Would you class this as abusive?

[WhatDoYouThinkOfThis]

A wife and mother whose husband is of another culture/language. Both partners are bilingual i.e. speak, read and write the other's language to a very high level. The language of the couple is the wife's language.

Wife/mother does everything she can to prevent the couple's DC from learning the H's language, visiting his country and having contact with his family.

In that case then you need to butt out. Are you the MIL?

If the husband wants the children to learn his language and heritage then HE needs to put the hours and effort in to do it. As my husband does with his children, because I have enough to do.

Language is a very personal thing. She needs to ensure they have the skills they need for mainstream society. Which is right.

It would help to know what the languages are?

I agree if he wants his lids to speak his language, he needs to spend time with them and teach them.

If the family are likely to remain in the country where they are currently living then learning the language of that country has to be a priority surely?

Are you a grandparent by any chance?

I think he spends plenty of time with his DC. But the mother has made her language the de facto family language and won't go to his country or let the DC go - she takes them to her country a lot.

No, not a GP.

Are the husband & wife still together or separated/divorced?

If they are still together, what makes you think that the husband is being actively prevented from sharing his language/culture with the DC, rather than just going along with the wife's preferences and perhaps doesn't feel as strongly about this as you seem to think he should?

Are you sure you aren't projecting your own feelings about this on to the husband? (who I assume is your son?)

If she's the one looking after them most of the time and dealing with school stuff then of course they need to speak her language and go to school in her language!

My children go to school in DH's language because we have no other choice, but our home language is English and we speak English at home. Obviously as I'm the one looking after them!

Ridiculous. You need to butt out.

If they were in the uk I would suggest they separate and he applies for a child arrangement order, with trips to his country to be specified as part of the order. Denying the children the chance to be familiar with half their heritage is unacceptable.

I think you possibly are not close enough/too biased to get a clear picture of what is happening.

How does this situation relate to you or you to it?

Either MIL or SIL. Guaranteed.

Surely the language of the country they live in would be required to communicate with people day to day?

I'm a relative of the wife, not the husband.

Yeah right...!

Everyone in our family speaks the H's language and values his culture. We do not understand why the W has turned her DC against it.

So if everybody in the wife's family and in the husband's family speaks this language surely you all could teach the kids?

Please stop saying that she has 'turned them against it.' You are not in the relationship so you DON'T KNOW.

If they spend most of their time with the mother, they will want to speak her language. If they live in a country where another language is spoken, they will want to learn that language.

If they don't live in a country where the husbands language is spoken, and he doesn't speak it with them all the time, why would they be interested? They wouldn't be. Children don't understand the importance of heritage.

Stop blaming the wife.

Of course it's her fault. Everyone in her family and everyone in the H's family speaks both languages except their DC and she is the only adult who, actively and vociferously, does everything she can to prevent the DC learning the H's language. She's not keeping this a secret.

Does she say why?

And what is he doing to ensure that they DO learn the language?? I assume you are all making an active effort to immerse them in it seeing as it's so important to you all?

It won't be important to her. In the nicest possible way - why would it be? It's NOT HER LANGUAGE TO PASS ON.

What is she doing exactly to stop them?

Does no one else ever watch the kids? Surely if everyone else speaks this language they could speak it to the kids?

Yes, everyone is making an active effort but they all get rebuffed - any family member who tries to speak the H's language to the DC gets blacklisted and isn"t allowed to see the DC, or only in a highly controlled way.

There's more to this. Either you aren't telling everything, or you don't know everything. The mother must have a reason for apparently being against an entire culture. Without knowing the reasons, we can't say if it's abusive, but it sounds like a very strange setup.

I think the mother may have some kind of personality disorder.

any family member who tries to speak the H's language to the DC gets blacklisted and isn"t allowed to see the DC

Really?

So his entire family and her entire family are 'blacklisted' and the children see no one but her?

Well, either she's some kind of psychopath, OR you are being economical with the truth.

I know which I think.

Oh and just own up who you are already. It's obvious you're from his family and you fucking hate the poor woman.