I've met someone and I don't know how to finish this title.

[ProfessorPickles]

I apologise for the terrible thread title, but I didn't have a clue what to go with and could no longer ask your advice
I still like train edition but didn't want to use it incase it's terrible, which it probably is.

So here we are, part three of the 'I've met someone' saga.
The first thread was very positive and exciting, the second was mostly negative for all of us and here we are starting the third!

Let's make it a good one!

To answer PGtips last question. We were in a communication deadlock so not much opportunity for deep eye contact, etc. He was looking me straight in the eyes. Possibly smiling a bit but I can't remember as I was in such a state as I could see the whole thing going horribly wrong. He was clear, adamant, not particularly warm. He was sharing how tiring the weekend would be but that wasn't a reason not to see me on Monday.

I assumed because he had jumped to the conclusion that it was help that I needed he wasn't up for anything else. He was setting limits so as not to get my hopes up. This may or may not be the case, obviously.

What rattled me PGtips was first he left (as he always does) without saying goodbye after finishing the job or seeking confirmation about Monday. (Perhaps Monday evening was a foregone conclusion for him after yesterday?) When I asked him if he'd be too tired (self sabotaging, again) he looked tired just at the thought of how tiring the weekend would be iyswim so I thought he didn't look very enthusiastic, unlike yesterday, about the thought of coming round.

yes this sounds quite good - not warm as such but not detached or 'not too bothered' - I don't quite see then why wre you in a state if he sounded adamant and was looking you in the eye etc. What was missing there? something was, obviously,

cross posted - yes yo should not have asked if he'd be tired, what for? almost like you were finding an excuse to cancel. And yes, now it transpires you didn't actually tell him not to come over to your house - he thought he were doing that so didn't ask. Or did you say anything yesterday about his suggestion? I thought you declined originally - or at least said you will confirm?

My decision is that I am going to tell him how I feel. I won't be gushy. I probably will look at my feet and talk nervously Silvery!

Crazy, your question is such a good one. Why do I sabotage? Oh God, I don't even realise I'm doing it. That sounds pathetic but it's true. Friends keep telling me I'm spoiling things and I don't even see how until they explain it.

I didn't decline. He suggested coming round. I was thinking out loud and said, almost to myself, 'I'm going to be in town on Monday afternoon'.

But that was all. And then the boss arrives.

Honestly, have I made up this whole attraction thing? Is he completely indifferent to me? Crazy is right. When he's at work he is stressed and grumpy or at least proactive and closed.

sabotaging is just self-protection, fear of getting close to someone - fwiw lots of men do it, probably B too to an extent (with his moods)! it's fine because you can salvage it on monday easily.
I think even if you didn't actually tell him how you feel, it would come across anyway if you go for a drink and have a cosy chat and you thanking him emotionally which could turn into some charged atmosphere -also I'm sure the vibes will tell you both a lot when you aer there just the two of you and having a drink which helps!

sounds like he thought he was coming round - just saying you will be in town seems not to be connected to anything. why or why didn't you give him your number? but anjyway if boss arrived maybe you couldn't not just didn't want to. As I say, it can all be salvaged on monday.

Well that was what I was hoping for/imagining PGtips. A relaxed drink, just the two of us, seeing how things went. Letting things happen, or not, of course. I was pretty confident that things would happen.

Of course you can't know but how do you think he reacted to my clear frustration and flouncing of in a cloud of dust? My problem is that I think sabotaging equals THE END. Is that necessarily the case?

He listens to me when I speak. Everything I tell him he takes in.

he probably didn't understand what was it you wanted for himn to say or why were you getting annoyed, probably felt bad after that. Of course he did with the 'forget it'. Otoh it showed emotion - so maybe he is geting the idea now that you have feelings. No it's not the end if you come iin on monday and steady it all back on course!
Have to go now, good night This. Will be back tomorrow night.

..and maybe he did think he should not have said he'd be tired.

Good night and many thanks PGtips I recall that he said that being tired wouldn't be a problem.

Now don't start agonising over his hypothetical reaction to what happened!

