Partner is always horrible to me when I'm ill

[CopperPot]

Awful cold, cough, banging headache and fevdr for 3 days now. Plus my period just started and toddler and 6 month old to watch.

He says it's because of the way I talk to him- i got annoyed at him slamming stuff yesterday when I asked him to hold baby while I made breakfast for toddler and made bottles up. And that he's not a mind reader- how would he know to make me a tea/snack/bring Meds?

I'm just tired of it and feel even worse now. Anyone else have a partner who hates it when you're ill?

Was there any alcohol or drugs involved?

Not physically. He's always saying we should hit ds as he doesn't listen and can be annoying- he's 3 ffs they're meant to be annoying and push boundaries. He just has no idea. We have completely opposite parenting styles

You don't have to drag the DCs out. Call the police and have this lunatic removed from your house

Just ring the police for gods sake why are you protecting this violent man? Are you more worried youll get in trouble for kicking him?

copper..this is truly horrendous to read.....whilst l am sorry you are going through this...why are you not so livid you have phoned the police and got him removed....... he PUNCHED YOUR LITTLE BOY..l would kill anyone who hurt my dc like that.

Stop making excuses and take some action!

Either get him removed tonight or sort some accomodation, a local b and b, pack your bags, pack up any documents you can get hold of , take out as much money as you can get your hands on, and GO before anything else happens.

You are now leaving a vulnerable toddler and baby in a dangerous situation, with a violent man.

Copper have you got any close friends or family who,would come over and be with you while you phone the police. I understand it might be hard to make that phone call but it's your duty to protect your son.

I'm not protecting myself when I say a shit storm for me because I kicked him. I didn't even think of that. I meant SS being all over me and the kids for years to come. I'd have to deal with that not P

Is it not better to have SS supporting you and being on your side rather than staying with a violent man? One who would punch a toddler?

Because I can guarantee you SS takes a much dimmer view of that than you proactively protecting your family.

I doubt they'd be all over you once the problem of your partner is removed. Don't protect him.

Why are you protecting him. He is like a 3rd violent child who will never grow up. Don't swallow the lie that single parenthood is a fail state. You've cancelled the wedding now do the rest.

It will be much better for you to actively seek out SS - they will not let HIM have the children!

Please get him removed from the house

Would you call the police if a stranger in the street punched your three year old?

I would say yes, so why would you let his Father do that and not call them?

I'm still leaving him. Tomorrow is my 30th birthday and I'll be with all my friends and family hiding this shit. Every birthday in my life has been shit due to abusive stepfather growing up and then P took over that role. P is uninvited.

I'm going to call my friend and talk. I spoke to my sister last night and she said this is the final straw. She was livid. My mum minimised as she did with stepdad our whole childhoods. My dad is meant to be coming over. I want to tell him

Ds wet himself last night. Which isn't too unusual but it might be be due to what happened. P trying to talk to me but I'm ignoring him.

My friend offered to come over but p works from home so is always here.

I think I'm going to start looking for somewhere to rent and get P to sign the lease and get him to pay the rent.

We own a house but it's in his name. I have 50k in it though so I'm going to discuss selling it and giving me back my share so I can move on. I do want to report it because I will need help with custody.

I'm sahm due to my business closing. So can't pay a mortgage.

He will also need supervised visitation as he had made his intentions of being physical with your DS going forward very clear.

Please investigate what needs to be reported for those to take place.

Otherwise he will have unsupervised weekends and your son will come back on Monday morning with bruises.

You need to see a lawyer. Please be careful. Men like this can become far far worse when they think you're going to leave.

OP have you talked to Women's Aid about this? They will give you really useful, supportive information. You really need to be well equipped for the next steps. You can ring them for free 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247. If you do use their website remember to use the 'cover your tracks' button at the top right so he doesn't know.

So when you don't report it to the police and he gets 50/50 residency, what then? You're putting an easier life for yourself above your childs safety.

I really hope you can find better love out there, that's no way to live.

Can I report it without them coming round?

Just ring your local station and say you need to report an assault against your 3 year old but need to do it at the actual station as the perpetrator is still in the house and will not leave.

thefederalist.com/2014/10/22/seriously-buzzfeed-defending-mothers-who-enable-child-abuse/

OP I really, really feel for you. But please please escalate this as much as you can.

You NEED to report it, especially as you are leaving (absolutely the only thing you can and should do), that way he won't get unsupervised access. If he thinks its ok to punch and kick and that your 3 year old needs it, you won't be there to tell him otherwise so it needs reporting to protect him.
Also, it does look better to SS as others have said. You've recognised its not ok, not minimised it and dealt with it correctly.

Good luck i know its not easy

Please tell me you have a legal document protecting that £50k?