Help- on holiday and DP has just told me he has been having a 6 month affair

[Notgoingtobeamug]

Well, just that really.

DP of 14 years has been having an affair for 6 months with a 25 year old (13 years his junior). We have a 2 year old DS.

He told me he had a friend that he had met for coffee a few times but they were just friends blah blah blah. Stupidly I believed him. Now it's all come out. He has form for staying out all night- I thought he had a drinking problem but turns out he has been shagging someone else. He even took our DS to meet her one time. He told OW that we had split up and all the usual crap.

He says he finished it 2 weeks ago, it's me he wants. She is constantly sending him texts (I've seen them), obviously upset at him breaking things off with her and coming on holiday with me and DS, she is upset we are "back" together.

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in an all inclusive resort in one room with him and DS. I can't even express to him how angry/hurt I am as DS constantly in the room. I can't get any time away from him to think.

My head is spinning, I want to ask questions but the more I find out the more it hurts. I keep on asking about occasions where he said he was somewhere- nope- he was with her.

I am so sorry this has happened to you OP, your husband is an absolute twat. Take care

He well and truly pulled the wool over her eyes and she is furious and wants his lies known.

Take his phone with you and answer any withheld number - you arent going to get the truth from him when his in his little victim bubble.

And if her dad is a gangster and will beat him up, well that's too bad for him. He should have been a bit more careful about cheating.

Only a couple more days to get through OP. You are doing great so far.

I always thought he was out getting drunk or hiding with his depression. He has form for that. He also was spending a lot of his time with his Dad who has cancer but obviously I can't trust that.

I am having massive mood swings. I'm going from calm to raging. I'm making good use of my sunglasses!

DS and I are curled up watching a DVD in the room together, god knows where DP is.

Thank you for all your support

So, you come home tomorrow? What are your plans?

not you can do this. Stay out of his way as much as possible. Switch seats on the plane if you can. Either you sit with ds or make Dh. Maybe you need those 5 hours alone?

in a way I can see why you've not kicked off at him yet. You're on holiday. Ds is oblivious and is having a lovely time. Why ruin it for him as well. Although I'm not sure I could have that sort of strength. I'd probably have blown up then left.

Good luck. Keep talking. You'll get a lot of advice here (some great some not so) but stay strong.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I hope the next few days pass quickly.

What is your RL support like at home?

Gt

Hello lovely. So sorry to read all this shit.

My thoughts are that you've been too good to him. He's a baby with you picking up all of the pieces and letting him off everything. He wants his cake and eat it. And I expect he is only telling you because he has to, it got too hot to hand,e and he wants mummy to make it ok again.

I'd ask him to leave, divorce him have some time off and start again. And get that confidence right back up like the woman you are.

Are you home? How are things OP?

I'm am so sorry you're going through this...I hope you have support when you get home.
Xx

He has form for this behaviour in the past. Well then I wouldn't assume that this depressive period was different. I would assume that this time was exactly the same time as the last times. He was having affairs then too. That's how he "deals" with his depression. Rumpy pumpy with a gullible young woman on the side. Unfortunately this OW, who looked so young and gullible turned out to be a lot smarter and harder than he thought.

You only found out because this time the OW got majorly pissed off when she found out he was still properly married and going off on holiday. She made a serious threat to tell you, which meant he had to act fast to discredit her and protect himself. He had to get in with his minimised story first, where he makes out she is crazy and dangerous, which means you absolutely must not talk to her.

OW sounds like an alright sort of person. God I hope she keeps putting the boot into fuckface for lying to her.

OW's gangster Dad could kill him and that's a bad thing?? Does he have life insurance?
Obviously I'm joking (mainly).
Other posters have said it all but I'd add; don't envy the OW - is life (men) treating her well because of her petite, sim frame, long hair & baby face .... if she's a single Mum at 25 she's already had a relationship/family break implode at a young age and now she's been deceived, used & abused by a married man. Don't make the mistake of thinking (and putting yourself down thinking it) that she's better cause she's younger, slimmer etc.

(slim frame)

Edit: attached man, but amounts to the same thing.