Dry 14

[glad2016]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

Hi everyone.

Hi onewhitepillow. Sorry to hear things are tough.

this

"When I ask him not to speak to me a certain way, he ignores what I've asked and brings up something I've done to annoy him (he'll go back a long way too!) and we end up talking about whatever historical thing I've done wrong, rather than my request for him to stop "

is toxic. My ex does this. I can't (couldn't) ask for anything, or express that I want anything he does to change, because it just leads to a series of criticisms of me, with the implicit message: you don't deserve anything your way because you are shit. He did this in relationship counselling (with Relate) - it was all about how awful I am. I did actually say - a few times - "ok ok I know you have a lot to say about what you don't like about me, but when can I say anything? do I ever get a chance?" apparently not.

If you do go for joint counselling, check you have a good counsellor who will spot that and make sure he doesn't get to dominate in that way. I told my friend about this - it was Relate - and she said, don't go to Relate, Tavistock are much better (if you are in London). too late for me, maybe not for you.

I had a near miss on the motorway today - took evasive action from a dickhead. it could have been really nasty. I don't usually think in these terms but I feel like ... maybe I have a purpose. It was really fucking close and here I am unscathed. Life is precious, life is for living. here I am. My and my liver. Living.

yoga / balance: fix your eyes on a spot and concentrate

Hi Maudlin. Sorry about your near miss. Are you okay? Yes, life is precious. You're here and you and your liver deserve all happiness and kindness. As do mine.

We're not in London - the counsellor isn't relate, but someone independent. She's qualified and we've met her. She seems okay and I've looked into her approach and background a bit. DH isn't a bad man, but we have such a bad dynamic right now. I do take responsibility for that: he's got lots of reason to be resentful of me (I was a horrible drunk and have been for a long time) and I think the changes I am making are terrifying him. I want to be patient. And I don't want to be a doormat either. I'm not sure how to find a middle way through that yet, but I hope the counsellor will help us.

Thank you x

Morning everyone !

maudlin glad you're ok - it's really scary when things like that happen. There really are some right knobs on the road. Life is precious - and you're doing the best thing to get the most out of it.

one I'm a bit stiff today but not sure if that's the yoga or the kettle bells (went a bit ott with them yesterday and now struggling to sit down haha) - looking forward to doing day 2 today! And yes for balance fix on a spot and concentrate. I found it easier to fix on something at low level at first like on the floor rather than head height.

Day 15 here and that means a whole two weeks sober have been achieved - I thought I'd cave before now but still going strong. Went out for a meal last night with non drinking friend who drove - in the past I usually still drink (and she has to cart me off home as I get carried away!) but last night 2 lime and sodas and I was done. And also noticed that the normal bloating I get after eating out wasn't there, and instead I was just naturally titled and came home to bed - whereas usually I'd have carried on drinking. Another step forward I think.

that's really great, yellowlamb. It's lovely, isn't it, when a night out socialising STILL means you can have refreshing sleep afterwards and the rest of the next day isn't written off? Hard not to be smug about it!

CONGRATULATIONS on your day 15. :)

I'm a bit stiff too. A bit tingly in my lower back. My shoulders and neck are ridiculously curved and hunched (I work at a computer all the time) and my hips and hamstrings are so tight I can't do most of the positions. I feel very discouraged about it, but I am committed to 30 days now and I am after three days already seeing some improvements.

I didn't ephrase that well! No It was a weak moment when I returned from a dull night out. In the morning I felt different. We did talk about it but thankfully, although we are both struggling with it, we still see it as better.

I associate the times in the past I have been on AD''s as some of the most depressed I have ever been so it's really hard to tell. I suppose they must have worked otherwise I would have been telling the GP they were not?
What I do remember is when I felt well enough to come off them- realising once they were out of my system that I was feeling joy for the first time in ages. I felt the drugs had been repressing my feelings good and bad. That put me off them though clearly before I went on them there wasn't much joy to be had! I really don't know.

Glad to hear it, pimp. I LIKE having a sober buddy.

I've been on Anti-D's before and although the side effects for me (nausea, shaking, tanked my sex drive, etc) were pretty bad, they were also life-changing in how well they worked. If it isn't like that for you, perhaps there are some other things that might help? Are there other natural remedies that help? Have you ever tried a talking therapy or writing a journal or doing something like that?

Just thinking aloud. Ignore if not useful.

How is everyone else? I've just done day 4 of yoga and meditation. Am feeling very calm and peaceful. I am not sure it is doing my body much good yet, but I'm certainly noticing a lot about where my thoughts are. I think I am one of those people too busy beating themselves up to be happy. I'd like to change that. No bloody wonder I drank - to shut up that naggy voice. It's calmed down a bit tonight.

Feeling good after 2 days back exercising. It's made a noticeable difference after being stuck in the house for the past few days. Hoping to fit a long walk in tomorrow and maybe even another exercise class if I'm feeling energetic!

still here. Still not drinking. But partner left me yesterday morning so very very sad.

