I'm starting to hate men

[Mamaka]

I've noticed recently that I've become more and more anti men - I think since having my first child. So many factors that I could mention and probably many deep rooted issues contributing to this but the long and short of it is why do women have to suffer and sacrifice at every turn?!

I don't really want to feel like this. I have a son who I want to bring up/am bringing up to be a feminist but I'm worried about how my hateful feelings towards men are going to rub off on my dc.

I suppose I am asking if there is a way I can combat these feelings and start to feel more positively towards them.

I think gender norms are restrictive; and harm women more than men. But the most destructive and controlling person, very anti-men too, was my mother. Not helpful in life.

Respect for each other and healthy boundaries would have been a more helpful approach, regardless of sex. I don't hate all men - too exhausting, but I also don't think women are automatically fairer and kinder human beings either.

Very true cocoabutton and everyone who has said women are not always kinder. And this isn't just about unkind, abusive men. It's about entitlement, laziness, sexist jokes, gender prescribed roles, objectifying women, lack of empathy or respect, the list goes on.

Maybe I need to find some good feminist men, they don't exist in my world at the moment so my view on men is pretty bleak.

I find this thread really disturbing. Both because it is so obviously wrong to automatically hate someone based on a preconception, and because it must be so difficult to live with the constant feeling of hating half the population.

I don't know what to say to you, OP. Just that you are wrong. So obviously wrong, to me. I don't know how to even start explaining it.

I don't hate all men at all but my bad experiences with them far, FAR outweigh the good...maybe I've just been around the wrong men

But you must have had bad experiences with women too?

Lots of people have a shitty character. It's not predestined at birth.

I do find this incredibly shocking. It seems like the most unfair, if brutally honest, prejudice I've ever heard. How can you hate someone just because they aren't a woman?

Dilberry I don't really know where to start tbh!

This thread is so so sad. The most loving and supportive human beings in my life have been men. Mainly my lovely dad, my wonderful FIL and now my fantastic DH. Although I love my mum and sister, they have never displayed the kind of solid, warm, unjudging support I have had from the men closest to me.

That doesn't mean I hate women though - I have great female friends and daughters. I think it is so so weird to judge a whole group on the basis of the ones you have encountered. Like american's who say all blacks are criminals, because there is so much black crime. Or people who say all jews love money and are bankers. It is just a terrible way to live and think.

I don't know what to say OP, I find prejudiced people being parents a really upsetting thought, but I guess it is the reality of the world. Please try and self reflect and really consider where your blinkered thinking takes you.

You might want to give MN a break for a bit.

Men commit 85% of all crime. 90% of murders are committed by men. 95% of sexual crimes are by men.

I don't like men much either. I'm sad today about my separation but I'm also angry that it came about because he never bothered to care about me and also that things will be so much easier for him than for me.

I don't like my friends' husbands / partners (in general). I find them boring and annoying. Many of my friends are in denial about how much work they do relative to their man.

The odd one is lovely and those ones make me feel filled with so much pain at the moment. It is so rare and precious for a woman to be with a man who is really good for her and when I see evidence of that happening it is like a knife in my heart that I, and so many other women, just can't have that. I wish them well, but it's devastating that what is such a normal experience for so many men - having someone loyal, kind, truly listening, really being with them, having their back, laughing at their jokes, respecting them and doing everything they can to make their life nice - is so freakishly rare for women.

I have been in denial so long about the various no-way-the-worst ways that my ex was being shitty to me that I am just devastated now to face it all. It doesn't make it easier to think that I wasn't really happy. It just makes happiness seem ever further out of reach

WTF am I reading? It's freakishly rare for a man to be a decent partner?

You can not be serious

Wow, I'm quite surprised by some of the responses on here but maybe I wasn't clear enough in my op. It's the prejudice against women that I hate. It's not like hating all black people, it's more like black people hating white people (the oppressed hating the oppressor). Still wrong but more understandable no?

Hating men is entirely rational in a patriarchy

sorry I disagree.

If they don't want to be tarred with that brush, they are welcome to abolish patriarchy

who are they? please explain more and be more specific.

A little boy should grow up with a mother who is optimistic enough to believe that he can be a decent human being, but if his mother thinks that men in general are okay, then she isn't able to see through the patriarchal brainwashing, and will likely not be able to discourage male entitlement and other undesirable traits in her son

what utter twaddle... your views are extreme, they aren't rational or normal. All children should be brought up equally no matter they are boy or girl. unfortunately there seems to be many woman who have skewed views of the world, as mentioned on here several time, who harm their children with these views - that's criminal - these people are mentally abusing their children. how sad for the many boys and girls that will have twisted views forced upon them which will harm them for life...

I wish them well, but it's devastating that what is such a normal experience for so many men - having someone loyal, kind, truly listening, really being with them, having their back, laughing at their jokes, respecting them and doing everything they can to make their life nice - is so freakishly rare for women.

This is nonsense on stilts. You really believe all women treat their partners like that? As if! A great marriage is a wondrous thing, no doubt, but both men and women can be selfish and faithless partners.

I don't think it is OK for black people to hate all whites, it takes us all nowhere when we all hate each other. Look at Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela - they certainly weren't giving permission to hate any group of people. Prejudice is wrong and it is a terrible lesson to teach your children.

This is nonsense on stilts.

No it isn't. It's her reality and experience that's she's living at the moment, who are you, some random on the Internet to deny it as nonsense. It's my experience too. Lucky you that it isn't yours but I wouldn't dream of telling you that your experience is nonsense.

Why is everyone getting their knickers in a twist and mentioning things like mental abuse?! In the op I said clearly I don't want to feel like this and how can I combat it.

Did anybody read the op?

Sorry sweeping statement, some people have read the op and even offered advice, thanks.

Everyone else is obviously living a lovely life with absolutely no institutionalised sexism whatsoever.

'Everyone else is obviously living a lovely life with absolutely no institutionalised sexism whatsoever.'

Is it really rational to claim that everyone who doesn't share your, frankly, very extreme view has never experienced sexism?

I don't have an extreme view. I am trying to combat some difficult negative feelings and I am being called prejudiced, irrational and abusive.

Maudlin, I can really relate to your first post for you

Interesting that I posted the same thread in feminism and they don't think I'm extreme or abusive there.

I've felt like this at times but you can't dislike and distrust half the population. I've endured every type of abuse from men. Some men are cunts, some aren't. Ditto women. That really is the bottom line. There are more good men than bad out there.

I have a son and occasionally worry but it's irrational, plenty of daughters will grow up to treat their partners/men like shit.

I don't understand. I thought you were seeking help to deal with a prejudice you knew was damaging and wrong. Now it sounds like you just want validation to justify your prejudice. Which is it?