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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help- on holiday and DP has just told me he has been having a 6 month affair

114 replies

Notgoingtobeamug · 23/06/2016 15:49

Well, just that really.

DP of 14 years has been having an affair for 6 months with a 25 year old (13 years his junior). We have a 2 year old DS.

He told me he had a friend that he had met for coffee a few times but they were just friends blah blah blah. Stupidly I believed him. Now it's all come out. He has form for staying out all night- I thought he had a drinking problem but turns out he has been shagging someone else. He even took our DS to meet her one time. He told OW that we had split up and all the usual crap.

He says he finished it 2 weeks ago, it's me he wants. She is constantly sending him texts (I've seen them), obviously upset at him breaking things off with her and coming on holiday with me and DS, she is upset we are "back" together.

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in an all inclusive resort in one room with him and DS. I can't even express to him how angry/hurt I am as DS constantly in the room. I can't get any time away from him to think.

My head is spinning, I want to ask questions but the more I find out the more it hurts. I keep on asking about occasions where he said he was somewhere- nope- he was with her.

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 23/06/2016 16:17

I'm so sorry OP.

WTF is he still letting the OW text him? Why hasn't he blocked her?

A PP says he'll cheat again because he has once. She can't possibly know so ignore that.

You need to decide what you want now and what he needs to do to make your life easy as possible in these horrible circumstances.

Can you sleep with ds and shove h in the single bed?

ineedwine99 · 23/06/2016 16:21

So sorry OP Flowers
Wish i had some advice, a friend is going through the same thing (without a child involved)
Hope you have someone you can talk to

CheesyWeez · 23/06/2016 16:22

Text the OW back, she can pay his flight home today and keep him. Take your house keys off him before he goes. So mean of him! I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

LyndaNotLinda · 23/06/2016 16:23

If you were my friend/sister, I'd totally lend you the cash to fly home.

BlueLeopard · 23/06/2016 16:23

He's a cunt love.

Just like Tribpot says, he told you when you were effectively trapped and isolated from any funds or support network.

Tell him to sleep on a sunlounger for the next couple of nights and not to come near you. When you get home you can chuck him out so you have the headspace to process this.
What a prick.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 23/06/2016 16:24

What an arse your 'D'P is. So sorry you're going through this NotGoing Flowers

Have a word with your rep and see if they can sort out another room or at least one of those family rooms with a divider so that you don't have to share a bed with him.

rollysuitcase · 23/06/2016 16:25

oh right, x post (ish) you cant go home. can you take turns to take ds out? is there a sofa in the room? id def explain your circumstances to the hotel and see if they have a spare room. dignity not lost because you never has to be at this resort again/ face people here again.

was he drunk when he told you? do you think he planned to tell you (waking up in the middle of the night to tell you changes things by very little but id assumed he'd told you in the day). why did he tell you now?

god, you must be beside yourself.

sorry, no advice from me but support here.

rwilkinson84 · 23/06/2016 16:28

What. a. prick.

Agree with previous posters I think the timing for telling you this has been so you don't have anywhere to go and he'll be able to talk you round.

You're at an all inclusive resort - does it have a spa? If so, get down there and get a good, long treatment…and put it on DH card. Get yourself some space. If that means he has to sleep on a sun lounger then by all means that's what he's going to have to do.

Have you told your family or anyone at home OP? I can't image anyone would mind lending you the money to get back home earlier with your DS.

Stay strong and kick him to the curb.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 23/06/2016 16:30

send the fucker home for a start, or come home yourself. you cant stay with him in a strange environment, its torture! Oh OP Flowers

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 23/06/2016 16:30

Well he's got some brass neck, I'll give him that! Not only carrying on a 6 month affair behind your back, taking your child to meet his mistress and play happy families but then waiting until you're abroad (and essentially stuck with him for a week) to "unburden" himself?! He's done it this way in the hope that you calm down before you return and don't tell everyone what a shit head he his ( and also to talk you round, as you're not going to get any time/space to think things through on your own ).

Flowers for you.

leopardspice · 23/06/2016 16:31

How awful!!!!!!! Op I'm so sorry this has happened to you and ds Flowers

One of my closest friends went on a luxury all Inc with her dp to Mexico....he dumped her half way though the holiday...what's the PROBLEM with these idiots Angry

Please phone a friend or family member and see if they can help you out. And when you get HOME LTB

tribpot · 23/06/2016 16:31

There must be a pool? Tell him to go an d hang out down there. Could your parents help with the cost of another room?

neonrainbow · 23/06/2016 16:34

What a bastard!

