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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

please someone help me decipher what happened....(title amended by MNHQ - trigger warning)

150 replies

whatthefuck9 · 31/07/2016 22:00

Ive name changed for this as too scared ill be recognised but could really do with speaking to someone
My heads such a mess i invited some new neighbours over for a drink the other night , ive only met them to say hi to so thought it would be nice to get to know them and make a new friend hopefully
While we were having a drink they told me about the wild lifestyle they lead....swingers clubs/escorts etc ( all this on the 1st time id really even spoken to them) i was a bit taken aback but laughed along like each to thier own etc as didnt want to be rude
Heres where it all gets very vague :( i had a call off a friend at midnight which i remember and them both still being here i didnt feel drunk infact id had less to drink than i sometimes do sat on my own watching tv, my next memory is 3 hrs later when i woke up/came round feeling violently sick and he was on top of me :( i pushed him off and ran into the bathroom to be sick and i vaguley recollect him tucking me into bed? Dont know how much later that was, dont remember him leaving or letting him out or anything really until i phoned my friend about 4am crying hystetically
I have literally no memories of between the call from my friend and maybe 3 hrs later when i came round in bed with him on top of me....when i came downstairs after he left my trousers and underwear were in the living room though
Please someone talk to me im falling apart here terrified of what happened in those lost hours :(

OP posts:
snapcrap · 11/08/2016 20:41

I'm so sorry, you poor thing. Please can you get a RL friend or relative to come and be with you? Is that possible?

Cary2012 · 11/08/2016 20:46

Get to the GP tomorrow, emergency appointment, or just turn up, don't be fobbed off x And I repeat, the samaritans are there to be called, whenever you need them.

coconutpie · 11/08/2016 20:55

Oh god sweetheart :flowers: You really really really need to seek medical attention and report this. If you feel you can't get the words out, just go to the GP and police station and hand them your phone and ask them to read your post which says what happened. It doesn't matter that you can't remember 3 hours - you do remember before and after, can you get your friend to come with you?

:flowers:

coconutpie · 11/08/2016 20:55
Flowers
ChishandFips33 · 11/08/2016 21:02

want the mind racing of what ifs to stop as im torturing myself with scenarios

Would it help to write some of them down and then have a look and see what, if any can be answered.

It might also help you record and build up a picture where the details can be added in time.

I've found my mind circles because I'm scared of forgetting something - writing it down calms the mind racing/circling down and means I can either try and forget or read it and really focus on it - mine was with grief and nothing like your experience though

A chat with the police might bring some insight too - they'll be a font of knowledge as to how the drugs work, if memories are likely to return, support groups etc

GP for counselling might help as your thoughts might relax and bring more detail

Atm you are going round in circles - you need some external insight to help you filter and fight/cope

I'm so sorry you are going through this Flowers

SometimesPeopleAreDicks · 11/08/2016 21:04

Hey op, I had something like this happen to me a few years ago and I'm here if you need to talk.

Original poster
whatthefuck9 · 11/08/2016 22:33

Thank u all for your replies i cant cope tonight

OP posts:
SometimesPeopleAreDicks · 11/08/2016 22:49

It will get easier

Original poster
whatthefuck9 · 11/08/2016 23:18

@somepeople.... how long did it take? Feel like i cant start dealing with it as due.to the lost time i dont know what im dealing with x

OP posts:
SometimesPeopleAreDicks · 11/08/2016 23:35

For me it was when I took back control and decide how I wanted to deal with it. You need to dig deep and decide how you want to move on, whether that be speaking to the police or burying it deep inside.

Everyone deals with things differently and nobody can tell you how to deal with it unfortunately.

quicklydecides · 11/08/2016 23:43

Whatthefuck, we believe you, we think you were assaulted, and we think it was not your fault.
Mind yourself now, seek whatever support you can find, this was not your fault.

Original poster
whatthefuck9 · 12/08/2016 01:14

Im on my own i dont know what to do apary from numb it by driniking wine
...... i cant carry on like this ......

OP posts:
GarlicMistake · 12/08/2016 01:33

We believe you. It wasn't your fault. It's not your fault you only have blurry details. This is not a failing.

I phoned the police helpline years after I was spiked and sexually assaulted. I talked to a specialist officer. He knew of my attacker (he was a serial offender) and filled me in on what he probably did while I was out of it. The officer was both kind and unemotional, exactly the right mix.

I rang him back. There had been a similar incident a few months after that one. I asked the policeman if he knew anything about the second one. Here's the important thing: he didn't, but he managed to talk me through it in such a way that all my feelings about it were clarified & resolved. He was ace :)

Now it's quite likely that your horrid neighbour does this to women quite regularly. The police might want to speak to as many as possible so they can piece a picture together. And even if they haven't had many reports yet, a specially trained officer can really help you as that one helped me.

