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Original poster

Am I right to be suspicious?

83 replies

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 04/08/2016 22:16

Went out to the pub with DP tonight (we don't live together). It's his DD birthday soon and having a party.. Was showing me some photos of food he was going to buy, the next thing, he'd swiped onto a pic of a pretty young woman in a vest top, it was all so quick. Anyway he quickly swiped it away as I asked who was it. He was very flustered and said "oh that's them in the what's app group sending pics" (his male hobby group)

I said nothing for around an hour then asked him about the pic, again he looked flustered, but recited the same story. I asked to see the pic and the WA thread and he flatly refused, categorically refused to show me.

Am I wrong to ask him this?

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 04/08/2016 23:44

So what happens if he has deleted it?

I don't think he's going to show you, given that you already proved to him that your ultimatums aren't actually ultimatums Sad

He'll be thinking "she'll shut up soon enough".

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 04/08/2016 23:46

Seriously Sophie?.. Do men generally have pics of women on their phone? Is this a new thing the? Call me old fashioned!

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Cabrinha · 04/08/2016 23:48

My privacy would not be more important to me that knowing that my boyfriend wasn't upset.

Only if it became repeated needs to reassurance triggered by nothing, would I say no, my privacy counts more.

It may be all he is hiding is saying to a friend about a girl he's talking to on line "yeah - she'd get it!"

The point is, your boyfriend is supposed to treat you better than anyone - surely? So why would a boyfriend let his girlfriend go through feeling upset and suspicious, if he could stop that?

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 04/08/2016 23:49

Cabrinha..I really don't know yet, it's only just happened and I'm just not thinking straight. I feel kind of numb, just numb.

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Cabrinha · 04/08/2016 23:50

I wouldn't be ending it because of a photo on a phone.
I'd be ending it because my boyfriend didn't care enough about me to listen to my feelings and reassure me - AGAIN.
Life's too short. There are nicer men out there.

Cabrinha · 04/08/2016 23:50

Then sleep on it!
You don't have to decide anything quickly.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 04/08/2016 23:56

Shortly after I saw the pic but before I actually questioned him about it, he got up to go to the bar. Phone was on the table and he picked it up. He said he didn't want to lose it again (left it in the pub last week). I said "but I'm not going anywhere so u can leave it on the table" he argued that he should take it to the bar with him..eventually he left it..I think he poured the pints himself he was back in a flash..and no..it's the thumbprint passcode so I couldn't look if I'd wanted to

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Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 04/08/2016 23:59

I wouldn't end a relationship due to a pic on a phone either, the fact that he is disregarding my feelings AGAIN Cabrinha is like you say why I might end it..he can be quite manipulative

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Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 05/08/2016 00:01

Unfortunately I think sleeping is some way offSad

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justfortheperks · 05/08/2016 00:10

Phone guarding is not generally a good sign. It's like when they start leaving their phone face down in case someone messages them and pops up on the screen (though you can turn those notifications off).

As with any suspicious behaviour, these things mean little in isolation but can form a kind of pattern if there's a lot of them at once. I think the main hint you have here is that you read him as flustered when you saw the picture. That's a gut feeling, you know him, and you know he was uncomfortable.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 05/08/2016 00:23

He does leave it face down quite a lot.

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Cathaka15 · 05/08/2016 00:33

He sounds childish and dodgy. If it was nothing he would have just showed it to you and moved on. Go with your gut feeling on this.

SandyY2K · 05/08/2016 06:58

My DH has a male sporting hobby group and there's no lewd stuff that goes on. All the group are married, so maybe that makes a difference.

I don't have an iPhone, but on my samsung photos sent via a group chat are automatically saved in another folder, not in photos that I have taken myself with the phone.

So what you saw could not have happened unless he took the pic or saved it.

BarbaraRoberts · 05/08/2016 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 05/08/2016 08:00

Cathaka..that's exactly what I think, but his stance is "there's nothing to show you" it's like dealing with my teenage DS, so yes what PP are saying about childishness is spot on.

I'm on a hiding to nothing really because he will not tell me, I know that. Last years incident went the same way, I never found out the truth, just let it go and thought I could move on, now this..

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Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 05/08/2016 08:03

Sandy..he is quite tech savvy so perfectly possible he'd turned the 'saving' option off on his whatsapp settings, but it's speculation isn't it?

I just don't want to feel I'm wrong in being suspicious, he's making me. I haven't heard from him since we left the pub, so there you go, he's not playing ball is he?

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MephistoMarley · 05/08/2016 08:05

Either he's received this photo as part of the whatsapp group recently and doesn't want you to see what he commented or he's receiving pictures directly from a woman. Sounds like the second sadly.

attsca · 05/08/2016 08:16

His attitude towards women is vile, not to mention treating you as though you're stupid. You need to move on, he's a creep.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/08/2016 09:05

Gross disrespectful 'banter' about women, exchanging porn? I wouldn't even want an acquaintanceship with a man who did that. And he's lied to you and refused to reassure you. I would end the relationship, absolutely. Don't listen to posters minimising this - trust your instincts here.

Naicehamshop · 05/08/2016 09:32

Agree about the disrespectful "banter " about women and the sharing porn. That would be a deal breaker for me in itself.

SickInBedOnTwoChairs · 05/08/2016 10:11

If he has shown you stuff on his phone before and is now claiming this is of the same type and yet he is not showing you and acting flustered, he is up to something for sure. If he has previous, I wouldn't be able to let this lie either. He sounds like a lying toad to me.

0dfod · 05/08/2016 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Missgraeme · 05/08/2016 10:57

Because u let the last incident go u gave him the green light to continue to be a twat. Only u can break the cycle by dumping him. If he had nothing to hide he would have showed u his phone to make u look like a paranoid gf surely and given him the upper hand!!?

adora1 · 05/08/2016 12:06

No, I'd not let this go, the guarding of the phone is a massive red flag, taking it to the bar ffs! Also don't like his attitude towards women and having pics on his phone, I'd think a lot less of him.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 10/08/2016 01:00

Update on this situation..met up at the weekend. He had deleted the photo, and the whatsapp thread was lost after he restored his phone (he says).

So now it's all gone..so he says and still won't show the phone, keeps saying there was nothing to show me.

What do you think?

OP posts:
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