On the other side - in a lovely comfy bed (first night!). Massive thank you MN. [flowers]

[myownperson]

I have posted as many names, most recently Stuckinamoment1 and UpDownUpDown. I have posted for many months.

I have left. Tonight is my first night in my new home.

It feels a bit unreal.

But.... here I am as planned in my new house in my very very very comfy bed with crisp new bedclothes, and drinking a glass of wine. I cannot tell you how deliciously comfortable my bed is.

DC are asleep in new rooms.

I deregistered less than a week ago to force myself to deal with my life. I had amazing advice and support here but had got in a rut of constant panics and second thoughts. I didn't know when, how or even if I was really going to leave. I felt like I might just give up altogether.

But everything just somehow fell into place. An amazing counsellor sat with me and made a step by step practical plan for today. And reinforced what I'd been told here - to try and stop analysing for now and focus on leaving. At the end of the session she said "See you on the other side". I still didn't believe I'd do it.

But here I am. Somehow I found the bit of courage I'd been missing. The best way I can describe my feelings is FINE. I am genuinely fine. I don't feel any extremes. A little bits of lots of things but no panic. I know there are likely to be ups and downs to come but I know I can do it.

There are so many lovely MNers to thank. You've been amazing. Advice has been spot on.

I have a lot of work to do to make a new life for myself. And to make things ok for DC. But others before me have done it and I will too.

embarrassing bad mood rant

It's ok I can't find it. I didn't realise how much chat there was.

My goodness the claws were out on that other thread, weren't they? Jeesh!!!

It's always good to remember to 'walk a mile in my moccasins' before criticizing, but people just don't seem to remember that, do they? But I tend to find the most vocal or nasty are the most insecure and unhappy. Why else would they have to defend their positions so hard? Simple, to justify to themselves that staying where they are is better than (as you are doing) voyaging out into the 'great unknown' in search of real happiness.

Hi Shandybass just wondering how you are doing?

Hi myown. Thanks for asking. I'm still here. A little closer to the end/beginning in that I will have some money coming to me in a month or so and so feel I can look around for somewhere to move to. I'm relieved and scared at the thought of coming out, it's safer here but I just can't keep up the pretence of a happy marriage. I can't get your Op message out of my head though. That first free night!!
How are you miss? I know it's a roller coaster ride.

Shandy. Im glad my opening post still helps.

The wobbles and ups and downs continue, I've have a few very tough moments recently - But throughout it all home has not lost that feeling. It remains a santuary. A place where I am OK.

It feels like I'm all over the place but my home is my constant.

Glad to hear you have some means of getting your own place soon.