I've met someone and I don't know how to finish this title.

[ProfessorPickles]

I apologise for the terrible thread title, but I didn't have a clue what to go with and could no longer ask your advice
I still like train edition but didn't want to use it incase it's terrible, which it probably is.

So here we are, part three of the 'I've met someone' saga.
The first thread was very positive and exciting, the second was mostly negative for all of us and here we are starting the third!

Let's make it a good one!

I have the kind of brain that dwells on things without my permission or intention, as it were! Can be useful when thinking though a problem (say, finances) but when it comes to affairs of the heart, not so much!

Oh dear exclamation marks featuring a lot

Only three exclamation marks Silvery!!!

I'm a people pleaser and an emotive person who has learned to conceal those emotions with those I am willing to please. I'm also far too kind. None of this bodes well for respecting myself in a relationship.

I cannot believe how low I feel today. This is ridiculous.

Is some of this mixed up with how your marriage was? Remember how much more assertive you were with Ex when you last met.

I do have a stategy for detaching somewhat from dwelling - I let my mind off the leash, as it were, for a run around, keeping an eye on it, and calling it back when I need it. I have learnt, also, to trust my processing, painful though it may be at the time.

in case this metaphor is not clear - the running around is the dwelling, I'm aware of it, but in a different and better way.

I've just had my older brother on the 'phone who said to me "a man who said it's whatever you decide" is just not into you. Drop him. Life's too short.

Silvery, so you trust the process and don't fight against the pain, then?

I was married to a narcissist and learned to walk on eggshells unwittingly. I'm a complex kind of person who seeks simplicity in life. In my head B was simplicity. A fling. A down to earth man. No strings attached. How wrong could I be?

How to I detach myself from my feelings for him? I have to accept the pain, first instead of fighting against it?

Yes, just accept that you are a human being, and a lovely one at that, this is all part of being human (I drink tea contantly, and have made an extra one for you)

BTW your brother's opinion is based on his own model of the world. People are different.

Thank you so much Silvery. Goodness, your words provoked the first smile in my day. How wonderful it is to life after an entire twenty four hours of feeling bereft. I love tea and coffee so the extra cup is much appreciated.

How are you today?

Hey This, I've just come to see how you are doing?
I'd just like to say that I agree with PussyCat and that is just your brothers opinion. B could've been worried he was reading your signals wrong and was afraid to say what he thought incase he embarrassed himself.

I hope you are ok

Oh Prof, how lovely to see you! I'm feeling crap.

What's your brother like with women This? Is he quite confident and direct? If so I can see why he would come to that conclusion but one person's 'not interested' response can be remarkably similar to another's 'so interested it terrifies me' response. I have certainly been guilty of giving off 'cold' vibes to someone I actually really cared about, because I couldn't really deal with how I was feeling.

The thing is, no one knows except B do they. Although I suspect the owner's wife knows more than she lets on.

Going in on Monday and being direct is the only thing that is going to bring you some peace I think, whichever way it goes.

If I am honest I would be worried that his whole hot/cold thing might be a recipe for heart ache long term though.

Muddle, quite the opposite! My brother, who is 55 and single, has been for years, always ends up in complicated relationships. He is a highly intelligent, gifted and complicated man. Extremely difficult to live but with a heart of gold. I adore him but could NEVER with him. He's reached an age where he has no patience for time wasters.

I agree with the hot/cold thing but I have only ever wanted a fling with B! This is the irony. A simple, lighthearted bit of fun could have been so good for both of us but we have both managed to complicate things beyond belief. Thursday I was over the moon; progress was being made. We were open with each other, affectionate, he was motivated. Friday? Quite the opposite.

I like you being honest Muddle.

I'm coming out of the fog a little, friends.

I'm going to be heading off to bed soon, friends. I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to PGtips, Muddle, Crazy, Silvery, Prof, etc. for your amazing support during this dark day. You are all fabulous and I hope you've had a much better day than mine.

xxx

My very rational 20 year old has just made things a lot clearer and I almost fell foolish for not seeing this. I never talk about this with out of respect but she insisted.

I recounted the "c'est comme tu veux" dialogue (aka piss poor communication) to her and she said "where on earth is the problem? Poor guy! You're always misinterpreting and seeing rejection!" She went on to say that when i asked him what we were doing about Monday he replied most likely with the best intentions "whatever suits you best" or "whatever you wish" ie 7pm my place or 6pm for a drink. He was letting me know that whatever I wanted would be fine by him.

And yes my daughter gave me a lecture about sabotaging.

Ah so it sounds like it may be you that jumped to conclusions and became defensive?? I can completely understand why, it is such a vulnerable position to put yourself in when you're opening up to someone. Do not feel foolish

Clearly your 20 year old could see it from another angle!

Let's hope you can clear things up on Monday between the two of you!

I was out visiting my DD (25) this afternoon :) Sounds like you've got a good 'un :)

Thank you Prof. Go on, tell me how you are!

She's amazing Silvery! Hugely bright, talented and stunning too. Imagine long wavy auburn hair, green eyes and a top model figure. Lucky lass! Her logical mind cuts through a lot of dross.

You must be very proud of her This! She sounds lovely

I'm quite good thank you, me and graphics man have been messaging all day long while he's on holiday in a nice chatty way. It's been nice, I'm feeling quite confident about it all now if I'm honest! I wouldn't like to jinx it though.

Let's hope you'll be feeling back to your confident self on Monday!!

I'm so glad Prof! I'm so happy for you!

This - sigh- so I've just read it, I said EXACTLY the same to you last night! After you explained that you never mentioned to him that he's not to come to your house, it was obvious he was planning to still, and was waiting more more direction from you as to time or whatever - instead you asked him whether he'll bew too tired and said to forget it - poor guy (which I said as well) is now blaming himself for telling you he would be tired. But to him it probably sounded like yo've changed your mind.

Prof, so did I miss it that he lives far away from you? good thing he's in contact - very important, maybe he is indeed just nervous and inexperienced!