Orchidflower1 · 23/06/2016 16:37

So sad you're going through this and even worse on hol. Can you get some family/ friends to loan you moany for earlier flight- even if you don't want to tell them exactly why yet?
Can you see hotel ask for room for dp or ask him to go to other hotel/ sleep in bath/ patio?

Lookatyourwatchnow · 23/06/2016 16:37

What a cruel bastard, I am furious on your behalf OP. I had a similar experience and I just had to fly home, it's the pretending for your DS and being trapped with him that will cause the most agony for you between now and Sunday. Can family help you out with the fare?

Viewofhedges · 23/06/2016 16:41

This is awful. Flowers

Please do go and speak to the hotel staff or to your rep if you have one. The earlier poster was right, you'll never have to see them again - but if they can give you (or him) a spare room for a few nights that's got to help. They might also be able to get you access to phone or email if you don't already have that to get in touch with someone back home. I am sure anyone with a heart would only want to help you.

As with everyone else on here, huge support. Keep your held held high, he has been an idiot. You are being strong and amazing.

adora1 · 23/06/2016 16:42

If its not enough he's got the OW calling him on his phone, why did he not block her when he chose you - friggin joke that is like, he's an absolute cunt of a man.

He's told you in a foreign country with your son in the hope he can:

  1. talk you round, it will be all `her` fault for chasing him or
  2. you can't really go ballistic in front of your child

Not one reason has been for you, it's still all about him, he's disgusting.

FreeFromHarm · 23/06/2016 16:46

OP, I agree with Pink and others, get yourself safely home and expedite his belongings from the property and file for divorce, he will say anything to say ' he wants you', cannot believe he let her meet your DS, similar happened to me, but I was pregnant at the time.
Block him out , I know you are raw, just get out , took me years to have the courage, but you are now calling the shots, you Do not believe a word he says ok !!!
It is true, once a cheat... so sorry xx

TheNaze73 · 23/06/2016 16:49

The other reason to all that others have mentioned, IMO is that he was on the verge of having someone else spill the beans....

Whatever the reason for the cruelty, stay strong OP. And whatever, you do, leave him

ample · 23/06/2016 16:49

Cheats on you and then drops the revelation during your family holiday? Nice.
I don't swear that much but what a selfish mindless twat of a twat.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with it on holiday of all places, without your home comforts around you (yes that does make a difference to some people when upset and in shock).
You'll make it through. I wouldn't be at all concerned about making his life easier or comfortable for the remainder of your holiday - or when you return home, when the reality will probably hit you.
Stay strong and I agree, angry is good don't be a doormat Flowers

RockingChairRockingChair · 23/06/2016 16:50

So sorry OP. How cruel of him to dump this on you while you are on holiday.

ImperialBlether · 23/06/2016 16:51

I'd have a phone conversation with the OW, too, and tell her straight what's been going on.

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 23/06/2016 16:52

He's done it whilst on holiday so you have nowhere to run and listen to his crap. How you haven't blown up I don't know. The fact he took your child to meet her is blatant disrespect. I'd be rocking a new set of earrings and he wouldn't be fathering anymore children if I was in your position. What made him suddenly reveal dos she threaten to reveal it all? Why has he suddenly got to reveal his sins. I wouldn't trust him.

ample · 23/06/2016 16:52

Sorry, slight emphasis fail there.
'Don't be a doormat' is correct

3awesomestars · 23/06/2016 16:53

This is an awful situation and I really feel for you. You will be in shock no need time to process what you have been told. Whatever the circumstances this is a horrendous discovery.

In the big scheme of things 3 days is not long, this is going to be a long journey whatever you decide and in the long term you may well appreciate this initial couple of days away from everyone to process your thoughts before you are faced with real life.
I would ask DH to take charge of DS and get as much space and time to yourself as you possibly can, you don't need to do anything just take time for yourself to think, he will respect this if he truly cares about you like he says he does. You have to think about yourself, just now and he should support you.
Once you get home you can start thinking about the future. Many people come back from this, many don't, each case is different and NOONE can tell you what they would do until they find themselves in this situation (although many will) or make the decision for you.
Take care of yourself x