Just wanted to post an update for anyone who followed this thread or has read it and wondered what happened.
Sooo...we are still not divorced, I had to serve divorce papers on him twice but he is, as many of you said he would, pretending his business is in trouble and he doesn't have any money to give me. We are going back to court at the end of Feb, I am in a ridiculous amount of debt persuing this but I will get what I am owed and this year is definitely my year.
He had fudged most of his financial paperwork but the latest accounts suggest he earns 9k a month (including 4.5k of unspecified "expenses"). Tax credits and loans from friends and family have saved me. The judge at previous hearings has wiped the floor with his attitude but we have now just sent in official valuers for his company as he says I need to give him 15k to stay in my house because he doesn't have any money.
He ignored the first lot of divorce papers. My friend's husband served the second lot (as would have had to pay £100 for someone else to do it) This friend worked with him and found out a lot of horrible stuff about the full extent of his cheating. Basically he got caught shagging a random girl at his office Christmas party two years before he left us. My friend was not at the party but he got one of his managers to call her team into his office and tell them if she was told that person would get the sack. Nice. Several months after the party the girl he shagged got made redundant. She was by all accounts great at her job.
As soon as my friend found this out she came round to tell me (November 2016) and we arranged for her husband (who is a prison officer and built like a tank) to serve divorce papers on him at their office Christmas party at the start of Dec which they did. My friend had already got another job. I wrote him a letter to go with the papers letting him know I knew what he'd been doing.
He still doesn't have the kids overnight as he has been claiming since then that he lives at his office. (He never did move in with his best mate as I now realize the "mate" was deeply embarrassed about what he'd done and didn't want to be seen to be supporting him).
He's had a new girlfriend since at least September 2016 (probably sooner). I haven't met her but she's nice to my kids. She's 27, he's 41. He takes her along to all family events and has just slotted her in the space where I was apparently. Unsurprisingly I no longer think he's my best friend.
We only communicate via Whatsapp now, whenever we try to talk in person he manipulates the conversation.
On the upside though I am so much happier now, really. I have changed the house to look much more me, I have changed the locks and got rid of most of his stuff. I am seeing a gorgeous man who makes me feel great about myself, is completely my equal and is my age with two boys the same age as my sons. I got a new job so I could claim tax credits and that has worked out really well. I am now awesome at tackling all sorts of day to day crap he used to say I was too stupid to understand such as I chose a new fridge freezer and got myself some car finance after the old banger he got me finally gave up the ghost.
It has been hard and continues to be difficult in many ways, but I am stronger and mightier than I have ever been in my life. I feel empowered taking his miserable ass to court to get a fair settlement. My kids see me being in control and making my own decisions and not being stressed and angry and upset.
I am really excited for the future. True, I will still have to deal with this idiot I married until my youngest turns 18 but I am not sad about our relationship being over any more. I know now what I am worth and I will never put up with his crap or anyone else's crap ever again.