I'm truly sorry Rape Crisis let you down (wtf?) I honestly feel it's worth reaching out for help until you find someone with the right skills. I very much hope that will be the person who responds to your next call.

You can self-refer to a SARC if you prefer. Find your nearest one here.

GinBunny · 12/08/2016 01:37

Hey, I've been there too OP. Your post resonated with me because it's so similar to what I went through. My drink was spiked, I ended up sleeping with a guy, I remembered very little other than walking home with him and tripping over on the kerb, then waking up with him in my bed putting a condom on then nothing until the morning.. It's so fucking horrible, not knowing what happened in this lost time and I confronted him about it. He hadn't spiked my drink, his friend's girlfriend had because she thought I was after her boyfriend. That's fucked up. And why the hell did they have this shit anyway?
I can't tell you how to get through this but it is clear something has happened. I don't know what to say to you other than speak to people - anyone, friends, GP, Samaritans, get counselling. Do not internalise, that is what you are doing and it will only cause more detriment to you in the long term. You need to get it out so you can recover from this. Wishing you well OP.

Original poster
whatthefuck9 · 12/08/2016 01:58

Thank u all .... i cant cope tonight ive been trying to write my feelings/questions down ( just on notes on my phone just ti get them outta my head ) its not helping so far as some of the thoughts i have are prob so irrational and paranoid i need someone to tell me im being stupid.....

OP posts:
seven201 · 12/08/2016 02:07

You poor thing. You need to speak to the police. There's no need to say who it was if you don't want to. They will at least be able to let you know if it is worth pursuing in term of if they think he could be charged with anything based on what you know about the night. They may also (I have no idea if this is true but hopefully) be able to offer you some victim support. You can't keep suffering in silence like this as it's not going to just go away.

GarlicMistake · 12/08/2016 02:08

But you're not being stupid.

Get them all down (keep adding if needed) and then look through them again in the daytime, when you're surrounded by normal stuff.

It will help you figure out your thoughts and will be helpful when you talk to a decent professional.

Original poster
whatthefuck9 · 12/08/2016 03:14

Im so scared not of them atm anyway as i know they are on holiday for another few days but of me i guess.... what my mind will put me thru.... i havent eaten or slept in days i sit up all night every night drinking hoping it will make me sleep but it hasnt worked tonight
Please someone tell me how to block this out i cant deal with many more nights like this

OP posts:
StarJumpAlertTakeCover · 12/08/2016 04:51

Do reach out, report or get professional advice. Once you do I think it will help you to cope.
Awake and sending you a big hug xxxxxxx

Anonymouses · 12/08/2016 05:38

GP definitely is a good call. They can refer you for tests and also put you in touch with counsellors and find medication if you need it to get yourself back on an evan keel.

I suspect the neighbours will be super nice as they are hoping you remember nothing at all and will write it off as a hangover from hell.

You can talk to the police without filing charges. Go into the station and ask to speak to an officer about a probably sexual assault. They will go through what you recall with you and are trained to help you try and piece things together.

Hope you can get some help to get past this. Always remember it is NOT your fault.

flumpybear · 12/08/2016 05:49

You're clearly not coping with this, frankly neither would I. Tell your GP. Also your friend was on the phone and they can vouch for you so it's not just your word against them. Also I wonder if the man just slipped you a mickey as the wife had gone? Then it's one word against another as she wasn't there? Anyway whatever happened you need counselling. You could try hypnosis to work out what happened too? Bring some clarity and a chance to move on. Are you able to easily move house too? I'd be thinking about this because I couldn't live near them but honestly he probably needs to be prosecuted anyway and sent to prison!!

amysmummy12345 · 12/08/2016 14:18

How are you today op? X

Original poster
whatthefuck9 · 12/08/2016 15:20

Hi im ok just took my daughter to the park....i have googled about hypnosis but it doesnt look promising i guess i will have to try and accept ill never know

OP posts:
amysmummy12345 · 12/08/2016 17:56

I suppose with hypnosis you have to have some recollection even if you block it out subconsciously... Hopefully you might find some kind of closure at some point, I really hope you report, if only to put these people on the police radar... X

loobyloo1234 · 12/08/2016 18:07

OP I haven't RTW yet (forgive me if mentioned) but if you are thinking of reporting this - which I strongly suggest you do - have you washed your bedding? Did you have any underwear on? If yes, and not washed, please put away somewhere safe in case you do report

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like you were drugged, it happened to me, and although a friend found me fortunately, (collapsed in a toilet) one thing I hated was that I lost at least 2 hours of my life. This was 8-9 years ago, and I never remembered what happened

Please keep talking on this thread, I think you will get some very useful advice Flowers