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Original poster

DS1 now knows that mummy & daddy are going to live in different houses

85 replies

messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 15:09

I was hoping we would both tell him together, but it appears H broke the news last night while I was at a friends house.
DS1 was sent home from school sick today & on the walk home he suddenly said "I know you & daddy are going to live in different houses soon"
I was a bit taken aback & asked who told him, to which he replied "Daddy told me, he said it's because you both want to be rich like nanny & gaggy." (Not sure where that came from!)
I asked how he felt about that idea, & he said "Okay, I will be able to sleep at your house & daddy's"
I am relieved he seems to be taking the news quite well, as I was worrying a lot about this, but I feel a bit angry that H didn't let me know he was going to do this.

OP posts:
Dinosaur · 19/01/2007 15:10

I completely understand your mixture of relief and anger.

LucyJones · 19/01/2007 15:10

"a bit angry"
I would be fuming
Although admittedly that reaction doesn't help anyone. I guess you have to think what's done is done and keep reassuring your ds that everything will be okay

Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 15:11

I have reassured him that we both still love him & that he will spend lots of time with us both, even though we are not all going to be living together.
He seems to be accepting it quite well atm.

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Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 15:14

Can't believe H did this without talking to me about it first.

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Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 15:26

He still hasn't told his own mother. He says it will upset her too much & he is going to wait until I have moved into my own house before he does this!
I personally think that's awful & will upset her more.

OP posts:
Dinosaur · 19/01/2007 15:27

God, he is such an emotional fuckwit, isn't he.

It is very out of order for him to speak to the boys without you.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 15:29

I feel pretty angry about it, dinosaur. I am pleased that DS1 seems to be accepting the news okay, but I really wanted to be around when they were told.

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Dinosaur · 19/01/2007 15:30

Are you going to take it up with H?

Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 15:32

Oh yes, as soon as I see him!!

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Caribbeanqueen · 19/01/2007 15:33

Jesus, what an idiot, I'm not surprised you are angry. As soon as I read that I thought how come he can tell ds but not his own mother.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 15:36

I know! I just don't understand how H's head works at times.

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kando · 19/01/2007 15:40

Probably best not to even try to work out what goes on in there, MoM! I'm on your behalf that he told your DS without discussing it with you first, but have to say it doesn't surprise me - probably trying to get "one over" on you. Silly tw*t. Glad your DS is taking the news well. Have you had any luck finding somewhere suitable yet?

Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 15:45

Have viewed 5 houses now, kando, two of which seemed quite suitable, although one (the one I liked best) was £10k over my limit.

OP posts:
Blu · 19/01/2007 15:49

He is......well he keeps giving you confirmation that you are doing the right thing, doesn't he? What an idiot, and how very very thoughtless.

He was probably terrified that if you told them you would put him in a bad light - that's his enduring fear, isn't it? And to take control of the situation, as per bloody usual. Really, really bad behaviour on his part.

I guess his mother is his problem - you can always writer her a letter explaining and saying you don't want to lose touch as she is the boys grandmother etc.

But it's done...you would have been dreading telling DS..and thankfully, for now, DS isn't reacting badly.

Oooh, I could give your H such a slap. But in reality, i wonder how far it is worth having a big showdown about it?

In a funny kind of way, maybe it is him starting, finally, to take part in the process of separation.

But i am a reckless optimist.

BecauseImWorthIt · 19/01/2007 15:54

Better tell his mother soon if ds already knows - it's the kind of thing that kids let slip without realising.

Maybe you could tell her - to get your own back!

Or is that a bit childish and mean spirited ...

kando · 19/01/2007 15:55

Isn't that always the way, MoM! Fingers crossed something suitable comes up soon for you and the ds's.

Blu · 19/01/2007 15:58

oooh, yes, DS will SO tell H's mother!

Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 16:00

I won't go off on one about it, as I will get nowhere doing that - but I am going to confront him about it.
I was just a little shocked that H did this without pre-warning me, or mentioning he had spoken to him, this morning before leaving for his course.
I do feel bad around MIL, as she hasn't got a clue.
In the Christmas card from MIL, she had written "Here's to many more merry Christmasses"
I feel awful that she doesn't know, but it isn't really my place to tell her.

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Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 16:02

There's a pretty high chance of DS saying something in front of MIL, I agree!

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Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 16:05

I must say, I am SO relieved that DS is accepting the news so well, as I have worried about this for the last 7 months.

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Original poster
messyoldmess · 19/01/2007 16:37

H has just come home. I took him to one side & quietly asked him what he had said to DS. He admitted to talking to him & said he will explain what was said later.
I am suddenly feeling a bit emotional & I'm not sure why, as DS seems quite happy downstairs.

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winnie · 20/01/2007 16:26

oh messy, he is such a twunt! I am sure ds had an idea anyway children are so astute. It may actually be a relief to him as it will explain a lot.

personally I think you are very restrained re mother in law but now ds1 knows x will have to say something to her surely?

Glad to hear you've seen a couple of places you are interested in.

How are you doing generally?

Original poster
messyoldmess · 20/01/2007 17:52

Hi winnie.
Well, last night I got the full story & I wasn't happy at all.
I told H what DS said to me & how when I asked who asked, he said daddy.
I asked why he had done this without approaching me about it first & why he hadn't mentioned it yesterday morning.
He said that he hadn't set out to tell DS, but DS mentioned that he liked his house & didn't want to move. To this H said "Well what is going to happen is that you & DS2 will be moving into a house with mummy, & daddy is moving into another house."
DS apparantly said "Owww"
H then told him it was ok because he would have games at mummy's, games at daddy's & at nanny's, so it would be even better. He told him he could stay with him often etc & DS seemed more taken by the idea.
At this stage I thought H had explained it quite well, but this quickly changed when I heard the next bit, the bit which explains why DS mentioned wanting to get rich like nanny & gaggy.
H basically went on to say that the reason we are all living in different houses is because we want lots of money & to have more houses is the best way to get lots of money. He told him that one day when we are rich we may all live in the same house again - mummy, daddy, nanny & gaggy!!!
What a stupid thing to say!
I asked why on earth he had come out with that, as IMO it is giving DS totally the wrong idea & will confuse him.
He said that he feels it is kinder for DS to hear a story like that & he doesn't need to know the whole truth.
I am all for protecting the boys where we can, but am not happy at all with what H has come out with. Maybe I am being over sensitive, but I feel he shouldn't have come out with the money bit because it gives DS totally the wrong message.
Apparantly DS then ran up to his room & came down with a handful of coins from his money box. He handed them to H & said "This is to help you & mummy get rich, so then we won't have to move"
This totally broke my heart.

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Dinosaur · 20/01/2007 17:55

Oh messy, that breaks my heart too .

I effing hate your H.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 20/01/2007 18:07

It's awful isn't it? Why did he have to go & say all that?
He told me earlier, when I approached him when he got in, that yes he had said something to DS & that DS's reaction would break my heart, but he wouldn't tell me the story until they were in bed.
This is why I felt so emotional as soon as he confirmed it, even though I didn't yet know the story.

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