How are you doing OP? Sending lots of unmumsnet hugs x

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Atenco · 13/08/2016 19:09

Well done, OP. I, like millions of other women, felt sorry for my ex when he cried after the first time he hit me. I wish mumsnet had been around then.

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Skinimum · 13/08/2016 19:25

Been thinking about you all day. Lots of love and let us all know how it goes. We are all rooting for you.

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FantasticButtocks · 13/08/2016 23:49

Hope the police have arrested him by now.

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Alfiemoon1 · 15/08/2016 02:59

Just wondering how u are op ?

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MiscellaneousAssortment · 15/08/2016 03:51

How awful for you.

I hope you got back into your home today, and that the police were kind and competent.

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Maria25 · 15/08/2016 09:34

Good morning ladies,
I'm back home with my daughter this morning. What a truly horrible couple of days. He spent the whole of Saturday morning contacting everybody I know to try and find me because I wouldn't answer the phone. My cousin spoke to him and told him that we were going to the police station and he was distraught. Police took my statement and photos etc and he handed himself in that afternoon. He is denying that he hit me but saying we were being mutually aggressive towards one another and he has no idea how I got the lump on my forehead. Police have bailed him to his parents address with strict conditions not to contact me etc. His family came and collected his stuff yesterday. Police have asked my neighbour to make a statement as to what they heard, apparently they heard me shouting for him to get off me and him saying he was sorry.
Today, I'm swinging from feeling totally devastated to really angry to feeling completely ashamed that I'm such a terrible judge of character. The warning signs were there all along when I really think about it, I was completely blinded by my feelings for him and being honest, I was just so happy to find someone after my terrible 7 year relationship with my daughter's dad.
Thank you all for taking the time to post and comment, it's really helped keep me focused on doing the right thing. Xx

OP posts:

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Skinimum · 15/08/2016 09:48

Sound alike you are getting lots of support. Congrats for standing up for yourself. You are an inspiration to other women in your position.

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Metoo72 · 15/08/2016 10:06

I'm so glad you are safe and getting support Maria.
Also that you learned what this 'man' was before it was too late...he has shown his true colours nit only in being violent but by denying any knowledge regarding how you got hurt and saying you were mutually agressive...who would want anything to do with a coward who lies and denies, even without the violence?

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Maria25 · 15/08/2016 10:12

Thank you x

It's just a small graze and a sprained wrist, my rosacea makes it look worse. Sadly, hardly anything compared to what I went through with my ex but it's enough. I know that if I didn't have that past experiences, I probably would've have never gone to police either.
Going through a lot of emotions today, feel guilty for essentially ruining his life, to being really angry at him to feeling like a complete naive loser. What was I thinking? How stupid can you get? It's all plainly obvious to me now, he is an aggressive bully and the warning signs were there all along. I was just so happy that someone loved me, I ignored it all.
I will never trust anyone ever again.
I'm going to try and get through it tho, me and bug are off to get matching henna hand tattoos today so I'm concentrating on that at the mo.

OP posts:

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MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 15/08/2016 10:27

First of all well done for getting out and then getting him out. I know how hard that is.
Don't feel sorry for him. He is a thug and deserves nothing from you. You didn't ruin anything for him. He scored that bullseye all on his own.

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FunnyTummy · 15/08/2016 10:30

Just wanted to send my best wishes and positive thoughts to you. xxxx

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FellOutOfBed2wice · 15/08/2016 10:30

I'm sorry but you cannot stay. I had a boyfriend in my teens and early 20s who had a bad temper but never hit me... Until the row which became how we split up and he beat the absolute shit out of me. I had bruises on my ribs for months. I can never think of him in the same way no. Men who do this are scum. You cannot stay with him.

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kaitlinktm · 15/08/2016 10:32

So he is lying to the police - and probably to his family too. Still, no need for you to have anything to do with him or them now. Hope it wasn't too unpleasant when they came round for his things. In any case it's onwards and upwards now for you Maria.

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smilingeyes11 · 15/08/2016 10:32

He ruined his own life. I would recommend Women's Aid and please do the Freedom Programme too - it is invaluable. You can even do it online.

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/08/2016 10:33

The only level of abuse acceptable in a relationship is none.
Maria

He was never your soulmate, he was someone who targeted your own self and vulnerabilities and used them to his own ends.

Let the police deal with him and press charges.

You will learn to trust again but you need to love your own self properly first of all. Love your own self for a change.

Please enrol yourself today on Womens Aid Freedom Programme and do their programme in person rather than online if at all possible. You went from one abusive relationship into another one; some stuff that you have learnt about relationships along the way needs to be unlearnt.

(be careful re henna tattoos and where you have this done; some people can have a bad reaction to it. Would have a patch test done first).