I did see it coming, something needed to change and I know I will be ok in the end. But right now it really hurts.

But, am determined not to drink.

I'm so sorry to hear that finnish I hope you are ok, be kind to yourself. Even when you see it coming the finality is still very painful.

Apologies for brevity of post, extremely tired tonight but I have read them. Still here keeping on after a very tough day cravings wise. Accomplished my three weeks and hoping for a better day tomorrow.

Night all.

Sorry to here that finnish well done for not drinking through it. You're strong .

Oh finnish. I am so sorry to hear this.

Am wondering if I need to see my gp. I have self medicated for so long with alcohol to mask the shite from my part and my current life. and now its gone I wonder if I need some other chemical crutch to help me out

strong and Finnish huge hugs xxx

Thanks for his and support. I know its really wet bit I need them at the moment!

I'm sorry that things are hard for you glad, do you want to talk about it? I think alcohol was a crutch I used to avoid my past (child sexual abuse). I then dealt with that, (emdr is amazing for ptsd) mainly I'm fine about it, but I left the poor coping structures in place!

Sorry! That was a massive overshare there! Nicer to know I can still do that even though its 105 days since I drank any alcohol :)

Hi everyone. Dropped off thread and just catching up now. to lilyBetsy and finnish.

lily I have just been pootling through your lovely blog and read your post about how your Ex treated your DS. You were very very right to finish the relationship. Do hang on to that. Please don't feel guilty about not finishing it years ago- we can only do what we do, and he is gone now.

finnish that was not an overshare. You've done nothing wrong, and you are entitled to support and care just the same as you have been giving to other people on this thread, including me. Post as often as you want.

glad are you okay? I always look out for your posts.

Seems like a lot of us - including me - are going through hard times right now. I don't know if not drinking is making it more difficult (not likely) or just exposing the difficulties that were already there. It's so hard to take a sober look at your life and yourself and not like what you see.

Not an overshare at all finnish

onewhite you're absolutely right. Sobriety is dragging everything to the surface for so many of us it seems.

On a more positive note I think that initial crushing tiredness may be passing. Yesterday I was given the opportunity to have some alone time in the morning and instead of jumping straight back into bed I chose to go for a long walk. I felt like I could have just kept walking through the fields forever (dm was already giving dd lunch by the time I got back)! It was so peaceful and calming. I need to get started with regular exercise.

I think that is what it is doing StrongTea

I think for me, drinking was a pretty childish and selfish way to comfort myself in the face of work stress, anxiety and relationship issues. Now I have stopped, the problems caused by drinking have gone away, but those original problems are still there and I am having to find some adult ways to take charge of my life and deal with them. Part of it is accepting that everyone's life has stress, everyone's relationship has problems and it will take time but hiding in the bottom of a bottle is no longer an option.

I also wonder if when we stop drinking and start to become more awake and aware, it MASSIVELY changes the dynamic of our relationships. I have a sneaking suspicion there's a bit of my DH who preferred me to be shut up in my room drinking myself to unconsciousness every night, because engaging honestly with me is something he finds very difficult. Maybe.

Flowers and coffee and kindness to everyone who is struggling.

I am glad you are getting your mojo back StrongTea.

Good morning everyone

onewhite your post resonates with me (so much) and I think with many of us. For me, I'm facing into the breakdown of my marriage and I strongly suspect that my husband unconsciously preferred the quietly pissed me. I'd given up, the bottle was my friend, my company at night. It numbed the loneliness and pain. It's very raw, trying to live with out it. I feel raw. I recently fell in love with someone I can't have on top of all this. That's unbelievably painful. My husband revealed the level of debt he's in on Friday- it is horrendous.

I hate not drinking - some of the time. The blanket I've been hiding under has been ripped away.
And yet I know that not drinking is the strongest weapon in my artillery right now. That's where I'm at.

I'm not very good at the name checking, but I'm following all your struggles, my heart goes out to each of you. Tough times folks. They really are. Hang in there.

Tough, but better sober.

We are all being so BRAVE. In many ways it is easier to hide and numb ourselves. We're taking the hero's path.

upyer very early on in this thread, or the one before, I said I felt like a baby who has had the blanket taken away, I think. It's just what it is like, isn't it?

We're having growing pains, that's all. We will be okay.

Morning all!

My 2 days of wallowing are over. Today I've packed up (ex)dp's things, and (yet again) started day one of 30 days of yoga.

I love the blanket analogy, I think everyone would have understood if I'd started drinking, but I feel like I've processed this pretty quickly.

Glad, hope you are doing ok, I guess what I was trying to say last night is that for many of us alcohol was a coping mechanism that we no longer find is working.

Koko sober warriors

You go finnish.

I'm enjoying the 30 days of yoga. I found day 3 and 4 lots less challenging than the first two days, so keep at it.