Would you class this as abusive?

[WhatDoYouThinkOfThis]

A wife and mother whose husband is of another culture/language. Both partners are bilingual i.e. speak, read and write the other's language to a very high level. The language of the couple is the wife's language.

Wife/mother does everything she can to prevent the couple's DC from learning the H's language, visiting his country and having contact with his family.

I gave her "reasons" down the thread.

Speaking the language of the country you live in is extremely important.

Speaking the same language as your primary carer is also extremely important.

The father's language should be the third language, but it's up to him to teach it.

Am going to speculate that the W could be English, because of the reference to the family having to pay extra for schooling in the W's language? If so, it makes sense for the DC to learn English well because the language is often used for business etc.

Or the W could be French living in England.

What does the law of the country they live in say about leaving the country with DC on divorce? Perhaps that's her plan!

If the H chooses not to visit his home country with the DC, that's between him, his family and his W.

Speaking the language of the country you live in is only important if you attend local schools and intend to stay rather than move on. What if the family were to be moved (by the father's work) back to his home country?

The reason you gave is that you think she hates the husband - but has anyone actually asked her if this is the case?

Surely if this has been going on pretty much since the DC were born then someone must have asked her directly why she is behaving this way?

My guess was the mum is welsh. First language is English, but children go to a Welsh school. And the dad is spanish/ Turkish/polish or something....

But apparently she isn't Welsh. I would like to know though! Nosy

International law works in divorce - DC stay put in country of residence usually.

What's a normal European country OP?

She hates her H and is horrible to him in many ways, and to his family, that's for sure. She complains about them constantly. They are pretty un exciting, that much is true, but not bad people.

Is she Russian

A normal European country - not Monaco or Liechtenstein or Gibraltar or the Channel Island. A big country with its own mainstream and defined parameters.

Im sorry i cant find where youve posted her reasons. Please can hoy list them again?

why are you so invested in this?

Since you are part of her family and presumably quite close since you get to observe the way she treats her H and his family first hand then why can't you ask her what her motives are?

I've given her motives (hatred of H and his culture). What I am more interested in is whether this type of behaviour is a form of psychological abuse.

I dislike that there is no real answers to questions. However we are being told to say she is abusive because the OP has told us that that's what to think if what she has told us.

Im wondering why you're bothering asking when your mind is already made up

How old are the children?

Has she actually said she hates her husband though? that is the actual reason the wife has given?

She says the kind of awful things people say about others when they hate them about him - she constantly denigrates and vilifies him.

DC are teenagers.

How does she prevent him from speaking his own language?

The biggest problem then is that she hates her husband .

It sounds like you have general concerns that it seems an abusive relationship? (Rather than "just" unhappy)

perhaps if her H is posted elsewhere by his work she intends to refuse to go and stay put with the DC.

It's really impossible to say if it's abusive without knowing why she hates her H

Perhaps he is abusive and she is worried that he will try to get custody of her DC if they split and creating a barrier between her DC and his culture is her way of protecting her own interests

Or perhaps she is an evil birch who only married her H for money but openly despises him

How can we possibly know from the information you have provided??

You have obviously already made your mind up so not sure what you want from this thread to be honest!