I agree with PGTips, this can be salvaged (or at the v least clarified) on Monday. I would suggest a tiny amount of prep - write down for yourself your outcomes - the ones that are in your control, that is. By the end of your next convo with him, what will you have told him? Your plans to stay, your phone number, your wish to go out for a drink with him, the nice things you wanted to let him know about himself?

I am so sorry I fell asleep - but would have said no different to watch PG and Silvery said - go back on Monday and give him your number! Don't over think this now xxx

Thank you Crazy.

I feel so low today and am berating myself for being so dependent on this man for my happiness. That's not what I'm about. And yes, I'm annoyed with myself for messing things up yesterday and not even realising I was doing it. And yes, I'm equally infuriated with him for being such a bad communicator at times.

Of course I'm left wondering whether he feels the slightest attraction for me.

I wish I could stop FEELING all this. It hurts more than it should.

Ooohhh This if I had a magic wand to take the pain away I would do it in an instant!

And I really do not think you are dependant on him for your happiness... that's what the children are for

It will be okay.... we need to lift you out of the funk! What is the plan for today?? I hope it involves drinking lots of water and maybe a good walk??

Hello and thank you Crazy.

First things first, how are YOU?

I'm going to go swimming. I will drink lots of water, yes!

I cannot understand why I am attaching so much importance to another human being whom I barely know.

The most important thing is that I become clear with myself. So, perhaps for the last time, I will have to take myself to the garage on Monday (this is really getting stale) so that he can fix the problem which he didn't fix yesterday. I will ask him to come over on Monday evening and I will tell him how I've been feeling. I do NOT expect him to respond in any particular particular way. That's up to him. I am not divulging these feelings to have an effect on him. I just need to be clear.

Yes! I am super pleased by this response. You will feel so much better once this is all out of your head on Monday.

I am fine - having a lazy day with my daughter as she is full of the cold bug. I am due to go to the cinema later with my friend (ex who wants to get back together) and I am struggling because he is such a dickhead at times - morally we do not align and I wonder why we are friends at all

You will be find - I feel a little bad as you probably didn't need everyone telling you that you'd messed up a bit! So this weekend we are going to focus on the positives - it may have forced the confrontation that you need to get it all out!

I think that sounds like a perfect plan This, I think he will glad to have that conversation too, I imagine it's on his mind as well as yours.

Swimming is good for refreshing both mind and body.

Crazy, I DID need to hear that I'd messed it up. I'm really glad you told me. It wouldn't be right to cover it up and pretend otherwise. It is hard for me to realise that I'm doing it when I'm doing it. But honestly, he was being such a pain as well with his (seemingly) non-committal communication. I just don't know what to make of him.

And yet, surely a guy that jumps at the chance of helping you out, or coming round without knowing why you are asking to see him must surely be a little interested at least, no? Am I nuts here?

Thank you Muddle for popping in. I have often found your rational mindset very helpful. So, do not hesitate to write how you really feel about this if you have the inclination to do so.

Crazy are you looking forward to seeing your ex in any way?

Lol - I am more looking forward to the cinema tbh - it's such a lovely cinema with huge reclining seats and a bar..... lol

He isn't all bad, just a bit of a pain but some things he does just makes me thing "what a childish moron"

I love being single!

And I do think he is interested - I think he is shy and cautious. I look forward to a positive ending on Monday.... once we teach you the art of biting your tongue

I love being single too Crazy but cannot believe how happy or sad I feel as a result of B.

Whilst I am grateful for having felt this level of attraction again, I wish I could disentangle myself from it and feel the easiness of being single again. It could have been an easy and lighthearted thing but our appalling communication, and perhaps fear of getting hurt, have sabotaged something potentially sweet.

I have always found it hard to feel the broad gamut of emotions when going out with somebody. As soon as there's any potential for negative I want out.

Oh dear.

You say he is shy and cautious. He certainly is, yes, but there's a part of non-caring as well at times, I think. I'm sure the fact he's full on at work and outside of work helps him not to dwell on things too much. My trouble is that I dwell too much.

Hopefully this was just a communication blip. Monday will come and with it the chance to get things clear between you. And go forward from that.

I know just what you mean about dwelling too much .

So, you're a dweller too Silvery?